A
female
age
30-35,
*hick989
writes:my partner have been together 3 years on and off. we seem to have a routine of us getting together September/ October time and him finishing with me in June (this is now the third summmer- he always finishes it). at first we fall in love all over again (he asks to see me and I go running and look in his eyes and I'm his). we've now been arguing for the past 3 months non stop so he's finished it because we cant got on like it but won't try and work it out. he's a lot older than me (30 years). he seems to like 3 months single because he wants to miss me and then have me back- he met a woman online last summer when we split. he met up with her a few times but when they had sex he left and had a shower because he felt dirty it wasn't with me). 9 months ago he wanted us to start trying for a baby (luckily I wasn't that foolish). two weeks ago he said he needed a break. last night I saw he'd joined a flirting dating app on Facebook so called him and he said 'we're never gonna work'. why's he left me dangling for two weeks? I'm yet to go round his house to collect most of my wardrobe. I love him so much, how do I get him back?
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female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (13 June 2011):
 yeah you'll probably get him back coz he knows you are good for a door mat. have a good long think about the reasons that you actually would want him back though. make up a pros and cons list. he may be the love of your life so far, but you are still young and there is are a lot of other men out there, but of course you'll be missing out on them while you stuck with this one. have some respect for your self coz it doesn't seem like he has got any for you. you know you deserve better
x
A
female
reader, chick989 +, writes (13 June 2011):
chick989 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know I'm so much better off without him but he is the love of my life- he's not my first serious boyfriend. this year is different because his mum died two months ago. will I ever get him back?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2011): he wants you during the year cause he likes you but during the summer he goes after girls and has fun with his boys longer nights better drinks everyone off school a lot of people come home from college things like that a wider variety of girls i say dump him he's not taking your relationship seriously ..guessing the baby trick so he could run and say it's too much for him to handle DUMP HIM , you deserve better..
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (9 June 2011):
sounds like he fancies himself as a bit of a player. if he has not matured by this stage in his life he is not likely to. he wants you through the winter but then wants his life to himself over the summer. he is treating you like shit and he will continue to do so as long as you allow it.
my honest advice to you is to let him go, get on with your life, meet someone who will RESPECT YOU, coz this guy really doesn't. if he comes around again in autumn tell him to jog on. have more love and respect for yourself, you shouldn't be accepting this shit from him! you are wasting your time with him and missing out on opportunities to meet someone genuine while you are stuck with him in this torturous relationship
x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2011): Hey Chick. Listen, you're only young and honey, I dont belive you really do love him, I think it just feels that way cos he is a b****rd!! You know, that thing about bad boys...hmmm...
Heres a thing, it is Summer, why dont you use this time to go and find someone better?! Have some fun, treat yourself, go out with your girlfriends for pizza, drinks and then a club, have some fun! Screw him, you will get over him but you need to break ties with him first.
What the others are saying is true, he is treating you like crap.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (9 June 2011):
 So he leaves you every summer so he can basically screw around?
Wow, why do you even WANT this guy in your life? He sounds like a douchebag of a user.
I agree fully with Kc100, you are his backup girl.. the one he likes to keep around til the grass seems greener elsewhere. Honey, don't let any guy treat you like this.
HE WILL NOT change - no matter how much you love him.
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A
female
reader, Shesmylife517 +, writes (9 June 2011):
Wow that is not nice.. It seems to me that he enjoys being single in the summertime an wants to have fun.. Winter is a great season to be in love to cuddle an have someone by your side.. He is playing a game wit your emotions.. If he wants to play why not join the game. I know its hard but put your feelings aside an start dating other men have fun too.. Go out mingle a lil an enjoy the single life an let it be known to him.. Some men like to know that u will always be there prove him wrong.. When sept/oct comes keep enjoy ur time an dont take him back.. Let him feel what you feel.. Show him that u are not suppose to be a winter fling an he has to appriciate you.. Once he see you enjoying your time he will not like it an maybe it will teach him the lesson he needs to be taught..
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A
female
reader, zebralove  +, writes (9 June 2011):
 You don't. You leave him alone and move on. Hes no good for you enywais.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (9 June 2011):
 So basically you're putting your life on hold for a man that could care less about you?
If this man loved you, he wouldn't of broke up with you once, he is treating you like a doormat and you're allowing him to.
Break it off with him if he tries to come back and tell him you're not interested as you want someone who is going to love and respect you and this guy clearly isn't the man who is going to do that.
Good luck x
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (9 June 2011):
 Look, I know this isnt what you want to hear - but this man doesnt love you, and you are being a doormat. He is walking all over you and you are letting him treat you like s**t.
He cant comitt to you, so one minute he is talking about babies and the next he is breaking up with you so he can go play the field. He has no respect for you or your relationship - all he wants every summer is to have a bit of fun with other girls, knowing he can come back to you in the autumn because foolish old you will be there ready and waiting like a lovesick puppy.
This is not love, this is not a real relationship...this is a mess and he is simply using you and abusing your feelings for him.
Quite simply - if he loved you, respected you and cared about you he would never want to take a break, he would never leave you - when times get tough he would want to work it out and deal with your problems. For a 30 year old man he sounds like a silly little teenager who enjoys having women wrapped around his little finger.
I know you dont want to leave him because you love him, but your love is not enough here I'm afraid. You can love him until the day you die but this is not going to make him treat you better or make him want to be with you. He knows each summer he can dump you and then get you back later in the year - you have allowed this twice so he will carry on doing it because he knows you wont stand up to him. He knows you are weak and will love him no matter what he does to you - so he will keep on hurting you for as long as you let him.
This man is truly an awful awful person, you deserve a million times better than this poor excuse for a man. Please try and understand, this is not how a relationship should be! Presumably because you are only 18-21 and have been with him 3 years, this is your first relationship? I remember myself how intense first love is and how you can never imagine your life without that person, but I promise you this - often your first relationship is so misleading, it is nothing like a real relationship should be. My year long relationship with my first boyfriend was a mess, he hurt me so much yet I kept going back begging for more. Eventually (I think after the 3rd or 4th break up) I ended it for good, just cut contact and never saw him again. I cried solidly for 2 weeks and didnt move off the sofa for that entire time, I barely ate....I was truly heartbroken because I loved him so much (or so I thought).
Then after a few months, I met someone new, and while I'm not with him anymore, he showed me what real happiness was and how a man should treat you. It was wonderful, and made me realise that my first relationship was just painful and nothing like what a real relationship should be.
You are in the same situation - you are blinded by your love for him and you probably dont have anything to compare this to with it being your first relationship.
But believe me, there is much better out there and you will be so much happier in the long run if you get out of this relationship once and for all.
This man does not know what he wants, he cant comitt yet he likes having a girl waiting in the background in case he needs someone to keep him company and keep his bed warm. You are his safety blanket - when the weather gets a bit cold and the nights get darker, there are fewer girls wearing next to nothing out and about....he has you to fall back on and keep him company. Then when summer comes around, the girls are out in their short skirts and the nights are longer....he goes out to play. He is a total jerk for doing this to you, it really is low to keep you hanging on like this 3 years in a row.
He is not a real man - just a pathetic little boy who does not care who he hurts in the process. Please leave him once and for all, this cycle will just continue if you dont. Go back to his house and get your stuff, then cut off contact with him for good. That is the only way to get over him - if you try and be friends or keep talking your feelings will never go away and you will never be able to move on.
I promise you there is a world out there away from him, and you will be so much happier in the long run if you just end it once and for all. This man will never make you happy, he is incapable of doing that because his feelings for you are not as strong as your feelings for him. He is using you, he cant make you happy in the way that you deserve to be. So get away from him once and for all, he is toxic and will only hurt you.
I know it will be hard, and the first few months away from him will be awful - but it will be worth it. At least you will have your self respect back and wont have this poor excuse for a man walking all over you any more.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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