A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,I was wondering if anyone has had a similar situation and what tools they arrived at to cope, or likewise suggestions. Not exactly relationship- but i guess lack of family relationship questionI come from one pretty messy family. Alocholic mum since birth who has had affairs, crashed the car on my 6th birthday, just not emotionally stable or able to support, it's like she is the kid trying to kill herself or crying to me, to a father who always put everyone else first except his kids(including his cheating wife..now ex wife-ie my mum over us) has no idea of supporting except putting more pressure on. He's polish and just left us to fend for ourselves.My brother got in an awful car accident when he was 17 , damage was done and now he is almost distitute and violent to my parents who have no idea what they can do, last i knew he was living with my mum . I don't blame them. My other brother is totally jealous and insecure toward me, i've finally decided to cut contact, as i always tried to make him happy and be open and supportive and he's always dragged me down, insinuating that i don't deserve things like working my butt off and getting to europe like i have0- and thus getting nice experiences..whereas he is 30, wanting to be me. I'm 24 by the way...we are both musicians. And my sister..well she is ok, but successful and no time or interest in family..least of all me as she was the oldest and always viewed me insecurely..everyoen in the family saw that...again i would try make that contact and she would cut me down.I don't mean to sound sob story. I've been blessed in many ways..i'm attractive, good personality and smart.. I'm just over them all. I moved overseas last year, and im in a country where it's really quite tough. I have friends here- which i've since met, but these aren't really on my same wave length..hopefully i'll get into a school for study and then i'll be off in that area.. but it's getting tough. The competition is tough and finances are becoming shit, mental lack of support is the worst and i look around and see that the people who do well are the ones with the money and family support. It is kinda unfair. I feel like my dreams are slipping as i can't stay on top of things..maybe i have to go back home, but if i do then i am selling my dream as i can't see it working out there..i will have to change profession.Anyway i'm sorry to blab..really i am. I was just wondering if someone has a view to the world i can tap onto when i'm feeling to give up, or not practice or just be negative..? I am starting to realise the holes in my personality and i need to fix them but with everything going on i just feel to not try and instead be negative.. I know i'm 24, but since i was 14 i felt so alone from family and at those time's i was indifferent, but now i'm just realising the unfairness of it all i guess..?The thing is, i guess i need this support.
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affair, ex-wife, insecure, jealous, money, violent Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1  + ♥, writes (3 July 2009):
 A friend of mine on this site gave me some suggestions for books to read, and I really liked this one: The Road Less Traveled by Scott Peck. Basically, life is suffering. Once you grasp that, you can find the good stuff in it.
This is a crappy, imperfect world, and your experience here is total proof. I always thought that love could conquer all, until a close friend's death killed THAT notion for me forever. Maybe I'm becoming Buddhist, or something, but life is suffering. And once you wrap your happy, loving, sweet mind around THAT zinger, then you can embrace what matters and let go of the rest. Life will be crap. There will be people who make life crap. Then there are people who simply ARE crap. The trick is in identifying them and dealing with them appropriately.
Rise above the crap-shovelers. Willow them. "The willow turns its back on inclement weather" ... they can puff and howl and wail and storm and rage. You might get a little tossed around, but eventually, the storm passes, and there you are, soft and lovely and serene and whole. The storm is gone, all that energy and fury simply wasted on destruction. Not good for much of anything. The willow remains.
A
female
reader, Starlights  + ♥, writes (2 July 2009):
 firstly i have to say u are very strong person!
u deserve much goodness and i wish it upon u.
you sound like a very grounded, intelligent, caring, strong & talented person.
do not let the past hinder you from your dreams.
and to feel negative at times is only human and normal. recognise this.
do not give up on your dreams, you have to believe in yourself. when times get tough u need to look within yourself and remember how good u are, & how many struggles u have survived!
i myself havent had the best of upbringings and even at times my family havent supported me. but u have to accept them (family) as they are, they are never going to change, and its up to you to make your own life & to make your own happiness.
you are feeling drained because u feel u dont have the support of your family. this is very tough mentally.
but please remain strong, think how many times they wont there for u and u still didnt give up on yourself.
dont compare urself to others its unfair on yourself. u owe yourself to be kind to yourself.
ways to mentally pick u up, would be reading self help books, surround yourself with positive friends,
mentally vision urself in a better place and feel urself back to goodness. then u will find your music will get better.
once u reach a state of wellbeing in urself everything else will fall into place.
if u ever need a friend im an email away.
good luck!
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