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He asked me to leave my Bf. But is it love or lust with this other guy?

Tagged as: Cheating, Faded love, Friends, Long distance<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 January 2014) 2 Answers - (Newest, 12 January 2014)
A female United States age 26-29, *eyond_tragedy writes:

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and in recent events he stopped being there for me.

Its a long distance relationship so its understandable he gets busy with work but it become all he cares for.

Certain things have occurred where i needed him most but he left me on my own .During the time i made a friend at work who surely enough became my guy best friend slowly things changed i was always open with him i have a boyfriend.

One night he kissed me out of impulse and at that point i felt scared but happy. I've never been that girl or have pride myself on being that girl because I've always loved one man.After that kiss things changed i feel like Im reliving things again and even more I've gained someone close to me.

He asked me to leave my boyfriend even more now my boyfriend plans to propose before leaving to BP.I wont deny i have been intimate with the other **guy not planned but with him I feel free.

Now i struggle do i love him or am i with Im for the lust because I've come to not want to hurt either or but face facts now both cant have my heart.

View related questions: at work, best friend, long distance

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2014):

I don't think that there is ever "best friends" between boy and a girl unless they are related. So what you see as friendship with that guy is simply his affront to have sex with you because that is the only open path he has to bed you.

I would stop being friends with that work guy because it will lead nowhere and could wreck your relationship with your BF who will propose to you so instead of keeping both you will loose both.

If you feel lonely talk to your BF so that you are not.

As a bottom line though you have to choose either your BF or the "friend" because you can't share kisses with both.

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A female reader, Ciar Canada + , writes (12 January 2014):

Ciar agony auntFirst, why is your boyfriend long distance? Is he (or are you) away attending school or something? Is there a set date for one or both of you to relocate?

Personally, unless you're married and one of you is temporarily stationed abroad I don't see the point in a long distance relationship. They rely too heavily on trust which breeds uncertainty and the sacrifices are too many and the rewards too few, as you're already beginning to discover. So my advice us to end the long distance arrangement.

I'd be wary of this best guy friend because he is not a friend. His interest in you is sexual and he has an agenda. Clearly he doesn't care about any agreements you have elsewhere nor does he have any problem enticing you to do things you'll feel guilty about later. And once he sees that you're prepared to go behind your boyfriend's back he will lose any respect he may have for you and he certainly won't trust you if you two become an item, nor will you trust him. And why should you? You've both seen each other in action.

Even if your boyfriend does propose marriage, when would the wedding take place? Are you supposed to linger about indefinitely?

If you're going to have the isolation of being single, you might as well have the freedom.

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