A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am 39 and my ex boyfriend is 38. We both have two teens apiece and are single parents. I'm divorced.We dated for 4 and a half months. Things were good but he broke up with me saying he didn't think things were going to work out and he didn't want to cheat on me.Throughout the relationship he pursued me by initiating contact 98% of the time and taking me on dates every weekend. Sometimes he would bring up money troubles. Although I listened when he volunteered info I tried not to pry.During the breakup he texted me that night and the next day. I asked him not to contact me as I needed time. He apologized but would text me every week or every couple of week just checking up on me and the kids. Although I was trying to do full no contact I would give him very short and dry responses.Mother's Day he texted me and by this time I was feeling better emotionally so I engaged him in back and forth messages. He said things like he missed me and he gave me lots of compliments.A few days into him texting me everyday like he did when we were in a relationship I asked him what his intentions were. He stated he wanted me in his life and missed me. He also stated he wanted to be friends. Well it's been about a week and we are still texting and spoke on the phone once since I needed some advice. My issue is he hasn't asked to see me. I told him last weekend I had dinner at some restaurant Saturday night; he later told me he was going on vacation and his vacation was going to be filled with crime, fun and sex. I asked him about the "sex" statement and he backtracked saying he meant if him and I were going on vacation there would be sex involved but not this one since he would be traveling solo. I think maybe he was jealous when I mentioned I went to dinner on a Saturday night.I'm having trouble with this friendship thing. We text like when we were a couple. He recently admitted he broke up with me because he had so much going on in his life and he didn't want to drag me into it. He's depressed a lot and although I am too I feel like I dea with it better. I'm very hesitant because once again it feels like this relationship albeit a friendship is on his terms but I'm afraid to let go. I really like him a lot as a friend because when we dated we waited to have sex and was able to establish a nice friendship. Does it sound like he's trying to get me back but is taking it slowly? Is he just bored! Am I wasting my time? We've been apart two months now and I think he genuinely cares about me but I'm wondering is he using me for his emotional support or trying to get me to be friends with benefits?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 June 2017):
 I hope all went well with your surgery. Don't blame yourself because he does not want to settle down with you, it is nothing to do with you personally and more to do with him and the fact that he is not ready to give up his freedom.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2017): Hey all...OP here.Thank you both for reading and responding.We are still texting but again he has not asked to see me. I'm afraid to ask him to hang out because I'm afraid of being rejected but I long to see him.He flirts and says things like he wishes I was waking up next to him but then he doesn't step up to the plate.He recently went on vacation Memorial Day weekend and he texted me and kept in contact. I'm confused. I'm not an unattractive woman but I feel men are extremely shallow especially during summer and don't want to be tied down. I'm lonely. I miss him however I don't feel like we have a genuine friendship because I have some crisis going on in my life (financial, surgery in 2 weeks) and I feel I can't talk to him. Maybe the surgery I could tell him about...I don't know. All I want is for him to love me and care. He's always depressed but so am I. I want to block him but I feel like he's all I have. He knows I'm a good woman so why isn't he choosing me? I can understand us not being exclusive and maybe he thinks I deserve more but why doesn't he want to even be around me? I'm tired of always being on the losing end of love.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2017): Hey all...OP here.Thank you both for reading and responding.We are still texting but again he has not asked to see me. I'm afraid to ask him to hang out because I'm afraid of being rejected but I long to see him.He flirts and says things like he wishes I was waking up next to him but then he doesn't step up to the plate.He recently went on vacation Memorial Day weekend and he texted me and kept in contact. I'm confused. I'm not an unattractive woman but I feel men are extremely shallow especially during summer and don't want to be tied down. I'm lonely. I miss him however I don't feel like we have a genuine friendship because I have some crisis going on in my life (financial, surgery in 2 weeks) and I feel I can't talk to him. Maybe the surgery I could tell him about...I don't know. All I want is for him to love me and care. He's always depressed but so am I. I want to block him but I feel like he's all I have. He knows I'm a good woman so why isn't he choosing me? I can understand us not being exclusive and maybe he thinks I deserve more but why doesn't he want to even be around me? I'm tired of always being on the losing end of love.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2017): Hey all...OP here.
Thank you both for reading and responding.
We are still texting but again he has not asked to see me. I'm afraid to ask him to hang out because I'm afraid of being rejected but I long to see him.He flirts and says things like he wishes I was waking up next to him but then he doesn't step up to the plate.
He recently went on vacation Memorial Day weekend and he texted me and kept in contact. I'm confused. I'm not an unattractive woman but I feel men are extremely shallow especially during summer and don't want to be tied down. I'm lonely. I miss him however I don't feel like we have a genuine friendship because I have some crisis going on in my life (financial, surgery in 2 weeks) and I feel I can't talk to him. Maybe the surgery I could tell him about...I don't know. All I want is for him to love me and care. He's always depressed but so am I. I want to block him but I feel like he's all I have. He knows I'm a good woman so why isn't he choosing me? I can understand us not being exclusive and maybe he thinks I deserve more but why doesn't he want to even be around me? I'm tired of always being on the losing end of love.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (29 May 2017):
He openly said to you he was going to break up because he did not want to cheat on you, this says it all. He wants to be free to date other women and get with them. Yes it also sounds like he still wants you in his life, but not as a girlfriend just someone he can have sex with now and again. If you want more than friends with benefits stop the contact with him so you can truly move on.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (25 May 2017):
 I think YOU have to decide what YOU want. SCREW what HE wants. If you feel having him around (as in using you to have SOMEONE/ANYONE to text and talk to) is confusing and NOT helping YOU move on - then tell him so and BLOCK his number.
YOU DO NOT owe him being available to talk to.
It doesn't sound like he is trying to "win" you back. If he was he would have asked to see you in person or tried to spend time with you. ALL he is doing is KEEPING you from moving on with someone else. He doesn't want you to FORGET him and move on.
Personally? I'd wish him well, block him and move on. It was a 4 1/2 months relationship that didn't work out.
Do you NEED another "text-friend"?
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