A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:He says I'm all these great things, but I feel like I'm not good enough. Its definitely not a self esteem issue, its because he has a girlfriend, but he's having his cake and eating it too. And I'm allowing it. I think I've fallen in love with this guy. I try to tell him how I feel, but I always end up not saying anything in the end. I finally confronted him, somewhat, about how our relationship made me feel, how wrong it was for us to be together, etc. He said that he respects me, doesn't want me to do anything I'm not comfortable with, and that he likes me so much. If he liked me so much, if he respected me so much, he wouldn't put me in this position. He has absolutely no respect for his girlfriend either for that matter. So it brought me to this point. I like him, there's no doubt about that. I think I love him. He's perfect in every way, except that he's so deceiving. He begged me to not end our relationship. I never contact him, he comes to me. I do date other guys, but I still make myself available for him. He says he can't let me go. I feel like I'm in the position of power right now. i definitely have reached a point where it doesn't hurt as much anymore. I still have feelings for him, but I'm trying to ignore them. I feel bad for his girlfriend, because we're both getting screwed. What is your opinion of me, if I stay in this relationship? I'm actually pretty confused about my feelings. I feel like I have more control because it doesn't hurt so much, but it does hurt. I feel like we're getting closer, but I don't want to get any closer on these conditions. Who knows who else he is with. Looking at a pro/con list, I can only see what my heart feels for him. And hear the things he says to me. I'm so confused.
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (5 November 2010):
 Let's revise this Pros/Cons list...We'll start with the easiest Cons..
-Cons-
1. He has a girlfriend.
2. He's a cheater.
3. He has no respect for women.
4. He knows exactly what to say to get you to say.
4. If he loved you, he would dump his girlfriend, right?
5. He's a liar.
6.He has you at his beck and call.
7. He's not perfect, in fact he has many flaws.
-Pros-
1. His communication seems good.
(that's all I got)
These are the results, take off your rose colored glasses, and really look at what kind of guy he is. Not the kind you want to be with. If you stay in this relationship, you won't like how it will end, especially when his girlfriend finds out about you.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (5 November 2010):
 "A female reader, CindyCares + ?, writes (5 November 2010):
My opinion of you is irrelevant, what counts is YOUR opinion of yourself . "
I totally agree. It really doesn't matter what I think about your lack of morals. You need to examine this and figure out what YOU think. What IF you were the GF? Put yourself in her shoes.
It drives me NUTS though when I hear women describing a cheater like your lover, as the "perfect man, except....." He is not perfect. He is lying, cheating on and deceiving one woman (his GF) and stringing you along at the same time.
Is that really what you want? Another woman's left overs? He is not going to leave her for you. Unless she finds out. And then... how long do you think it will be before he will find another "other woman/lover"?
think, honey. Go with your got, not your heart.
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A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (5 November 2010):
 'He's perfect in every way, except that he's so deceiving.'
No, he's not perfect. No one is perfect, but he's especially far from it.
'He says he can't let me go. I feel like I'm in the position of power right now.'
You're really not, he is. He gives you hope that he'll leave his girlfriend, tells you everything you want to hear and acts so loving, yet at the end of the day, still won't leave his girlfriend. You're hooked, and he knows it. He comes running back every time because you're giving him what he wants, without ever asking to be more than a fling on the side.
If you really want to take the power back, dump him and find someone that's single and not going to lead you on. Break it off and cut off all contact. He's not likely to dump his girlfriend for you, but even if he does, don't you think he'd cheat on you just as he cheated on her? It's a toxic situation that's not going to improve.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2010): Its easy for a guy to seem perfect in every way when he lies to you. Sales people in a store don't tell you what is wrong with their product or how it is unsuited to your needs, do they?
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A
female
reader, PatientlyWaiting1 +, writes (5 November 2010):
Do not give him an ultimatum just tell him to contact you once he has decided exactly what he wants to do weather it is to continue his relationship or be with you. And do not contact him for any reason!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2010): In my opinion, you already know what needs to be done.
Sorry but you're not in a relationship, she is his girlfriend not you, you are just his side piece.
If you feel like you are ok with being second best then carry on and let him get what he wants.
This guy is a coward, if he didn't want his girlfriend he'd break up with her, it's that simple.
You already said yourself that he doesn't respect you or his girlfriend, so why are you still with him?
Why stay with a guy who doesn't think you're good enough to take on a date, to dinner or the movies but you're good enough to screw behind his girlfriends back.
I think you need to take a long hard look and see things the way they really are.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 November 2010):
 My opinion of you is irrelevant, what counts is YOUR opinion of yourself .
How do you feel about yourself being in this situation ?
Do you feel ashamed, do you feel diminished in your own eyes ? Do you feel you let yourself down because you know you could do much better ? Do you think you are a loser ?
Then, stop right now. It will hurt a bit, but it will hurt much more if you carry on.
If ,au contraire, you can handle it without major ripercussions over not only your general happiness and wellbeing, but also over your self esteem and self respect, then go ahead. Be honest with yourself in assessing if you can handle it, and if it is worth to you handling it - and if you decide for a yes, don't worry about people's opinions.
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