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FWB--should I bring up the subject of being exclusive? Or just chill and see what happens?

Tagged as: Friends with Benefits<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 April 2013) 2 Answers - (Newest, 2 April 2013)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Short version: I'm hooking up with this guy, who's friends with my friends, so we're at each other's houses most weekends. No talk of exclusivity, but we're not dating anyone else, and he's made a point out of acting quite couple-like in front of our friends.

Looong version: So, there's this guy. I first met him at a party at my friends' house a couple months back. I moved in with those friends recently. Met him again at another house party and this time we stayed up till the morning, just talking in the kitchen. The following weekend we were having a movie night and he came over too, and it was pretty clear we were into each other at that point. People started going to sleep, and it soon ended up being just the two of us again. We watched another movie, ended up cuddling and snogging. We spent the Saturday chilling in the living room, now openly being all cuddly. The next night we hooked up , which was followed by another cuddly day. We exchanged numbers, he asked when he'd get to see me next, but I just said we'd sort something out. The next Friday he came over again. He said he wanted to call, but I said I was busy, so he didn't want to disturb me, which was fair enough, and he invited me to a dinner/party thing at his place on Sunday. I went, it was nice, lots of PDA again, then it was slightly less nice, because I stupidly had too much to drink, but he was nice about it and took care of me. We spent half of the next day in bed, he even postponed a meetup with a friend to have a few more cuddles, get lunch with me and walk me home, which was nice.

It's only been a while, and there hasn't been any talk about exclusivity. But I'm beginning to like the guy and wouldn't mind not seeing other people, so it'd be nice to know if we're on the same page. The guy is a tad older than me by the way, I'm 20, he's 25.

Should I:

just chill out and see what happens for now?

be upfront and bring up the subject myself?

assume he probably just wants to hook up casually? and maybe keep a bit of distance, cut down on the pda?

Thanks!

View related questions: exchanged numbers, moved in

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (2 April 2013):

So_Very_Confused agony auntI'd ask him how he feels and where you stand. Be prepared for it to go either way although it does sound like he likes you more than just a hookup for sex.

IF you just chill and see what happens and he's not on the same page as you it will hurt later on down the road.

If you back off without telling him why and he wants more it may make him feel like you don't like him.

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A male reader, Cerberus_Raphael Sweden +, writes (2 April 2013):

Cerberus_Raphael agony auntYou are witness to his behavior and from what you have told us, it seems as though this is slightly more than a simple friends-with-benefits type of relationship. If it feels right to you, I see no reason why you cannot simply ask him. Casually.

I hope that helps.

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