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He accuses me of flaunting myself...what can I do??

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (26 February 2008) 8 Answers - (Newest, 26 May 2008)
A female United Kingdom age 51-59, anonymous writes:

I have a boyfriend. He loves me and i love him. Sometimes :O). Most of the time he is nice and easy to get along with, but, there are two things in our life that upset him deeply to the point where he shuts me out and doesn't speak to me for days on end...sometimes a week has gone by. I have diabetes and when my sugar is high the urge to pee comes all at once...i have to race to the loo as fast as i can not always having time to shut the door. He is greatly offended when i do this. He thinks that is disgusting and unnatural to pee in front of someone else. thats the first thing.

The second thing is...i don't always close the bedrooms curtains. I am not too attractive nakid and have never been bold enough to show my body off. therefore if i do get changed with the curtains open i am a long way from the window but (i had nets up too) he goes ballistic and accuses me of being an exhibitionist and wanting people to see me...he is obsessed with peeping toms looking in at me and has on many occasions (whilst i have been in the bath) closed the curtains and pegged them together with clothes pegs closing any gaps there might be.

I argue that i can do as i please in my own my house and that i shouldn't have to hide myself just "incase" someone is looking in. I am three floors from the ground. He doesn't like me to come out of the bathroom in my towel either and has accused me of wanting to flaunt my body off in front of my 10 year old son.

My son has never seen my body nor has he seen me without a towel wrapped around me. He called me a pervert and told me i was bringing my son up to be one too. My son is also not allowed to pee with the door open. My boyfriend insists on peeing down the back of the loo so it cannot be heard either. He is insecure with the size of his penis and feels inadequate is this anything to do with it! I have never complained that he isn't enough for me.

View related questions: insecure

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A male reader, JTalbott United States +, writes (26 May 2008):

JTalbott agony auntControlling behavior is a pattern that usually has repetitive cycles of control and contrition that last a lifetime.

No matter what your behavior, a controlling person will find ways to put you down and control.

Talking to someone with a professional understanding of these patterns can help you see them in yourself and in others.

Please do this for yourself and for your children.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you to everybody who responded to this question, it helped me a lot, it also helped my boyfriend to know how much he hurt my feelings when he called me a pervert. We have talked about it, compromised, and moved on. Thanks again guys great job! xx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2008):

i have a house full of kids and none of shut the door even when we bathe we dont, its just a body after all, were not exhibitionists and we are certainly not perverts, its just a normal part of family life. This man your with serious issues that will only get worse as your child gets older, what will he accuse you of next be careful of him, the thoughts are in his head not yours goodluck...

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2008):

Bit weird. I think he is overstepping the mark here tho when he starts to suggest such things concerning you and your son. You need to put your foot down immediatley as if this is an obbsessive thing with him it may become worse and more off the wall with you not knowing just how far it will go. Bit melodramatic I know but obsessivnes can grow.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2008):

I see nothing wrong with your behavior. We have no children around the house, but we do the same as you do. We seldom shut the door when we pee. We walk around the house without clothes after showering and just have pleated somewhat sheer curtains on some of the windows. We also don't care if we hear the other person peeing. Does he make you go into a soundproof room to fart too? ;)

Sorry to say, but he is either weird or overly prudish. I assume that he was brought up that way. If so, then childhood habits and thoughts are hard to change. However, he needs to accept your habits, as they are not unusual in my mind.

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A female reader, thatgothgirl20 United States +, writes (27 February 2008):

thatgothgirl20 agony auntI wonder if this guy you are speaking of, your bf, is a perve himself.

Or I wonder if he just has OCD.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2008):

Personally i think he is going a little bit over the top! i think he just need to chill out and get a life! sorry but the truth hurts

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A female reader, speedcat United States +, writes (26 February 2008):

Damm girl ,,,,different people have different beliefs BUT ive never heard of such odd behavior! your boyfriend seems to be taking his obsessions to an unhealthy level. There is no need to call you or your son a perv! I walk around my house in a towel, and im not a perv! my son walks around in his boxers and hes not a perv! What religion is he? Are his folks like this? Was he abused? lots of things could be to blame. try to find out whats makes him think this way and then try to get him to seek help. If he refuses then maybe you are two very different people and you should just move on. hard to say without a background of his life good luck!

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