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Getting over someone who does not love you back.

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 July 2007) 35 Answers - (Newest, 3 April 2011)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

hey guys i was wondering if u could give me any tips on dealing with or getting over loving someone who u know doesnt love u back, im finding it so hard

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2011):

Okay , this might be a long answer but I honestly know what you're going through..and I know this was posted a while ago but I was searching on google how to get over someone , and for some reason reading this made me cry , because you definitely deserve someone way better , that will treat you special too , and that you never should feel like she's hiding something from you or that you ever feel the need to cry. The only time you should ever cry in a relationship is for happiness. That may sound cliche or cheesy, but it's true. I am glad I took the time to read that because while I was reading I didn't come up with just an answer for you , I came up with one for myself as well. I do hope that you moved on and found someone you deserve and that deserves you and hope you're living life the way you should. Even though I found my answer for myself , it may take awhile , but at least I am headed somewhere right ? I guess all you can do is hope the best for the person you love and wish them a life of happiness because even though they may not be with you , sometimes that is just the way it goes and maybe that's just a way of showing it's not meant to be. I wish you all the best in life and again I hope you've moved on to bigger and better things/people !

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2011):

Well honestly i thank you guys a lot for all the comments you made it helped me out a lot this is my story

I just got dumped from a 6 years relationship with someone who i thought i would spend my life with honeslty it hurts so much right now it's been a week and i've tried so much to call and even went to her work place several times to talk to her she doesn't even want to see me anymore it all started about a couple of months ago we would fight about nothing or sometimes petty things for no reason and she would say to me she wants out of the relationship and how i stress her out too much and how i have her in a box she cant go no where and she cant have no friends and not even see family members honeslty guys i she would be very shady with her phone about who is calling her and deleting numbers when i would be next to her i even saw couple of text messages and no so on from guys saying a set of BS and she would ask me to forgive her and trust her..i sometimes check her phone constantly to see who is calling and and whats going on,when we would fight she would tell me a lot of mean things and it would hurt so much it would make me cry thinking how she turned into this person i knew her since she was in school and she was never like this and when she would see me crying she would come and apologize and kiss me and hug me saying that she was not her self and when we are fighting again for no reason again she would say that she only made up with me cause she saw i was crying damn i feel like shit honestly it came to a point in the relationship that it felt i was begging her to stay with me guys honestly i treat her like a queen i do everything for her any woman would want i wasn't working but when ever i got money i would take her out and buy her things to show her i appreciate her being around i love her so so much that my chest hurts sometimes when she would start fighting with me and she would always say to me saeed you push me away so far away from you i donno if i could come back and i asked her if she loved me and she said yes but not like before and that crushed me i told her that i'm sure i could bring you back to me..More than one time when we would fight i would go to her place and talk to her cause like i said she said it was stress and i would try to fix it but she lies to me about little things about her phone and guys and crap like that so that's why i would always be around her you know honeslty i cant stop thinking about her it came down to a few week after the six years when she called me saying she wants to go out with her mother and she would be home at a certain time cause that when we talked i called her to say i'm any angry and it's ok but she did not answer her phone then she called back asking what's was the problem then i had a feeling she was out be her self so i went to her place and that's when she just said she was with me for sympathy and how she has someone else and man did that crush me i begged and begged and cry i even got her to come back at my place the next day and she called the guy on the phone to prove me to me that she have someone else i didnt even introduce my self to the person but the person knew what was my name and a set of nonsence guy since then i haven't been eating,sleeping i think of her so much of times she even told me if i come around her that she will call the cops on me she changed her phone number she even told people that she doesn't even want to see me walking on the road i honeslty feel like dying please guys help me out here was it my fault that this happned did i push her away..Ps i'm a great guy i call her 2-3 times a day to say baby i love you dont let the job stress you out i walk her to the bus stop then call home to make sure she is safe and no we dont live together i give her everthing i had and i never thought about my self i always put her first in my life and look what happend i sometimes get up the night thinking about suicide cause i cant take the hurt anymore we made promises to each other about never to leave and i kept my to the last breath of this why would she leave and guys she did say that i cant give her what she wants anymore that she wants to travel and see the world and how she could have been another country that it was me keeping her back.

sorry for the long post it's a lot on my mind please reply and yes i was her first she was a virgin when we meet.Please tell me what to do she doesn't return my calls doesn't even want to see me if I'm not well its really cruel to do something like that to somebody like me but i still love her so much.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2011):

I know what you mean. I liked this guy and he was giving me mixed signals, but I decided to try anyways. Ii left him a note in his locker saying we need to talk, so i could tell him how I really felt. He read the note and then joked with his friends about it when I was near, getting stuff from my lockers. I felt crushed and embarrassed and I really liked him too...

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2010):

I have a crush on this guy at school :(

I think he knows he always give me mix messages

& it really hurts me because in front of his friends

he would brush me off as if I was nothing but when

we were alone he was well being himself in front of me

& I guess I fell for him ... /3

I hate it because Im really shy and his loud

so I dont really understand if his using me or

his being serious D;

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A male reader, Will11Snook United Kingdom +, writes (11 October 2010):

im going through this right now. i was with my no ex-partner for 18 months and had a baby together. then one day it all changed. she threw me out and is now stopping me seeing my son. i want her back but i know she wont have me back. i dont have many freinds so i dont go out socializing much..... =\

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2010):

I agree with everyone here. This is the worst possible feeling when you love someone so much and you do not get the same in return. I have had the same experience where I love this girl so much and one day when i confided my feelings she told me that she had never seen me in that manner and nor will she ever. This really hurts bad. But what can you do. You need to move on even though that is the hardest thing. In order to keep myself busy, I listened to music (nothing related to love) and play my guitar. Whenever I think I can never get her in my life, I get angry with this life and I just play my guitar. I cannot help it...just gotta live with this feeling inside and hope you find someone who loves you soon.

Dont worry guys, you deserve better in life. And when you find the real one you will forget everything that happened to you in the fast. for now just try to enjoy life atleast.

Good Luck to everyone who has gone through this feeling.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2009):

my story's kinda simple

i've known this guy for eight years and we're really good friends and over the past year or so i've begun to develop strong feeling fro them. Not the kind of highschool flirting type feelings either.

I acctually thought we might have a chance together but recently he's started going out with one of my closest friends.

I want the hate the girl but i can't cause she's lovely and one of my best friends, and i want to hat e the guy for being completely oblivious to how i feel about him, but it's neither of their faults.

Every day i have to sit through classes and luch with them next to me, all over each other and i can't say anything.

And whats worse is they make a really cute couple.

Hope someone can relate to this

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2009):

my story's kinda simple

i've known this guy for eight years and we're really good friends and over the past year or so i've begun to develop strong feeling fro them. Not the kind of highschool flirting type feelings either.

I acctually thought we might have a chance together but recently he's started going out with one of my closest friends.

I want the hate the girl but i can't cause she's lovely and one of my best friends, and i want to hat e the guy for being completely oblivious to how i feel about him, but it's neither of their faults.

Every day i have to sit through classes and luch with them next to me, all over each other and i can't say anything.

And whats worse is they make a really cute couple.

Hope someone can relate to this

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2009):

well i know how alot of you are feeling. Just recently i started talking to this girl. she was my best friends girl kind of they never were actually in a relationship but they were close to it. one day we had a get together at my house and he decided to leave and left her there without a ride home. so she was pissed and came and talked to me we hada nice conversation for a while and it then became flirting. well i was the only one with a car and i ended up having to take her home. so i did willingly and the flirting continued we ended up exchanging numbers and that was the end of it. she began iming me and once again the flirting stayed mean while my friend and her were arguing constantly and never getting along. then we moved to talking on the phone and txting but now it was alot more inuendo taling and beyond flirting. so one day we decided to hang out we were suppose to go to the movies but first hang out at my house first. so i picked her up she came over and we just chilled for a while till she started teasing me and with everything in my body i resisted knowing i was a bad friend if i did anything. this went on for an hour till i couldnt control any more and gave in and do not regret it. her and my friend are no longer a thing but i feel like we became more of just friends then anything else. and the problem is i dont want that i want something more with her but i fear that she doesnt feel the same way. every now and then she will bring up the subject of us hooking up and it makes me wonder if she does have feelings. we started drifting a bit and dnt talk as much. idk wut im suppose to do my mind wants to give up but my heart wants to keep trying. its so hard to forget someone that makes you feel the way i feel. idk maybe im just crazy.... http://www.myspace.com/61381335 thats my myspace hit me up if anything

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A female reader, ashmina United Kingdom +, writes (9 May 2009):

A while ago i went to this party, and met my friends long term girlfriend. We became sort of 'interested' in each other and before we knew it we became a secret item. It was so wrong in so many ways but we kept meeting up behind my friends back and doing things teenagers recently shouldnt be for about 5 whole months. And then i made the biggest mistake, i fell inlove. This is very unusual, i never fall inlove and get attached. I'm self centred and have teh largest ego ever, but she changed all that. She liked me a lot i could tell, and broke up with my friend because of it hoping to give me and her 'a chance'. Then a few days later, she tells me she loves my friend and she's in tears to me about it all. i was so angry and hurt that she threw me away like that so easily and had the audacity to tell me this knowing she promised me a chance. I told her how i felt and she didnt even care. Nothing. She didn't text me back, call me or anything of that sort. She just didn't care. I was so heartbroken i didn't even know what to do with myself. I'm still not over it but i figured that if she doesnt care why should i? Distance is the key word. When you find someone else, even if it's nothing serious, it helps you remember that there are other people out there that want you. You don't need anyone to make you happy because to be frank, people are mostly a big dissapointment. Never let your guard down and allow someone to throw you around and make you feel worthless. You deserve better and remember, there are plenty more opportunities to fall inlove so don't give up on it.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2009):

i feel killed in the inside. its as if my soul is being drained from me taking my emotions and love and happiness. i may be in the "kids love" stage, but it feels so painful. worse is that i see them in nearly every class i have. and in one class we sit almost next to each other. it kills me to know that i love her and yet she loves someone else. i dont realy know the person she likes, so i can't tell if he fits her at least in my opinion( the most i know about him is onetime he past me and said shut up to me at lunch when i was talking to my friend). she's nice caring hyper loving cute and so much more...... uhg even worse is that no one knows. (i had a bad thing with secrets when i was little, id alwasy keep theres but sometimes they would tell mine.) i have know one to talk to so i must keep it in. i have never truly fallen in love exept with this person. ( at least im pretty sure.) we hav so much alike. i am one of the only true nice people i see a school or at home. im caring kind hyper and again so much more. i do not know this person outside of school or know them more than as a freindly way. i feel i cant stop thinking about them i find myself thinking of something like soccer and she will apear in my head. i feel i cant take it anymore and its going to kill me. any help i cant skip school or not see them (as i stated earlyer) I HATE LOVE ...................................................... it sets you free from things by binds you even closer to them all.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2009):

I never realised how many people there were out there going through the same thing as me.

three years ago was when i first saw her, but back then i was so shy, little by little we spoke, although most of our communication was done in maths lessons throwing paper at each other. eventually i plucked up enough courage to get my mate to ask her out for me, (yes, my mate) she said yes and i was overjoyed, however due to how shy we were we never kissed and only went out once to the cinema, it lasted 3 months then she broke up with my by text, i was crushed but nevertheless moved on and went out 3 other girls over a year period, during this year she also went out with my best friend, (the same one) i didn't really mind, however, 6 months ago, (she really disliked me by now, and we had both lost our shyness) 6 months ago she was moved next to me in science. after a couple of lessons i began to make small wisecracks, eventually i gained a small friendship with her which quickly grew into me liking her again. then, during one of our nightly IM talks, she told me she liked my best friend (AGAIN, the same one) i didn't mind but i knew that he didn't like her, (he told me) she asked him out and was rejected and i was her shoulder to cry on, by now we were BEST of friends, constantly texting emailing etc. i knew she was crazy about him just as i was crazy about her, 2 months ago i confessed to her, she was very nice about it and told me she didn't like me and she was sorry, again, i was crushed. we continued to be the best of friends and eventually she got over him. i know she doesn't like me and i know shes my soulmate, i don't want anyone else. but i feel its time to let go. i have begun thinning out my texts to her because i want to forget, but she doesn't. she keeps texting asking me whats wrong and why i don't text so much anymore, its killing me but i have to do it. otherwise it will hurt me in the future. I would jump at a chance with her but i know in my heart its never going to happen. so that's why i must run away now. to save the future.

sorry for the essay but it helps me to get it all out,

hope someone out there can relate.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2009):

i went onto this website to see how other people deal with things and get over someone. im only 17 so ull all propbably laugh when i say i think im in love. ive liked the same girl for over 7 months now and although some of you are saying how youve been in love with the same person for years on end, i find it impossible to simply forget about her. im sure i speak for all the thread replyers when i say that you think about that person everyday for a long time.

my personall problem is that this girl doesnt like me back, she was on and off at firsdt, and then we became good freidns so i told her and got a bad reaction. my friends al hate her because fo the way shes 'treated me' as overt the 7 months she has constantly flirted with me but when it conmes down to it, it menas something to me and nothing to her. just need to know how to foget. we havnt spoken in 2 weeks or so now, since our last agrument, and i dont know wether to just forget or carry on hoping. all her friends say ild be the right person for her cos im nicea and all her previous bf's treated her like shit?

what am i meant to do now?

and to all of you people who left quotes to forget people, that the silliest thing ive heard in ages, taking your mind off things helps yes, but phrasese wont help anyone with getting over someone.

iwish eeveryone who has a similar problem than i have in terms of trying to get over someone who you think the world of and i think i know how you all feel.

x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2009):

I know this was posted almost 2 years ago but I am going through this now and have been for the past 5 years. The person I love does not want me but doesnt mind coming to me when he wants a quick fling which I stupidly give into. Because Im finding it so hard I have decided to go travelling to oz for a year or so hopefully at the end of this year. I know how painful it is. I love him with all my heart and wont love anyone else although I want that so much. I really hope this will heal my heart.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2009):

hey im goin through the same thing and its hard .. i still love him with all my heart and knowing he dusnt feeel the same absoloutly crushes me .. everthing reminds me of him . i went to the bowling alley the other day and burst into tears cos thats where we used to go all the time .. we were soo competive lol but i know its hard im strugglin with it but i have to get over him. i cant see my self with no one else .. when he broke up with me he told me he was thinkin of marryin me ..thats y its soo hard to come to terms with .. seeing weddings hurts me .. it shouldnt but it does cos i think of it could have been us there one day .. he was the 1 for me and he told me i was the one 4 him . but yea life thruws us all challenges amd im determined not to let my ex win

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A male reader, seth dietrich United States +, writes (1 February 2009):

I've loved the same woman for 42 yrs. We have never been married, never slep together. We are married to others. I will never get over her. The best way to deal with it all depends on the individual. But think of this and I shall quote Spock on Startrek. "Sometimes having isnt necesarily quite as pleasing as wanting"

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2008):

Its not that easy you must learn to love yourself and be happy, Mary J Blige said it best in her song BE HAPPY "how can i love somebody else? if i cant love my self enuff to know when its time to let go. and thats what you must do .... Let go and and be happy with yourself then thats when god will bless you with someone who will love you for you and you dont have to jump threw hoops to get the same back.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2008):

Its quite hard coz am in it too and I've always told myself I want to move on but anytime i tried to do so i found myself in it again. So i told myself to think positively and focus on other things which have nothing to do with relationships and its working.

I find myself too busy to even send her a text message and its helping me a lot to forget about her.

I guess the trick is to just keep your mind busy all te time.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2008):

Getting over someone is hell on earth. There really is no magic wand. Sometimes just gettin thru the night seems like climbing everest. Remember the first time u felt this way? U never believed u wud get thru it did u? Yet u did. We all do it. Sometimes all u can do is force urself to go thru it hour by hour. Dont txt them for an hour. When u get to the hour, try holding back another hour. Keep it up as long as u can. It is NOT always like pulling off a band aid. These steps are small, that said they are difficult to climb and therefore require time and effort. But each one takes u that bit closer to where u need to be. Its not about moving on, its about healing, and dealing with the pain in a way that is rite for u. Be honest with urself and set goals that are reachable. Focus on something else, even if its only for 30mins. Run. Whack on ur trainers and run. The pounding of ur feet on the ground can really help u to release that pain, exercise also releases endorphins which make u feel happy, keep it up and u wil look AND feel better. Write in a diary how u feel and what u did to try and combat it that day. Writing can help release some pain, just by gettin it out of ur head and on2 paper feels like it is being 'dealt with'. Dont be afraid to cry. U are not alone here. Many ppl are feeling so desperately hurt and lonely rite now. Im one of them.

Ur in my thoughts.

x *j* x

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A male reader, Sunshineforever United States +, writes (2 November 2008):

I understand all what has been said in this thread. Actually I myself am writing about this because i want to hear it from myself. So this post is primarily to satisfy myself more than anything else. For over a year I've been trying to bottle things up inside and yesterday i totally lost it. In my desperation I almost did things outside of my nature. Anyways, i have no clue in what lines this post will be based on. I kept staring at google for awhile wondering what to do with my life when i realized why not google it. I was rather surprised to find so many links and issues talking about the same thing.

It does not make me feel good that so many of us have to go though this in life. The other day a friend of mine was telling me that time heals us all and to be patient and allow time to correct and heal things. He went onto to say that in a few years i would probably wonder why i wasted my time, energy and tears. Little does he know that we all have to up with the present and live life NOW. I've heard this kind of crap advise before and i feel it does more harm than good.

Anyways i feel i am deviating from what i should write about. Dont we all want to be happy? be loved, cared for and told that we mean so much in their lives. This pursuit of happiness is what brings forth hurt not eventually but most times. Right now i am scared to pursue to be happy. This is what comes back to haunt us one day. The very things that made me feel lifted are the very things that hurt me today and for the last one year. The breakup i went through was no ordinary one. We were in love. And we were inseparable. However, fate has it that her parents would never give their consent for us ever being together. Why? because we were different. How different does not matter, it could be religion, caste god knows what else. I can never but into this and still wonder why at this day and age people can be so narrow minded. Anyways that's all besides the point. We knew we will end up together. But this did not stop ourselves from allowing our hearts to fall in love. And fall hard at that too. We carried on for two years where each passing day we were more in love and realizing more what reality was. It came to a point where she realized we has to be georgraphically distance to end it. She worked on going abroad to pursue her studies. All this at that time i know was the right thing to do. So why am i hurting this much? well i have my reasons. If i am not to divert too much on what i have to say probably i will clearly intimate it. The truth is that she still loves me and so do i. Loving me was the one thing that stopped her from living the present, we both had forgotten to laugh and smile in our absence. Few months after she left even though we had promised we would not correspond with each other we started to talk. For a few days all was the same and we were both happy but knowing the back of our mind that it would get even harder as we move along. Few months from that i began to get the feeling that she was changing. Not that she was losing feelings or anything just that it made me feel that something more was going around. few days later she confesses that she wants to move on and she met a guy whom she thinks she can spend the rest of her life with. I didnt reply to her mail until she did so asking why i didnt. She forced herself to move on and todate shes with him. And to make matters worse her parents dont consent her being with him either. But she has gone too far with him so the cycle repeats. She in a sense is obligated to with him and pretend. How do i know all this? because a a year after we stopped talking she contacts me and in away pours her heart out to me not trying to lose it. So here am i knowing that the person whom i love still loves me but have to convince herself and the rest of the world that she loves someone else. And this too a person whom she probably wont end up with. For gods sake if she was to end up with him i would just be happy for her and accept reality. I have to contend with such a situation where her mistakes together with her parents nonsense is hurting nobody more than me. To top all of this i have to see things around me showing how in love they are. I am telling facebook can be a curse sometimes. It can ruin peoples lives.

Where was i? So how am i supposed to feel after all this. We were talking for awhile and each passing day i was getting emotional and asking her to do the right thing? What is the right thing i kept wondering? sometimes i just feel i am selfish and messed up. Other times i just feel i deserve better. People who knew us know how amazing we were together. And she keeps reaching out to me i know because she herself finds it hard to fight against. Who the hell is at fault because of all this? why does god script such a destiny for us. Most people i know go through much in life but if you ask them what keeps hurting them most they might explain the things that isnt the root cause. I feel some people just dont know how to express themselves. Same with me. The smallest thing can set me off to lose it. It could be a simple photo on facebook, or it could be something i hear about. Why does these meaningless things hurt the most. If not for love these things would never matter. I know because i have been with people whom i didnt love. Well it was never the same. Moving on wasnt hard at all. Why does love have to have two faces. Why???

Right now i just want to lose myself. Sometimes my imagination takes over my whole body and soul. I just want to get into a coma and wake 5 years from now with amnesia and start a new life. Thats the truth thats what i keep thinking of. Maybe i am a coward but i just want to erase the happiest times of my life from my memory. Is this wrong? is it even moral to think that way. The very things that elated me and made me feel more than a person are the very things that hurts me the most.

What am i even saying? I dont know how to get over her. Ive tried everything the past year. I mean everything. To top everything off i have added issues of her still loving me and having to live an obligatory life still haunting and hurting me. I am actually hurting for two people here. Myself and hers.

I love her with all my heart. She grew into me and my heart took root in her. I cant get her out of my mind. Everything seem to have a direct correlation towards her. I cant see someone having ice cream it reminds me of her and how much she used to love ice cream. I cant see a bench under a tree it takes me to the past where we used to spend so much of time on such a bench. eveything and i mean everything traces itself back to her. My mind just computes it so fast that before i even know it i am upset and depressed.

I just took a minute to read back on what i have written and its obvious i am someone with many issues. I feel i am mentally disturbed and need help. I can only imagine what another person would make of this.

I can only see one way out of this. I cant live this life no more. There's nothing left for me. Its just an endless life of hurt. From every possible angle. Dont get me wrong but minus all this i have a good life. Great bunch of friends and i have achieved success in many ways. As i write i am doing my masters. But is all this worth it. Each day is full of hurt and misery. I could be writing an exam with my her in my subconscious. I am so used to it that my heart and mind reaches out to it every single time. Its s if my mind and heart are my worst enemies. I could be having some fun or on the verge of enjoying myself and what happens. My mind and heart step into mess things. And at times my mind is fighting so hard against my heart to do the right thing. My mind always fails and succumbs to what my heart desires.

I could go on and on like this. I cant see myself going on in life in this manner. I need help and i know so well that no help will cure me and this pain.

Is there only one way out of this and am i the only one who could do anything about it. I sometimes wish a car would hit me and put me in that coma i keep dreaming about.

I better go now, i just wished god woouldnt test our stength in these ways. I know i am too weak to come out of such a painful test. I failed life. And it hurts even more i did so because of my love. My love for her is too powerful to fight against my mind and reality.

With this i shall leave you all.

Me! A painful heart.

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A female reader, Emaz help United Kingdom +, writes (19 October 2008):

Emaz help agony auntPersonally, I don't find that going out and having fun is a good way to forget someone because at the end of the day when you're doing nothing that person will always creep back into your head. Slowly though the person will dissapear into your memory but i would avoid talking to them or about them, seeing them or doing/listening/watching things that remind you of them

I know that while they're still there in your head your oblivios to anyone who who may like you or people who you potentially could like so having or finding another relationship may be hard to do although it is a good way of getting over someone

hope i've helped

=]

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2008):

you can tell whoever you like about your fellings and go from there it happens to me all the time so dont fell like your the only one

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A female reader, ponygal United States +, writes (18 September 2007):

I am still in the beginning throughs of the same thing and need help too.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2007):

I'm going through this ordeal right now as a matter of fact. I have been dealing with this person off and on for a year now. I always kept my true feelings for them bottled up because they did not like to have emotional conversations. However, during our most recent reconnection they disclosed to me that I was the one they really want to be with. Well, I took that idea and ran with it. Much to my dismay, they started distancing themselves as usual. Finally, I put it out all there in an email to them for which I have received no response from except a text message that stated they were taking it all in and that it was a lot to accept. Meanwhile, they are sleeping around with others. It hurts like hell, but it shows me that they really don't care. So, I had to make it up in my mind that they are not good enough for me, and I deserve better. On the flipside, I believe this person is my soulmate, but I learned that I don't have to be theirs in return. I'm using this time to focus on me...don't get me wrong though. It's a very difficult process as I am not ready to explore dating anyone else until my mind frees from this individual. Who knows how long that will take? My advice: just take it one minute at a time, and try to get closure from them one way or another. It would sure help me in my situation. They say no response is closure but I can't buy that from someone I've known a year especially when they admit they care for me so much and really "like" me. In my email I asked them to spell it out for me for once. It hasn't happened thus far, and it's all I really need. I don't believe that's asking for too much from an adult. I hope I didn't suck you further into the abyss with my issues...just keep trying to get closure. I think it's a basic human right.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2007):

That's a very hard thing to do. You'll find yourself in a quandry and wanting to be tere all the time. Just leave it well enough alone and save your love for the person who really deserves it. Get out and meet different people and learn new things. It'll give you a different perspective on life and love in general. Give other people a chance to see how wonderful a person you really are and the right person will come along and meet you halfway. They would be understanding and patient with you as well as loving and tender. Don't settle for second place from anyone. There's someone out there who'll make you their #1. It might be closer than you think.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2007):

Pray and ask God to help you. Make sure you are sincere when you talk to him. Focus more on yourself and the things you like to do and want to do. You may want to consider making your schedule so tight that you absolutely have no time to think about that someone who is not loving you back.

Hope this helps you.

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A male reader, quarky United Kingdom +, writes (29 July 2007):

quarky agony aunti can only offer stuff from experience as everyone will cope in different ways. seeing your friends more- maybe going out more and possibly concentrating on a hobby can help take your mind off her. there's no magic wand here- it can hurt like hell but you'll get over it in time- trust me!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2007):

It takes time for feelings of love to go away. Be patient and eventually these feelings will fade away.

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A female reader, cockneybabe United Kingdom +, writes (29 July 2007):

cockneybabe agony auntthis has happened to me many times and it still doesnt get better as you get older im afraid

the best advice to get over him is

a: store him as whatever name he is right now in your mobile, i stored my ex as W""ker and every time i looked at it i thought to myself why would i want to get in touch with him

b buy the book "its called a break up because its broken" bloody good book tells you to have no contact for 60 days it works and he ended up contacting me in the end im over him now and seeing someone who is far better

you will get there in the end xx

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A female reader, deutschangel United Kingdom +, writes (29 July 2007):

I personally find the best way to get over someone in this situation is to go out and enjoy yourself. Find different activities to do that you know the other person wouldn't have liked. give yourself time to find out who you are again!!

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A female reader, skye United Kingdom +, writes (29 July 2007):

skye agony auntIm so sorry that you are feeling this way. If it helps, most of us have been there at some stage including me. Try doing something that you enjoy first, like have a nice bubble bath, a walk in the park, or a girly chat with a friend. Anything that would feel like a nice treat for you just to make yourself feel a bit brighter.

Next learn that skill you have always wanted to master. Take driving lessons, a cookery course, learn a new language or practice ti'chi. Not only will you be getting out of the house and not brooding, but you will be filling your thoughts with the constructive rather than destructive. You will also meet new people. That can only be good.

Lastly, the most obvious, get out with your pals. Do not neglect those closest to you for they are often our greatest source of strength when we need help. Go into town, plan a cinema trip or even learn a new skill with a friend. There are lots of ways you can spend time with your mates.

Remember you are a wonderful person, with a lot to give. This love was not right for you but there is someone out there who will appreciate you and will consider themselves lucky to have found you. I promise what you are feeling will lessen given time.

Best wishes and I will be thinking of you,

Skye xx

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A male reader, DJ8433 United States +, writes (29 July 2007):

DJ8433 agony auntIs it from a break up or is it a crush? More information is needed.

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A male reader, Stanley Cup United States +, writes (29 July 2007):

It is never easy getting over someone whom you have had feelings for. What you need to do is get out in social settings and meet new people. Go out to places that have something to do with things that you are interested in. At these places you will meet other people that share the same interests as you.

Also, you will want to avoid places where you will see this other person. It takes time to get over a former love, but only one quick moment to be reminded of them and have them in your immediate thoughts.

So remember, go out, try to avoid places where that remind you of this other person, and meet new people. Pretty soon you'll meet someone else who feels as strongly about you as you do about them. That is the best advice that I can give you on how to get over someone.

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A male reader, kenny United Kingdom +, writes (29 July 2007):

kenny agony auntIt is always hard when you love love someone and they don't love you back.

You will get over this in time, the best thing you can do is go out and enjoy life to the full. Have fun with friends and over the natural course of time the feelings will eventually fade. You will soon meet someone who loves you back, probably when you least expect it.

Good luck x

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A female reader, angel-kate United Kingdom +, writes (29 July 2007):

angel-kate agony aunteveryone has to find their own way of dealing with this kind of stuff. what i do is concentrate on having a good time with my friends and family. my mate's way of dealing with it is goin on holiday fro a week or two and trys to find a holiday romance to take her mind of him.

liek i saaid, veryone has a different way of dealing with it.

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