A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating a man for 7 months. I have no children, he has 2 daughters ages 9 and 7. He doesn't see them very often (once a week) on the weekends. I have spent almost every weekend with him and when he gets them. They are great kids don't get me wrong, very sweet and cute. I however cannot help but feel resentful that they are not mine biologically. I find myself wishing they were ours. I would love to have a child one day of my own (just 1). He says he is done having kids and wants me to accept mine as his own. The issue is I am having a hard time loving them. I feel sad that he experienced those moments when they were infants and got to see all their milestones growing up. I want that and would love to experience that one day. When we are with his children, he refuses to hold hands with me and will not tell his daughters I am his girlfriend. He says he is not ready nor have I met their mother. Is this an issue for concern? It makes me feel insecure in our relationship and I have expressed this to him. His response is, if I don't like it oh well and that when he is ready he will tell them....When we are with his girls the resentment builds up. They constantly crawl on him and kiss him and love him, sometimes I feel nonexistent. He gets all their attention and I get nothing. I love him dearly and we are very compatible...Any thoughts?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 September 2017):
 It sounds like you are not compatible at all. You want a child and he doesn't. That is a deal breaker. He hasn't introduced you to the mother or them as your girlfriend, that is good, he is being responsible. It is to soon to let the children know that you and their dad are an item. It has only been seven months this needs time. But honestly you both want different things, and you are resenting innocent children for this. I think you should be with someone who has no children and wants one.
A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (27 September 2017):
 Dear, if you want kids and he doesn't then that is the biggest problem here because the two of you want different things.
Are you now just supposed to conform to what he wants? I think not. How about you let him go and try to find a man that wants the same things as you do or the resentment will continue to grow within you.
Ultimately though, it's your choice and I hope that you make the right one.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (26 September 2017):
If you want to have a child of your own and he says he is done having children then he is not the man for you. You're not going to change his mind and you shouldn't have to compromise. Do not listen to anyone who tells you are wrong to feel the way you do.
If you haven't, sit down with your guy tell him exactly how you feel about wanting a biological child. If he is adamant about not having another child you have a choice, give up your dream of a child or give him up.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (26 September 2017):
 How are you compatible if you want different things?
This clearly means a lot to you and this man will not give it to you. What else can you do besides break up and find a man that wants a child?
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (26 September 2017):
Deal breaker, you will want kids and he does not. Run far away and worry about yourself, life is way too short.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2017): You and this man are not compatible at all don't waste time with a man who doesn't want any more children, you need to find someone willing or you will resent him ... I don't think you have to love his kids as your own , the issue here is he doesn't want any children with you why you never disguted this b4 getting serious is beyond me ... and why is he letting you near his children without the mother knowing that's wrong too ...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (26 September 2017):
 So you are with a man who doesn't want any more kids and you want one, at least. That is not a very good start because you HAVE to realize this is HOW he feels. That he might NEVER change his mind about having another kid, and then what? YOU get "robbed" of the chance to have the experience of becoming a mother?
Yes, it's a little hard having an instant family with kids who are as "old" as his. You can still bond and have a great relationship but of course, they don't "feel" like they are yours because they are not yours.
I think he is being smart (actually) in not introducing you as the GF - but trust me a couple of girls at that age... they know. I think it's a little ridiculous that he has you spend time with them but you are not introduced as his new partner. Either he WAITS introducing you and having you around his kids or... he is HONEST with his kids. Personally, I don't think people with kids ought to introduce their dating partner(s) to their kids until there is a stability in the relationship so a good 10-12 months into it. I don't think it's fair to the kids.
Resenting a couple of kids is not right. It's not their fault their dad is an idiot when it comes to them and you. So if that is how you feel I think you should take his statement of "Oh well"... And find yourself a SINGLE guy without kids. Someone who WANTS a child with you.
Bring a potential stepmom is a BIG BIG responsibility. Kids deserve to have people who care and love them in their lives - not resentful people.
Which is why I say HE isn't a good match for you. And YOU aren't a good match for a guy with kids.
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