A
male
age
18-21,
Elof Valantor
writes:This isn't really a question... I'm more after some advice, a few words of wisdom, or whatever. So anyway...I recently (i.e. a few weeks ago) finally got over a very large and badly handled online infatuation that had lasted about 10 months. I suppose a little background is needed on that.Basically in november of 2006 I got to know a girl in America through a forum and we ended up spending a few weeks trading passionate PMs, before getting a little more serious and going to IM, and ended up having one of these online internet relationships. In january '07 she broke it off citing split feelings with another guy. Looking back I can say I took this very very badly, making things very awkward, especially when she hooked up with this other guy (online again). Then in the spring about may time we started the passionate IMing again (I was pushing for it. Guess I hoped it'd make her want me again on a personal and not sexual level), and this time things got a lot more serious. Pictures, videos. We really really got into it. It was really good, except she was supposed to be with this other guy. I still wanted her really badly, she didn't want me outside of the sexual side of things. This stopped later in the summer and started up again in the autumn briefly, before I caved in to my feelings and gave her an ultimatum.Her reply was negative and since then I've not felt caught up at all. It was a relief in fact. We still talk and are friends, but that's it.Now this is where I'd like some advice. I don't feel caught up about anything any more - I don't despair or long achingly or anything like that. But I do still like her a lot. I have some pretty strong feelings (the kind that make you smile). Enough to wish that maybe one day, when the past is sufficiently behind, something could start up again. I'd like to know just what you make of it.There are things about her that attract me in ways nothing else ever has. Sexually she arouses me more than anyone ever has with her figure, voice, eyes, all of it. Just thinking about her in can often be enough to arouse me. But I also like who she is a lot, and we share a lot of interests (except games, she hates games, I love 'em). More often than not I think of doing normal, boring stuff with her (i.e. shopping... and I hate shopping) and that gives me, in a weird way, more satisfaction than the sexual side of things.However, being the over complicating sort that I am I do think about the online part a lot. I realise we could be completely different to what we portray online and all that. I now think that I do indeed act differently online (a revelation I had quite recently) so I try keep a realistic perspective on the whole thing.So should I harbour those hopes for something later on? Or do some of you think I should cut contact and back away? I'm interested in peoples take on it. We wouldn't be able to meet for about 2 years, so that's a lot of time to sort things out and see what happens.I will add: the past is A LOT more complicated than what I put here... (i.e. strict parents didn't take kindly to roses turning up - long story) so try not to look at things too specifically. Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Belle_Morte  +, writes (4 January 2008):
 People should get with the times.A lot of people date nowadays online. And they turn out to be healthy long-term relationships(after meeting in person). What most of these people don't seem to understand is your situation. It is entirely possible to love someone you've never met. Those who say otherwise can't tell you anything because they haven't yet experienced it for themselves. Yes, it's true that most people lie about who they are online. But you find that in real life as well. Anyone can pretend to be something they're not. Whether it's online or in "real" life.Now getting back on topic, honestly i think you're still infatuated with her. Maybe at some point you came to care for her, maybe even thought you loved her..It sounds to me you're still harbouring some kind of emotion that i think is going to take you much longer than a few weeks to be rid of..if ever. Of course i could be wrong, i only know what you've shared with us. Should you wait and see what happens? If you'd like, but don't forget the people around you. Someone worth noticing might pass infront of you, and it would be a shame if you missed that because your thoughts were caught up in a girl living in another country. In the end you know what's best for you. Whatever you decide i wish you luck in it:)
A
female
reader, tiebreaker +, writes (3 January 2008):
i cant see why you couldent keep the friendship an open one, just treat her as any other person and remane friendly see what happens i wouldend close the door on her friendship after all you have nothing to loose have you, but keep an open mind and widen out on your frienship with others around you, people that you meet in normal life can be more interesting than the people on line ive found. on line your only told what they want you to here, thats ok, but not always wise to take everything at face value.continue on being the happy go lucky person that you are, this will atract people like you.
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A
male
reader, Dr Vendetta +, writes (3 January 2008):
 i'm sorry i really am. but i got to the second paragraph and i've heard all i need ot hear.Online dating, no... Please. for your own sake and sanity. look for a girl. a real girl. in the real world. not a text box on msn.
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A
female
reader, Star_07 + ♥, writes (3 January 2008):
 Ok. This is my personal opinion, so please dont take this badly!
I think the online chats are EVIL. You create your own world in there, make friends, and have passionate relationships. You become addicted and you find yourself spending most of your time on there (or really late nights).
Yes, they are with real people on the other end but you often forget that the relationship is NOT real. You can be anything and anyone you want to be on the internet and quiete frankly, its bullshit. I wont say that everyone on there is desperate but I would say many of them are. I went through the whole online thing as a teenager, met many guys. The people I met werent bad people but they are certainly people I would NEVER talk to in real life. I do believe that there is a small percent of online dating that really works out in real life but I think the BEST way to date is to get out there and meet REAL people. You know right away if you are attracted to them or not. You know almost right away if you would date that person. There is no false perception in real life except yes, we can be lied to. But the internet opens the door for a world a false perceptions and false identities.
As for you, I do NOT think you should wait for some strange girl that you barely know. You might think you know her but believe me, its conjoured up in your head. Even if you talk to someone on the phone, you are still using your imagination. Move on and please stay away from online chats and dating!
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