A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:A few weeks ago my ex fiancé basically told me that he didn't want to get married then he told me he was no longer in love with me. Then a few weeks later he basically tells me I'm in love with you but your not my soulmate. I was annoyed and I don't want him in my life he lies and changes mind so often he never knows want he wants. He also said I hope I'm not making a mistake by not marrying you. Then he asked for the ring back him and I dated for almost 2 years. He paid about $2,200 for the ring but him and I have given each other gifts while we were together. According to state law the ring is mines he called off the wedding and if I want to keep or sell the ring I should be able to because he's the one who left not me. I did a majority of the planning and inviting people I am embarrassed to tell my friends and family that he left. But I've told a few people and they all believe he will regret it. I understand that he paid a lot for the ring but I truly believe it's mines. And I wouldn't want him back in my life because he hurt me so bad. I also think that keeping the ring will make him hate me and not contact me again. Because he left and got so afraid so suddenly. I wouldn't want him in my life not even as a friend. But I am wrong for wanting to keep the ring? It has been past 60 days for the return policy the ring was sized as well. He just wants the money back but he can't get his money back.
View related questions:
money, my ex, soulmate, wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (31 July 2017):
 I wish that were true, Chigirl, but I read both the letter of the actual law, plus legal challenges to it and their outcomes. But it's also clear that he can be the initiator of the breakup and still be entitled to the ring, UNLESS he was the cheater in the relationship.
The law is clear that he is justified in having the right to change his mind. Merely breaking off the engagement isn't an "unjustifiable" offense. That was argued in court where the plaintiff lost the case on those grounds.
Again, I'm no lawyer, so getting a lawyer in the home state would be the safest bet, but the guy still has a case if he wants the ring back.
NOW, she CAN countersue if she paid non-refundable deposits on the wedding or honeymoon stuff, and she could have an argument about the emotional damage inflicted due to breach of contract (that's a long shot, but a good lawyer could argue for it), since it's the conditional law that he has on his side.
I'm not saying that I FEEL like she should return the ring. If I were the one making the decision on this, I'd let her keep it and tell him to go jump off of a cliff. But the law is without feeling or moral sentiment, which is why justice wears a blindfold. In this case, what's LEGAL and what feels RIGHT are two different things, and the law for her state spells out the terms of justification in the cases won and lost since 1990.
A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (31 July 2017):
If he broke the engagement you keep the ring? It was a gift to you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2017): Keep the ring in a safety deposit box pending an official decision of the small claims court.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2017): You can take it to small claims court and let a judge settle the dispute.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2017): Some say to give the ring back and some say to keep it. What if you just add the following items, and then determine whether to keep the ring, or sell the ring and split the money? Certainly, if he cancelled he owes you for the following:
1. Your hourly rate for all the planning you did, as well as your time and expense for sending out cancellations
2. Any money out of your pocket, such as reserving a hall, reserving catering, buying dress, bridesmaids dresses, etc. etc.
3. It's up to you if there should be something for your pain and suffering. Certainly it is painful for you, as well as humiliating to have to send wedding cancellations.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (30 July 2017):
 I think your misread the law, youwish. He is entitled to the ring back if she broke the engagement or if there was just reason: such as her cheating etc. But he broke it off unjustifiably, because she did not cheat on him or lie to him. So it is an unjust breaking of the engagement. Simply changing his mind is not just reason to get the ring back.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2017): The ring is yours. He broke the engagement, so it is yours.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (30 July 2017):
First of all, I'm no lawyer, so verify what I'm saying with a lawyer in your state.
I did some research for your state (I won't disclose what your state is) regarding the current law dealing with engagement rings, and I'll list what your law is for YOUR state:
Your engagement ring is officially classified as a CONDITIONAL gift, meaning the ring is given in contemplation of marriage. If the marriage does not take place, the ring is returned to the person who gave the ring.
HOWEVER, your state is very unique in that it has a clause set as precedent by your appeals court in 1990 that if the ring-giver (in your case, your boyfriend/fiance) UNJUSTIFIABLY BROKE the engagement, the ring is yours to keep.
Now, UNJUSTIFIABLY BROKE is a civil term, and it's spelled out clearly as a "FAULT" breakup, meaning the person doing the breaking off of the engagement did something like cheat on you or commit a crime or defrauded you by misrepresenting who he is (i.e. he lied and said that he was single, but after you got engaged, the truth that he was married and had lied to you came out). In those cases, you can keep the ring.
Is is NOT unjustifiable if he is merely the initiator of the breakup. He still is entitled to his ring (i.e. conditional gift) if he decides to break off the engagement, and there's NO fault such as cheating or criminal fraud involved.
The ring, being a CONDITIONAL gift, has one condition to be fulfilled, and that's marriage itself. This is your state law.
NOW, one BIG HUGE exception you could argue, and one I've counseled guys on DearCupid on here all the time, is NEVER get engaged on a nationally recognized holiday like Christmas, Easter, or a personal holiday like a birthday, because in civil court, that's a slam-dunk to prove that it's also an UNCONDITIONAL gift like a birthday present or Christmas present, so men, DON'T USE HOLIDAYS! Some women have been able to argue things like "One year dating anniversary" where being romantic by the moonlight gets used against the guy.
BUT, in your state, it doesn't matter what other gifts were exchanged. It doesn't matter how annoyed you got with him. It doesn't matter, because your state has a VERY specific law regarding the conditionality of the engagement ring. If he called it off because of no longer being in love with you, then he gets the ring back and has a valid court case against you if you don't return it. If you find evidence that he cheated on you, however, then that goes out the window.
An engagement ring is ABSOLUTELY NOT a gift regardless, especially in the OP's state. Now, if they were to get married, and then divorced, the wife gets to keep that ring because the condition was lawfully met and the contract fulfilled.
Talk to your lawyer and verify what I'm saying to you, but I checked multiple sources for you, and it's ironclad. You may be pissed, but give him his ring back, then block him into oblivion and never let him talk to you again. I am sympathetic to what you're going through, and the guy sounds like a flake. Wash him out of your life as if he were a bug caught in your hair.
...............................
A
male
reader, judgedick  +, writes (30 July 2017):
 First off value of the ring now is very little, as it is a second-hand ring, it is up to you what you do with it, as far as the law goes I don't know, I would think if he wants it back by the law he would have to officially ask you for it back in a letter sent to you by registered post, that way shows the date that he asked for it back, I think that would be important from a legal view point in regard to the matter of 60 days return, because he can claim that the ring cost 2200 and is now worth on second-hand market say 1000, and if he asked you for the ring within the 60 days he would have got his money back and now he has lost the difference, BUT HE WOULD WANT TO BE A BAD B______ to do that,Think yourself lucky he backed out, you're out money and he is out money,
...............................
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (30 July 2017):
 *Pressed send without completing my answer
... Yeah so I was saying, the man wasn't ever madly in love with you so I doubt he'll want to stay friends now. Just give him back the ring and don't hold on to relics of the past; they will only serve as a cruel reminder of unhappy times. Hold your head high...a broken relationship isn't a sign of defeat. You can move on with dignity but only if you make the effort.
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (30 July 2017):
 I've always viewed the engagement ring as a gift to the bride-to-be, hers to keep regardless, unless it is a family heirloom on the groom's side (which is not the case here).
I can totally understand you wanting to sell it and keep the money. I could equally understand someone wanting to return it to the giver. I have a friend who was engaged 5 times before making it up the aisle and kept ALL the rings!
Go with your gut instinct. What do you WANT to do? You could always sell the ring and split the money if you are torn.
...............................
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (30 July 2017):
I'm sorry this is going to sound harsh but this is not a contest to see who can get more petty. He's asking for something that he had gifted and you're refusing to give it back. Neither of these actions are in good taste. How will keeping the ring salvage your pride? Is the $2200 the going rate for the fact that he dumped you? Saying that you want to keep it just so he hates you is a rubbish justification. the man wasn't ever madly in love with you so
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (30 July 2017):
 Just like YOU can sell it, so can he.
I know that legally, YOU can keep it and do as you please with it. But morally? Eh...
Did you spend money on the planning for the wedding? If so I think the money should go towards that.
Do I think the woman DESERVES the ring if the guy dumps her before the wedding? Honestly? No. Back in the day where the financial difference was huge between men and women I can see it. And honestly, I can see why you feel SCREW YOU! I'm keeping the ring and selling it!
However, it's not going to make how you feel any better.
I say give yourself 30 days to figure out if you want to keep it or give it back and never see him again.
If you after 30 days STILL want to keep it, do so.
If you rather give it back and get "IT" and him out of your life, do so.
I'm sorry it ended this way - look at the silver lining at least he didn't dump you at the altar or a week after the wedding. There is NOTHING for you to be ashamed of. You two were not a good match in the long run. That happens.
I think it really comes down to WHAT you want to do.
...............................
|
