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Have you been asked out by someone that you consider a friend?

Tagged as: Dating, Friends<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (20 May 2017) 3 Answers - (Newest, 22 May 2017)
A male Singapore age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hello Aunts,

I've got this female friend in whom I have been romantically interested in. It's been almost a year since we first met and didn't make a move because I'm a nervous idiot. I feel confident enough to ask her now but I'm afraid I'll lose her friendship if the feeling isn't mutual. I'm pretty sure she liked me too initially but now I think I'm mayor of the friend zone. Have any of you been asked out by someone you considered a friend? How did you react to it?

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (22 May 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntHonestly why do you think you would loose the friendship? Granted if she did not feel the same things may be awkward for a while but you would both soon learn to deal with it and save the friendship. Honestly you have nothing to loose. You have waited so long wondering what if. Just go ahead and do it!

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A female reader, RubyBirtle United Kingdom +, writes (21 May 2017):

Yes, I've been asked out by guys I considered "friends" but never a guy I considered a "best friend".

I still consider all of them friends but the word "acquaintance" might be a better term for most of them now. And I DID take a slight step back from the friendship in each case - just to make sure that I wasn't giving the poor guy too much encouragement or the wrong idea by involving him in my life too much.

I'm still good friends with one of them. When I turned him down and backed away slightly - he didn't push it or sulk, he went out and dated other people and eventually we were able to go back to an appropriate level of friendship.

And, one of the other guys I WOULD have dated if he'd asked me out sooner but he never did. For 3 years he never flirted with me except on the odd occasion when he was very drunk. He finally asked me out 3 days before he was about to leave town which kind of felt like a booty call so I declined.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2017):

I think you know it could go south if you've waited too long. Feelings change over time, and you have to stay-put if you didn't have the balls to make a move when that window was open. Now out of the blue, you're going to take that chance?

You held on to it and allowed yourself to be friend-zoned and now you're infatuated with a girl oblivious to your real feelings. I don't think that's healthy for a guy; because grown-men shouldn't be afraid to make a move when he sees the opportunity glaring him in the face. He passes up a chance due to cowardice. Yes, you could get shot-down. A real-man can take it. You have to learn to take rejection, because it is a part of the process of becoming a man. Facing your fears, and finding real-love. Now you cling to a person out of reach; and asking about how it might feel to somebody else??? What difference does it make how somebody else felt, what about how you feel? Following her around like a puppy, wishing things were different. Being forced by

sudden-courage found from longing and frustration. That's too desperate. Females may not agree, but this is man to man.

I hope you are still actively dating others, and not clinging to the hope she'll magically decide she's in-love with you. If she's seeing other men, the odds are highly against that. Letting some female put you in the "friend-zone" while feeding-off the best of your manhood and all you could be offering some great woman is foolish. You are depriving yourself of what you need and deserve. Surviving on crumbs of her affections; while she basks in your love,protection, and devotion. Not reciprocating a drop of what you give so easily. That gives me chills. Not in a good way. The kind you get watching a horror movie.

You need to be set free to find real-love. You're one of those wonderful kinds of guys who will show-up to save her whenever she's in distress, catch her when she falls; but never really being happy yourself. Watching her be with other men; while you wish she could look at you that way.

Let her go. If you can't be friends without infatuation; you have to.

It's the only way you can set yourself free; to feel for someone willing to offer you what you crave from someone who can't give it to you. I know some of the females answering your post will give you some sentimental response to let her know how you feel. If she has let you go this long, you're just a friend. She sees nothing else. If you lack the confidence to go for what you want, you need more time to mature.

Shyness is your enemy when it comes to love. You have to man-up and defy your fears for the woman you desire. I don't mean coming on too strong, going from one extreme to another. I mean testing the waters, and trusting your gut, before you jump in. There is always risk. She is taking a risk too. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

If you lose her friendship, that would be good under the circumstances. You need that rejection so you can develop the strength to bounce back, and get back on that horse that threw you off. Don't idolize a woman for her beauty; or think yourself unworthy based on the superficial. Your looks do not determine who you deserve; that depends on your character and best attributes as a man. If she is receptive to your signals, you follow-through. It's her right to ignore or reject your advances. It your cue to move on.

Follow your manly instincts and accept rejection only to mean she isn't the one for you. Not that you're not good enough, or she's too beautiful for a guy like you. If you've got a great heart, good character, and you're a solid-guy; our gender needs guys like that to get out there and kill all the bad stereotypes and misconceptions. To uphold the higher-standard for all us loving and understanding good-men. It's your duty and obligation as a man. It's what you deserve.

You're not the mayor of the friend-zone, you're the king of your manhood. You've let shyness dictate your fate. Next time, take a chance at the beginning. If you fail; be man enough to move on, and to try again when a new opportunity arises. We don't give up upon failure. Waiting months and years to get the balls to do something we should have done.

Consider it a missed-opportunity, and go forward.

We grow strength, learn from our mistakes, and develop immunity to our unsubstantiated fears. That's what a good strong woman wants to see in a man. Good things and powerful relationships grow from that.

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