A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:My partner has problems maintaining an erection. It occurs at the most random of times, and 85% of the time he is fine. He used to be quite heavily into drugs (but not for about 10yrs) and had his penis pierced (but is now healed up). Is it possible that this is my fault? I feel like a failure, i know these are probably contributing factors but maybe its something i do? Is impotency usually associated with lack of pleasure? please help
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2008): If he's ok 85% of the time then I'd say that's quite a good percentage! Lots of men have problems with stuff like this but in the films and things they never show that side and so we all think it has to be perfect. Just relax, enjoy the 85% and once he knows its ok he might do even better!
A
male
reader, harshbutfair +, writes (18 April 2008):
 He sounds perfectly normal. I would give the poor guy a break (and a rest!).
If a guy isn't in the mood, if he's tired, if he's had lots of sex recently, if he's coming down with a cold, if he's thinking about something else then he may not be able to have an erection good enough to have or want sex. It's life, it's called being human.
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A
male
reader, madflash  +, writes (18 April 2008):
 On the info you've shared there are just too many factors to be sure what is actually causing this. Alcohol, fear, too much sex, anxiety, stress, physical and health issues (a nightmare for him), and a lack of sexual desire (a nightmare for you) are all possibilities. Don't fret about it though, and don't be too concerned... yet.
Without talking about it first there are several things you can try to make sure this happens less often, unless he does have a physical problem or has lost interest in you... which are rare so stop going there.
1) Be playful and carefree about sex, and never let your disappointment show. Adding pressure to him while he's unable to perform will only exacerbate the situation.
2) Blame yourself openly--but funlovingly--when it happens. And take the matter into your own hands--or mouth--as the case may be, and treat it like a challenge to your womanhood, expressing your desire to 'make that soldier snap to attention' and man the 'foxholes' can be quite inspiring to a man.
3)When all else fails, start spiking his beers with viagra! Or actually have an adult conversation with him about getting a prescription.
Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2008): It can be many things that only counseling could get to the bottom of. It can be related to poor health; emotional; stress. Keep in mind that the erection of the penis is similar to the (lets say) erection of the nipple. Though it is easier for a man to get an erection versus a woman getting hard nipples. Not only is the penis sensitive to the touch, which can cause an erection, but also mental thoughts. This is where fantasy may help.
The mental issue can be varied in cause, it could be partially cause by you in how you treat him and how he feels he is being treated. Over time in a relationship, the erection could be an indicator in how the relationship is going , but could also have nothing to do with it, for it can be stress from work, not having enough money to pay bills or to make a purchase etc.
When I was single, I had little problem getting an erection. After getting married, it wasn't my wife, but the responsibilities of marriage, such as making enough money for many things we wanted.
Best thing to do is to talk with him, find out if he has any stress and possibly where it is coming from. If it is something that you can offer support with, this could help ease his stress.
Its complicated. Knowing what is going on in each others lives and how your ach are affected and how it may affect each other are areas to explore.
For myself, I'm slow to start, always have been, and prefer foreplay. Even though while I was single I could last a long time. It seems now, I have more problems getting an erection in the middle of the night that wakes me up and I can't get back to sleep because of it.
Like I said, it can be anything, and most likely has nothing to do with you.
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A
male
reader, 09876  +, writes (18 April 2008):
 Hey,
Don't worry! Its not you. Some males have problems regarding erections and finishing up premature.
A lot of problems can cause this. He could simply be in poor health, have a bad heart (less blood flow can effect errections). It could also simply be from him being older and getting ED. There are also dozens of biological reasons that can cause this. There's an entire medical field on the issue!
If you didn't turn him on, he wouldn't want to do the horizontal poker dance with you at all! But he does, so chin up, its not you :)
Hope this helps
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