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Gay? Bi? Strajght? Confused? I just don't know what I am...

Tagged as: Sex, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 July 2006) 5 Answers - (Newest, 31 July 2006)
A male United Kingdom, anonymous writes:

Hi I'm 15 and confused. When I masturbate I used to always think about men and boys. Now it's men and women. I like looking at men, as well as women but I want to have sex with females and get married to a woman and have children. Am I gay, bi or straight?

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A female reader, doublethink +, writes (31 July 2006):

doublethink agony auntIt's difficult for anyone else to tell you what you are - you're the one best qualified to work that out.

You seem to be making a distinction between what you fantasise about and what you actually want to DO, though - that sounds like a good way to start working things out. You say you think about both sexes when you masturbate, and you like looking at both, but you want to have sex with women. Does this mean you don't want to have sex with men, in the real world? Could be your answer.

Personally I think it's a good idea to wait and see who you're attracted to for real. If there are girls and boys you know and fancy probably you're bisexual. If it's girls in real life and both in your fantasies, maybe you're a straight guy with a good imagination!

Whatever, don't worry about it. Be who you are - whatever that turns out to be. No-one should be allowed to tell you who to fancy, and if you don't know who you're going to like from day to day, you'll have a life full of mystery and sexy surprises!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2006):

Personally, I think everyone is omni-sexual. As humans, we have a feminine and a masculine side. We are yin and yang. I am a woman who has had only straight relationships with men. However, I have very arousing and detailed fantasies about making love with women, or watching women. My best sexual fantasies, however, is imagining myself as a man having sex with another man. That is my sure-fire, quickets way to orgasm.

You probably are straight, and will have relationships with women and children. You may fantasize about men, but that doesn't mean you want to do it.

In real life, I would never want to have sex with a woman or watch two men have sex or be part of a threesome. That doesn't interest me, but the fantasy is different. You're 15...do some reading on the subject (real books, not just Internet chat sites), and take your time. Be easy on yourself. It's just sexual feelings at this point - you're not committing yourself to anything, you don't have to make any choices or statements.

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A female reader, DrPsych United Kingdom +, writes (31 July 2006):

DrPsych agony auntYou are 15 and most people are a little confused at 15! Your hormones are going mad. Does it matter if you are straight, gay or bisexual...they are just labels at the end of the day. Don't classify yourself as anything. Experience a little of life before you decide. I am not saying you have to sleep with men and women to find out but as you get older you will meet lots of people from lots of different backgrounds and that will make you more confident about your sexuality whatever that eventually happens to be!

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A female reader, anon2907 Australia +, writes (31 July 2006):

anon2907 agony auntI wouldn't worry about it too much. Enjoy the fantasies for what they are - i.e. in your imagination. It's actually probably quite healthy to fantisise these things as a way of working through them.

If you feel worried about your sexuality talk to someone you can trust or ring a helpline and talk to someone anonymously. It's not easy to come out at school if you find you really are gay or bi but that's not to say don't, just be aware that it could be tough.

What you want now in terms of marriage and kids isn't necessarily going to be what you want in years to come. And as you get older you'll get a better understanding of who you actually are attracted to, as opposed to who you fantasise about.

Good luck!

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A female reader, phillicia +, writes (30 July 2006):

look your a teen for heaven sake ever teen is like that they imagine things your not bi your just a boy who wants to discover so don't be to hard on your self loves

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