A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm sorry if this is not the right place to post but I need help in understanding what my girlfriend of 3 years is going through. I don't know where else to go. Last year a death in my girlfriends family had a huge affect on her and I have been there for her. After 3 months of her relative passing my girlfriend knew she needed more help so visited the doctor, they instantly prescribed her with fluoxotine as well as some counselling. She did not like the counselling finding it patronising but continued with the fluoxotine at a high dose. My sister also suffers from depression and was on fluoxotine for two years, she claims it tore her life apart and have gained more of an understanding about the drug. I understand it's an ssri which can mess with people's feelings and desires. This is not the only personal example I know of,many family friends have suffered with depression and after using ssris have seen their relationship go to pot. I feel that the past two months have been tough on our relationship, she is beginning to make irrational decisions without thinking about the consequences on her and others around her and things that are completely out of character . She claims she still loves me however is no way near as affectionate as she used to be and her sex drive has completely gone. I feel that she is pushing me away. Her communication efforts have completely gone. This "flatlining" as such is prime examples of how ssris can affect us. She refuses to blame any problems regarding our relationship on her depression or these drugs.I can't go on watching her suffer and make mistakes. It's like I'm running into a wall. How can I talk to her about my concerns regarding the drugs without sounding preachy or turning her completely against me?
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (22 July 2015):
 I would ask her to talk to her doctor (if possible) about either changing the dosage or the meds all together, specially if she doesn't seem to get better, just more.. erratic. Or maybe have your sister talk to her? Since she has been there, done that? Sometimes it helps hearing it from someone who cares about you, but also HAVE been there.
However, IF she isn't WILLING to listen to you, your sister or go see a doctor I don't really SEE what you can do.
Have you talked to her parents/siblings? That could be another avenue.
HER mental health IS on her. (not her fault, but for HER to WANT to get help with it.) You have been there through think and thin to support her. BUT that can ONLY last so long.
My guess is the depression is worsening even WITH the meds. I'm wondering if she is self-medicating (taking a bigger dose than needed or using something that doesn't mesh with her meds) The pushing you away is a TYPICAL sign of depression. People who are depressed don't feel "worthy" to BE around people who care for them, and then people who are ON meds AND depressed can become incapable of reciprocating, they simply become numb.
She needs HELP, you can ONLY offer support. IF she doesn't SEEK help nothing will change.
I think she KNOWS things are not right. She is just in a numb state where she actually can't give a flying fart. And that is not good. And I know it's HARD to ask for help, it can be VERY hard to go see a doctor (again) but these are the things she NEEDS to do... for HERSELF.
So I would say this, IF she is not willing to get help WHAT choice do you have but to either STAY (and be miserable watching her decline) OR leave?
A
female
reader, jenson86 +, writes (22 July 2015):
First of all, well done for sticking by her, she will need you at this time although she may not be showing it. Depression is an illness that can affect many parts of the person's life, i know from experience. It sounds like this medication may not be the right one for her. You could sit her down over a nice meal maybe just the two of you and explain how you feel. Suggest you both go back to the doctors and see if they can change the medication. The irrational decision making, communication and sex drive does make me think that her medication needs adapting. People with depression can make decisions that are irrational without realising the consequences. Loss of sex drive and lack of communication is definietly also linked to depression. When you talk to her explain you are concerned and just want to help her. She will not see and understand that her illness is having an impact on your relationship as with depression you don't always think straight. It must be hard for you at this time and so frustrating but once she receives the right help hopefully you can start to get the relationship back on track. She is lucky to have you sticking by her through this hard time.
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