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Girl likes me but has a boyfriend

Tagged as: Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 June 2008) 6 Answers - (Newest, 5 July 2008)
A male United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:


I fell for a girl who i know from work, she is great and we always have eye contact and flirt. But then i realised she had a boyfriend. She told me she wasnt happy with the situation and stuff and i accepted that and i told her my feelings, and she told me she felt the same way.

Anyway i was walking with her one day and like it was

weird we just kissed and smiled at each other.

We talked for hours on the phone too.

But now it gets complicated... Her bfs bought a holiday for him and her and is paying for it and she doesnt want to break up with him till after because she will feel bad about the prices. I dont know what to do :(

Do i just wait it out and let her go away with him for a week?

View related questions: flirt, has a boyfriend

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2008):

Man i am in this same situation, it is really hard. I hate it i just want hr to break up with the guy. I think im going to have to move on it is just to hard, i go over to her house and i just cant stand it, it hurts bad. Ive passes up other women just so i could have her if she breaks up with him. This has been going on for about a week.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2008):


JTalbott is right.

She obviously doesn't care that much about your feelings, not to mention the lack of character. "I don't like this guy anymore but I'll sleep with him a another week to get this free vacation."

Yuck. I'd keep moving.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2008):

I am in the exact same situation. We only realised we had feelings for each other last september, she broke up with her bf at the end of last year. The reason for her delay is that she didn't want to hurt anyone again, but she eventually built up the courage. We are doing exactly what chickpea13 suggested, so it has been about 5 months. There are other issues we are trying to get past, ie her ex now works with me, and she has quit. So thats why it is taking a little longer for us to take things more seriously, but if there is nothing like that, i'm sure if you be patient, 2 months would be plenty and things will work out. All the best of luck.

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A male reader, JTalbott United States +, writes (12 June 2008):

JTalbott agony auntSorry budd, the reasons don't matter, if she's having sex with another man, as the book says, "She's just not that into you."

Time to refocus your energies on someone else.

The sooner you do it, the sooner you begin to move on.

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A female reader, chickpea13 United States +, writes (12 June 2008):

i'm not entirely sure how she plans to fake a holiday of that nature with someone who she obviously no longer has the appropriate feelings for, buuuut if she has a plan then... good for her. one thing, only so as to keep in mind the feelings of her boyfriend (soon to be ex), when she doooes break up with him, whenever that be, i suggest you give it time before you start seeing one another - only because she should allow her boyfriend sufficient time to move on and get over it. additionally, being broken up with and then shortly having them move on in zero time is the biiiggest blow - it also highlights the possibility that she has left him for someone else, another major blow - that can seriously damage someone's self-esteem. i don't know how patient you are, but i think you should at least (emphasis on 'at least') wait a month (only because i'm so conscientious in this way - i would be tempted to wait two) only to be fair to the feelings of her ex. wishing you luck :)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2008):

Think of it this way - He's paying for her holiday, which will save you a few quid if you got with her and she wanted one with you.

Wait till she gets back and see if she's still interested. She may be one of those women whose thinking is of a rather mercenary nature. If so, you're better off staying well clear. A barge pole springs to mind.

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