A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Before I start and before anyone on here gets the wrong end of the stick and jumps to conclusions. I am friends with a female at work yes a female, and let me be clear. I don't have feelings for her or love this person, she is just a friend.Now that's all cleared up, lets begin, I'm friends with a female at work which ive stated. We share the same interests and get on well with each other.She told me how much she raised for her project so far and she is hoping to raise more, while she is abroad and hoping to make a difference in order to help the poor and disadvantaged children. And she also dropped a big bombshell that I didn't expect, last week she told me she was leaving for africa and wasn't coming back home for seven months, while I'm happy she is helping to make a difference.I'm worried she won't talk to me again or online and can sense it will happen.What should I do? Help.
View related questions:
at work Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 June 2016):
 Missing sorely someone who got away is alas a supercommon experience of life, sooner or later it will happen to everybody, and, you are right, it does not have to be a romantic interest, it can also be a friend or a coworker, someone who for some reason made your life sunnier and lighter.
It sucks, but, you know, life has an inesorable forward motion. You should always look forward not backward. Don't obsess over what you have " lost " - at least temporarily, don't live in the past , but try to be receptive and curious toward the new people and experiences that could enter into your life any time if you keep your mind and heart open. Everybody is precious- but nobody is irreplaceable. Sooner or later you may find other people whom you click with as well as with this friend here, or even better, as long as you don't cling to the " what could have been ".
Anyway- it's only 7 months ! If this is really a true friendship, equal on both sides, 7 months is nothing and it can be resumed when she comes back.
If it was a more unbalanced thing, where you cared a whole lot for this person, and she ... not so much really , then maybe not, maybe it won't be possible to bring things back to the same track you were on. But in this case too, there's a lesson for you : be open to everybody- but try and pursue friendships among equals. In the sense of people who value you same as you value them. Don't waste your energy on people who choose to keep you at arm's length.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2016): Thank you for the advice cindycares, and know you weren't being. It's a difficult situation this is for me as ive not faced it or had to face it before. Work isn't the same without her though.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (3 June 2016):
You can sense it will happen because probably it WILL happen. Not trying to be cruel here- just relistic.
This lady is leaving with some famine relief agency, or other charitable organization ; she has a project to develop, and a very hard work to do when she'll be in Africa. Her day and her mind will be full with her project and goals, she will be busy working, and adjusting to a new country, climate, food , culture and living conditions , which often for these type of workers are not exactly like Hilton hotels. She'll probably arrive at the end of the day exhausted, will take a few minutes to get in touch with her family ( IF she will have a reliable Internet connection where she is going ) and will just pass out till the morning.
So yes, it is higly probable that the friendly leisurely chitchat will fall by the wayside quite a bit.
Accept it. It's normal that this lady, like anybody else in the world, has a list of personal priorities, and at times keeping in touch with her social acquaintances ( if you are " friends at work ", i.e. just at work and you never meet off work , that's what you are, social acquaintances, not close friends ) may not be in the first places of the list.
You can still keep in touch , to ask her about her work in Africa, encourage her , support her. But- occasionally, with moderation. Don't be clingy, don't be needy, don't be demanding. She's got other priorities right now than being friends with you. So do not take it too personally if she is not punctual or effusive in answering you back.
If you are not heavy- handed, and will respect her times and spaces, probably when she is back you may resume your current friendly relationship . But if you pressure her because you miss her, I don't think she will be in the frame of mind to empathize with, considering what she is in Africa for and the problems she'll have to deal with.
...............................
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (1 June 2016):
 You ask:
"I'm worried she won't talk to me again or online and can sense it will happen.
What should I do? Help."
The first thing you should do is stop borrowing trouble. (worrying about things that might happen)
Start being more proactive in contact so you have a regular habit of contacts.
Don't tie up so much of her time that she can't find a romantic relationship, and when she does be prepared for a jealous lover who won't want you in regular contact.
Don't be this clingy with someone that you do have feelings for. (it's unattractive)
That should about cover it.
...............................
|
