A
male
age
16-17,
anonymous
writes:HeyLast night me and my cousin got a bit drunk and we started making out, even tho we stopped a few times saying this isn't right.. but still we kept doing it.Today she told me that she wants to have sex with me and that she can't believe she finaly told me. I have no idea what to do.. Should I? And don't give me the old incest preaching cause i am fully aware of it and i'm not going to have a baby with her so no genetic stuff either please.I am not religious in any way, nor is she. She is also 16.
View related questions:
cousin, drunk, incest Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2008): Well did ya hear about the woman who had kids by her dad and how they're inlove with each other? I can tolerate cousins but father and daughter! No!
A
female
reader, straight2thepoint +, writes (30 September 2008):
I am with my 1st cousin and have been since i was 16 now im 21 we love each other very much both of our families no and it isnt a problem. I hate the way people go on about how wrong it is and always judge as if there isnt enough shit going on in the world without having to worry about these small minded people. i truly believe you cant help who you love. and so what if it seems wrong to other people they dont have to keep your arse or pay your bills. its your life do what u feel is right
...............................
A
male
reader, Uncle Sneaker + ♥, writes (31 July 2008):
 Let's correct some of the comments here, because they are factually wrong.
Babies born from first cousins do NOT have a high risk of birth defects. Research into it has put the figure at around 4% - which compares to around 2% for the general population. It's higher, sure. Twice as high. But 4% isn't a high risk. There is some evidence that the risk may be higher in families where cousins regularly marry cousins and therefore the risk of recessive genes causing undesirable mutations becomes greater. The scientific evidence suggests that the potential problem can be avoided by introducing an outsider into the family gene pool from time to time - which is, partly, in recent years why the European royal families have been encouraged to marry "commoners" rather than members of the other royal families.
You are in the UK, so you can legally marry your first cousin. It's not a problem. A few people disapprove, but no one I know seems to find it a problem. It has absolutely no social implications - certainly not within any of the social groups I've ever been associated with in the UK (and they are many and varied!). No one is going to put you down for having a relationship with your cousin. It is most certainly NOT a "huge taboo" within an average UK family or anywhere else in the UK.
A few cultures and countries do have a problem with you having a relationship with your first cousin. In some, it's illegal. However, there are a greater number of cultures and countries when it is perfectly legal, and some of them positively encourage it.
I wasn't aware of any religious issue in having a relationship with your first cousin. As far as I know, most religions don't see it as a problem.
There is only one issue here that I can see, and one which most of the other replies have complete avoided: do you love each other? Sure, sex is great, but it's very much better between people who really love each other and intend to stay together. Maybe it's a slightly old-fashioned viewpoint, but I still reckon that it's not worth having sex unless you have a solid, stable, loving relationship. Yes, I know, someone will point out that I haven't always kept to that "rule" myself, but I can assure you from experience of both casual and loving partners that the casual ones just weren't worth it. 16 is legal in the UK, but still very young. Think carefully before you rush into it - and remember that although your family may not be upset because you're cousins, they will almost certainly be upset if they find out you're having sex with anyone at 16 (even if they did it themselves at that age - that's just the way most parents and relatives are).
...............................
A
female
reader, Ratshead  +, writes (31 July 2008):
The Sport of Queens! (and Princes!)
Queen Elizabeth of England is married to her cousin!
who cares?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2008): My first cousin and I were close friends growing up but never more than that. After high school we both got married and raised families, you know the ususal thing. That included divorce. He and I met again after 18 years and though we didnt start out to fall in love we did. Many of the taboos in todays society have fallen by the wayside, and believe it or not our kids were happy we began seeing each other and then eventurally getting married. we are very much in love and we often joke with each other that we should have allowed nature to take its course back in highschool. We feel we wasted alot of time.
...............................
A
female
reader, higher_form_of_chaos  +, writes (20 June 2008):
I checked this site out and the questions that it has to offer because I am currently pregnant and in love with my cousin. I have read on here by some it is morally wrong and what not. However, when we started our relationship over two years ago we had no idea that we were family. It just kind of took off from there and we fell in love. Finding out that we were first cousins did nothing to change the fact that we loved and still do love each other. Believe it or not, not everyone takes it in such a hard way. We no longer live in a world that is full of closed minded people. Since I found out that I was pregnant I have done a lot research to find out what risk my child is going to under-go. I dont think people realize that there are doctors out there that feel so strongly about this subject that they have done everything in their power to prove all those close minded people wrong and they have. Research shows that while we are a bit more in danger of having a disabled child the risk in itself is about 2 percent higher than with couples who have never met and have different genes. I dont think that people realize that back, way back in the old days not many people married outside of their family. It is a proven fact that if you trace your family history ck far enough you will see that even your family married within the ties of each other. Therefore, most people are distancely related in one aspect or another. I do not find it morally wrong at all. Maybe that is because I am living it, but how can you feel so strong about something and then just let it go because a few people in your life tell you that it is wrong. When I came out and told my mother that I was having a relationship with Kevin and that he was my cousin my mother asked me how I felt about that, I told her that everyday I fall more and more in love with him, and she told me that love is never wrong. Even now with being pregnant she is excited, and I will be the first to tell you that I was a bit weary of having a child but the gene specialist that I have seen told me that there is a 97 percent chance that my baby will be heathly. Therefore I am not so weary anymore.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2008): Don't worry about having sex with your cousin, There is no law against cousins having a relationship.
I having been having sex with my first cousin since I was 13 years old and she was only 10 years old (we're both 3 years apart) and we still do it now that I'm 19 years old, I have always used protection and not even once she said to me that she is pregnant.
...............................
A
female
reader, dolla18 +, writes (24 May 2008):
 Hi, i know how you feel i truly do. Im in a relationship with my 1st cousin aswell. There is no reason why you shouldnt be together. Its not incest, an if its good enough for the royals in England then no-one should judge you. Some of the religons agree with it aswell, infact some of them insist on it.
If it feels right for you then give it a try, an if it dont work out you can always say that you tried, because if you dont you may always be wondering what if, an end up regreting it?
Good luck to you both....give us an update an let us all know how you get on....xx
...............................
A
female
reader, DiovanLestat + ♥, writes (22 May 2008):
 There is no legal law in the UK that stops you from having sex with your cousin. You are both overage, and legally able to decide to have sex with whoever you want.
However their may be social and moral reasons why this is not a good idea. You say nothing of love, caring or trying to make a relationship with her. If this is just sex to you, she may feel hurt and used. You may hurt her and break her heart. You also share family in common. They may object to you both starting a relationship together based purely on sex.
Remember this girl is your cousin. You should be taking care of her and looking after her. You will have to see her probably for the rest of your life. Do nothing that may hurt your relationship in the future, as it may make family occasions difficult to bear.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2008): Two years ago, when I was 9, I went on a family holiday my cousin, Frank. Even though I was young I felt really attracted to him. When I was putting suncream on his back I got an erection. At the time, I was still discovering my body, and didn't think any more of it. Last week, my cousin came round again to see my family. While everyone was by the pool, me and my cousin were alone in the snug. He came over and sat next to me. The sparks were flying. We kissed and he ran his hand up my shirt, but my great-aunt sally came in and disturbed us. She looked at us queerly but said nothing. In retrospect, I am glad that nothing more happened as it would be odd and wrong. On the other hand, it may be something of a family trait. After all, my sister is my mother.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2008): I don't see a problem with cousins having sex. I've been intimate (love that phrase) with my cousin many times and neither of us are remotely messed up or freaked out. In fact it made us closer. It's okay as long as you realise it's just sex and nothing more. Taking it further could, would, cause trouble in the future.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2008): i would like to point out that when it comes to issues re reproduction (regardless of the scientific reserach cited by the respondents above) the chances of genetic mishaps are quite low. The misunderstanding came from family studies wherein cousin relations ('incest') occurred over may generations... in small country towns. Present reserach shows clearly that previously held (mis)conceptions were hugely exagerated. In most cases, the chance of something going wrong is no more than would be in any community where two people come together through common friends. Hence, I would say, if evolution sees no wrong with it, then it can't be so bad can it?
To the merit of prior respondents, the consequences in terms of rejection from your family and friends are in FACT huge... so think before you act.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2008): I would do it. I had an oppertunity like that with my cousin and I didn't take advantage of it and i regret it every day.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2008): Well in some cultures it is ok to have sex and even marry your cousins... my aunt and uncle did it and their kids, my second cousins, have turned out fine one is a model and the other got a scholorship to Stanford.
But you are 16 and you don't want kids i know. I was just saying that to make you feel better.
If its just for shits and giggles go for it. Id keep quiet about it though. If you guys fall in love and want to get married do so and then move away. lol.
If word gets out you are facing a lot of rejection from people especially your family so be prepared for that. But if you really want to do it with her do it. However if you are just horny I'd suggest finding someone easy at school?
I know that is an asshole thing to say sorry.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2008): ok i like my cousin ight i dont know y but i do we ended up making out and having sex but we are only 12 both of us right but we really didnt do it we still had our pants on ok i mean i did get a little crazy and i was screaming b/c we wanted 2 freak out our older cousin 13 yrs old it was fun so i say u should do it wit ur cousin if u want
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2008): Sorry, that's gross. I'm sure you can find a girl who doesn't share part of your genetic code to have sex with
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2008): If you are both only 16, and you both want to have sex with each other, then go for it. You only live once, so you might as well enjoy life. Also, this probably won't last forever, you are both only 16 and will grow and change a lot over the next 5-10 years. I think the chances you will be together forever are pretty slim.
Also, a lot of people forget that President Theodore Roosevelt and his wife were cousins, and they married each other with no negative consequences. So I say for go for it. Post back here if you decide to have sex with her so we can all see how it turned out.
...............................
A
female
reader, Cherriepie + ♥, writes (4 February 2008):
 SOrry..but I didnt finish...
Number three. What if you fall in love? What if its so good, you can’t resist going back to it and really messing up your life with not only a potential child, but the shame and everything I just described as the first two reasons.
Number four. If this ever gets out it will follow you like a stain on your record. People will point at you and laugh. They will assume the worst of you knowing what you have done. You can be rejected by friends and potential friends if they know you have had sexual relations with your cousin. Kissing Cousins is not a romantic notion...its a stain on YOU and HER. Its called incest. In this world its not a good thing.
Number five. And Excuse my French, but this relationship can fuck you up inside forever with every sexual relationship you have after. How? You don’t want to know. But your psychiatrist can help you sort it out in the future.
Notice I didn’t mention religious reasons…Those are valid too but I’m not pushing it. But if you want my opinion you are going down the wrong path. Nip this in the bud and do not pursue this. If you do, you are in a world of pain ahead of you. You may think this is cool and fun now, but when you wake up in the morning your going to find out it wasn’t worth it.
...............................
A
female
reader, Cherriepie + ♥, writes (4 February 2008):
Hi hunny!
I have pretty liberal views on sex, but even I would have to say doing it with a first cousin is a big mistake. And let me tell you that this has nothing to do with religion or old traditions. It simply is an unhealthy relationship in every sense of the word. How? Lets count the ways...
Number one. Its a proven scientifically that babies born from siblings and first cousins have a high risk of having birth defects and mental disorders. Of course you dont plan on having a baby...but accidents do happen, and this is one accident you dont want to face.
Number two. This is a huge taboo in the family structure. You may keep this a secret for now, but what if it ever gets out? This could shatter your relationship with your parents and hers, and will and should cause you great shame, if you have any sort of conscience, religious or not. Not only will it shame you and her, it will shame your family too.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2008): Ok, well let me start by saying that I went through something similar, I'm a girl and my cousin, also my first cousin, didn't grow up together so when we met for the first time we looked at eachother like cousins aren't supposed to I had a romance with him and the family started to notice that shit was going on, so we kind of stopped, and then every moment we would get to spend together we cherished, well let me cut this short, we never had sex, but we fell in love, we almost did make love one time, but I backed off and said it was wrong, but don't just have sex with your cousin cuz you want sex, that's not right. If you love her and she loves you do it, but don't do it just for the fuck of it, you know? I mean she's family and you're gonna have to see her whether you want to or not, it might be awkward after, who knows but really think about this before you make a rash decision ok. I hope I helped.
...............................
A
female
reader, SoSowhat10 +, writes (4 February 2008):
 Um..I'm 16 too, and I got intimate with my cousin ie. making out, fore play and he isn't even blood, he's adopted. I wouldn't do it(intercourse). We still have sexual feelings for eachother but we don't acknowledge them. I never see him alot and he has a girlfriend now and feelings do come into play. Well, If you have sex then don't let any emotions come into play.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2008): It'll make family reunions interesting......
...............................
|
