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Guy wants me to swing with him

Tagged as: Friends with Benefits, Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 October 2016) 9 Answers - (Newest, 28 October 2016)
A female United States age 22-25, *chlysBeteNoire writes:

Me and this guy have been, not dating, but exclusive FWB. He been wanting a threesome. I ask what his other fantasy is. Sex in public. Lesser of two evils, I agreed to try. So he's been dragging me to sex shops. 6 months into the "relationship", he keeps bringing up swinging/swapping. I told him I don't want to. I really like him, but this is a deal breaker for me. He says he only wants to swing with me. how can I get him to understand?

View related questions: swinging, threesome

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (28 October 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntHe does not want anything serious with you, he is enjoying the set up you both have but he wants to push it further, you don't but he will keep trying. End things now as you both want very different things. He wants a lot of no strings fun and experiment and maybe am wrong but you want a relationship.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (28 October 2016):

Why are you so scared to tell him to push off? Are you afraid you will not find anyone else to abuse you and take advantage of you? Do you not want a real relationship with someone who values you as a person and who takes your sexual wishes into consideration? Why are you being pushed into doing stuff for this guy which you are not comfortable with?

YOU ARE WORTH MORE!

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A male reader, Xearo Trinidad and Tobago + , writes (28 October 2016):

If he has sex with you as FWB, there is no relationship to speak of and he will not want one because he is already getting what he wants.

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A female reader, Anonymous 123 Italy + , writes (28 October 2016):

Anonymous 123 agony auntSince you agreed to an FWB, my guess is that he's thinking you shouldn't have any sexual inhibitions. And obviously he doesn't care about your feelings because you're not in a relationship, he just wants all the sex he can, in every way that he can.

I don't really see what your problem is, though. If you're uncomfortable and not being able to get your message across to him then it's simple... Stop sleeping with him. It's not a relationship, there's no "breaking up". Find someone else who suits your needs.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (28 October 2016):

Honeypie agony auntWhy are you even bothering with him? All he wants to do is USE you. SEXUALLY.

He can't join a swinger club as a single man, so he NEEDS a partner, but.... he doesn't want a relationship so he has you...

Does he only want to swing with you? What kind of bullshit is that? The whole IDEA of swinging is swapping partners AKA not having sex with you!

Wish him well and end it. Block him and move on.

Why are you settling for a FWB anyways?

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A male reader, Dodds Kenya +, writes (28 October 2016):

Dodds agony auntSorry sister but I think your relationship has come to the end of the road. You now have a choice of either walking uncharted territory or going your separate ways. Make a decision for YOU!

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (28 October 2016):

End it! He just needs someone to co-pilot his sex excursions and you really want a boyfriend. You don't want to be his freak of the week.

He's too much (in the wrong way), and you really want more.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2016):

I just couldn't be a FWB with a guy looking for strictly sex. Because those types of guys will always try to exaggerate and escalate their sexual needs, fantasies, and desires. And want to do crazy things you are not prepared for. Over time, their fantasies will grow more perverse and exaggerated because they need the fix to get bigger and better. It will never be enough. WHY? Because these men are SEX ADDICTS. It is so much more than just sex for them. They are addicted to the thrills and fantasy. You are just a living blow up doll whose only purpose is for your body (with your consent) to be used in any way they see fit to feed their sexual addiction. And he feels he is entitled to own you and get you to do whatever his twisted mind desires because it's all about the sex. His OWN gratification. And he thinks that obviously you must share his views since you are providing him with no strings attached sexual pleasures. He does not care enough about your feelings. He doesn't care at all. If he did, he would not suggest such a potentially damaging scenario. So many risks involved in dangerous sex play. Emotional. Physical. He obviously does not care about you or value you enough to agree with your wishes. Instead he just persists. If he did, he would put his idea to rest at the first sign of resistance on your part. But he is going to keep pushing his agenda, hoping you will cave. Because he is not interested in you. He just wants somebody who is willing to do the dirty with him. Ever watch 9 1/2 weeks? I suggest you find yourself another guy to have sex with. Honestly, I would find a guy to have a proper relationship with. One who respects you. One who would never suggest something like this to you. Why do you want to be his cum dumpster? You are worth more. I will tell you if any guy suggested this to me, even once, the relationship would be over.

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A female reader, RubyBirtle United Kingdom + , writes (28 October 2016):

If it's a deal-breaker - then break the deal! You've already told him that you don't want and he can't respect that so end it. We can never MAKE anybody understand how we feel. We can only hope that they feel the same way and he clearly doesn't

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