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He broke up with me but I still have feelings for him

Tagged as: Faded love, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 November 2016) 5 Answers - (Newest, 30 November 2016)
A female India age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hello,

I was seeing this guy who was very much into me since a month now. He used to tell me how much he loves me and how much he would want to work on our relationship.

As I had exams, he told me that he would wait for me even if it means not talking to me for several months and still be as mad for me as he is now. I fell for the guy. We made out a couple of times.

After some days he started ignoring me and when approached he used to tell me that he is busy with work. But I knew for sure that he used to go out with his friends every other night.

Now he broke up with me without giving any reason. I'm just confused and shocked as he had expressed his feelings very strongly and I could see genuineness in his eyes. What do I do? I still like him.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2016):

First of all, put emotions aside and use your sense of logic. Why would someone rave about how much they "love" you, tell you they'll allow you time, tell you that you're his world; then totally lose interest?

You're a student. All you did was prepare for your exams.

While he was out fooling around with him knuckle-headed buddies.

To put it bluntly. He's just a sweet-talker and he was full of bull manure. You were right to stay focused on your studies, and not be distracted by some party-boy who got pissed-off because you wouldn't just drop everything based on his mouthful of nonsense.

You know he's a liar; so now allow your common-sense to override your emotions to make sense of all this.

Players always use the magic word that turns women with a genius IQ to dummies. They tell you they "love" you. That word is used far too loosely, and women accept it too easily without enough proof to back it up. They just want to hear it said so badly. I know it melts the heart, but it shouldn't stun the brain and stop the thought processes.

Well, I guess it wasn't true. Now he's ignoring you.

Summon all your feminine-strength and dignity, and push this guy out of your system. Force the word "love" out of your head, and I trust you will reverse your feelings.

He's also playing a head-game by suddenly breaking-up without an explanation. No reason often means they've found someone they are more interested in now. The love just faded away.

This is a narcissistic-tactic also effective on women, rendering them to whimpering weeping little girls. Being ignored and rejected is demeaning and hurtful. So guys use it because they are playing your emotions against you.

Now you're armed and ready. Dump his ass, kick him to the curb, and continue concentrating on your studies. You're beautiful and intelligent enough to find someone better. Trust me on that.

I know letting go hurts. Your ego is bruised, and the rejection lowers your self-esteem. That's precisely his objective. Now, rest your heart and allow your intellect to takeover. That's how you get-over someone who dumps you.

Been there and done that!

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (30 November 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntYou need to just learn that he was not as interested as he said he was. You believed his words and you saw passion in his eyes, but you just choose to see what you believed.

It is difficult but you need to accept that it is now over and move on with your life. It does get easier.

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A female reader, Mistercatbean Canada +, writes (30 November 2016):

Mistercatbean agony auntSometimes when we are really heart broken we start imagining a fantasy like situation and sugar-coat the whole relationship. What you are focusing on now is how lovely he was and how much you want to be as close as you can to him and be with him entirely. Everything about him was perfect and he was the one, if he could only come back to you, everything would be set in place. He was going to wait for you as your prince-charming, and when you reunited, the sparks would fly maybe even more brightly than before.

The things you are overlooking is that he didn't wait for you. He was impatient. He made this "genuine" sincere, love struck promise and guess what, he threw it away and forgot about it. He broke his promise to you.

He has the capacity to ignore you like you're a ghost. Like you don't matter. He doesn't see you close to his heart, he sees you as something he can step on, then walk away from.

He doesn't have the decency or BALLS even to tell you that he is a promise breaker. He hid like a coward and ignored you as well as your feelings for him that were so strong. He ignored you because he doesn't have the guts or the morals as a man to do the right thing.

Now let us pretend he comes back to you, with puppy eyes and little white promise lies. You would be in a relationship with a COWARD. You would be with someone who can EASILY pretend you don't exist. You would be in a relationship with someone who can make empty promises to your face and never try to keep them.

You are with someone who is simply not there when you need them: Mr. unavailable, Mr. too busy for you,. You are now sharing your love, your devotion, attention, your finances maybe even your bed with someone that can drop you and leave you at any time (especially because he has already done it before).

Hey? You both are together now and you are pregnant and need his support, well guess what he won't be there for you, he'll probably be partying with his friends and when you ask him where he was he'll lie right to your face and say he was busy with "work". Or maybe he'll even ignore you and let you struggle on your own. He probably won't even show up to the delivery or even be available when you want to discuss the baby's name.

Imagine this when you struggle to get over him because this is what a life with a guy like him would be like.

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A female reader, Stephsav76 United Kingdom +, writes (30 November 2016):

Like the first person said, do nothing.

I know it hurts, but time is a good healer. I've been in a similar situation. Best thing is too cut contact, it will be hard because you probably spoke to him everyday.

Each day you don't contact him, it will get easier and I bet your bottom dollar, he will contact you. Thinking why haven't you chased him or contacted it. Because his expecting you to contact him now. Go online and read about the 30 day rule, it works, it helps you get over the person. If he does contact you after not hearing from you, don't get too happy, he may be doing it cause he wants you back or he could be doing it to see if you still care...like a ego boast.

I've had exs coming out the wood works after a yr, of stopping contact. By then the boats sailed. I've also had them text me after 3wks. But don't wait around waiting for him to contact you.9

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A female reader, Anonymous 123 Italy +, writes (30 November 2016):

Anonymous 123 agony auntYou don't do anything. Never ever run after someone who doesn't want you in their life. You have more self respect than that. Just accept what he's said and move ahead with dignity.

It's normal to be shocked and confused but then again he'd started building the grounds for his departure when he started ignoring you and lying to you. He obviously wasn't as into you as you thought.

Just move on gracefully and don't look back. He's not worth it, trust me.

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