A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Who should do the chasing in a relationship? Man or woman? If the man initially did a lot of chasing is it ok for the woman to chase too or would that put a guy off? I have just got back into dating after a 4 year break and I tend to think the old fashioned way but things seem to have changed these days, so just interested to know how it works. When I was younger it was assumed that the man would chase the woman, ask her out, continue the chase and always have to chase but it seems that quite lot of men these days liked to be chase also? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, PeanutButter  +, writes (18 April 2015):
 Life is too short to worry about chasing or not chasing - if you like someone enough, you chase them and get their attention, ask them out etc - the worst that can happen is that they say no!
I am a woman and I never knew HOT to persue people I liked and so never did. This one guy, who I recently re connected with a few years ago, told me that when we were in school together he really, really liked me a lot and didn't think I felt the same way so didn't persue it and he wished I had said something. I had NO idea he felt like that, either and I wished HE had persued it, so neither of us did anything about it and missed out.
Lesson learned.
I am married now, so I am not dating anymore, but if I were ever to be back on the dating scene again, I wouldn't hessitate to be the one to do the chasing. If the guys interested, he's interested and vice versa! Good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2015): You can be as assertive as you like, and be the pursuer. If he seems put-off by it, slow your roll.
It's okay to test the waters. If he's cautious or sending mixed signals, you'll clear the air if you simply make the first move. Somebody has to break the ice, and some guys are too slow to get to the point. You just don't want to rush-up on a guy, he just might be taken!
There used to be a double-standard. It was considered forward or unladylike for a woman to be the pursuer. BUNK!!!
You just have to practice and get accustomed to the role of being the pursuer. The approach you take is not a once-size fits all tactic. If you're not used to the role, you don't want to aggressively approach the wrong type of guy who doesn't know how to read your intentions.
You customize your approach according to the signals you receive from the subject of interest. If he's well over 60; he's going to be pretty old-school, and you may confuse the poor fellow. He'll just have to get used to women of the 21st century! "Chasing" might be a bit too desperate. If someone is running from you, they just may not be interested. You can pretty much figure-out the type of guy who doesn't like to be "chased" by women. He'll tell you if he prefers to be the "pursuer." It's fun taking turns!
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