A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi I was wondering If you could help me. I lived with two guys this year and was really attracted to one of them. We ended up sleeping together occasionally, but I knew I wanted more. Eventually when it came to moving out of our house, we were going to share again. I brought up that I didn't think it was a good idea and that I wanted us to date, either way, didn't think we should live together. My guy said that he didn't think he'd have time having just started a new job. I accepted this but made it clear that we had to just be friends from now on. After about a week, he became quiet one day and admitted that he felt he was making a huge mistake and that he was just keeping himself safe (having been single for years). We went on a date and it was lovely, really easy and we were a lot more intimate, hugging, kissing etc. Then it came to moving out, his house was ready first so we moved there until mine was ready too. Think it might have all been too much too fast because now we're both worried that things won't work out and we're not being as affectionate as before. I want to cry because I feel the move has upset everything by forcing us to move too quickly. I'm afraid that we're not compatible or that he'll change his mind. I don't want to feel insecure and doubtful so early on but I'm not sure how to go about 'going with the flow' Any advice??
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female
reader, cheers  +, writes (22 September 2011):
 Actually it's good that this incident revealed out his true colours and also his points of view/thinking regarding this coutship so far. Listen and give him time.Take things easily. If it's yours, He'll go back to you. all the best
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2011): Thanx for the feedback, i have been staying at parents as not too move too quickly which seems to have helped as I brought up how I was feeling and he seemed genuinely shocked, then said he felt like he'd pushed me away unintentionally. Hes been single for 6 years and me for 3 so think we both finding transition tough esp with upheaval of moving house etc. Justs feels we're at an age where its make or break, which sounds crazy. He described it as a push/pull situation - we want each other but at same time dont wanna risk losing it...obv there are a lot of factors that it would be too long to post everything, but think i will continue to take it slow, not push for anything right away etc...thanks aain for the advice, if any more to add, feel free!
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A
female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (16 September 2011):
 I don't understand why you are not being affectionate with each other because you are worried about it not working out. It sounds like a self-fulfilling prophesy, don't you think?
You start as flat-mates, then friends with benefits, have a couple of dates (or one?) and then move in together?
When is your house ready? Move out. If you still want to, keep dating, but slow down… You don’t need to wonder at what he is thinking to make this decision. You can decide on your own that it is the best.
Good luck.
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