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Friends with benefits, ex or boyfriend?

Tagged as: The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 October 2010) 2 Answers - (Newest, 8 October 2010)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

My ex and I were together for about 3 years..we broke up because he got a job offer overseas...whilst he was there, basically nothing changed, we still spoke everyday and shared everything. After a while as there was no indication that he wanted t get back, i started dating. He threw a fit, wanted me back etc. We got back together but it didnt last long, realized that we're better off as friends. He left his job and moved back, we still talk everyday and share everything, but everytime I ask him 'what are we' he is confused and asks why am i rushing him or to find another relationship.

I dont know what to do. P.s : we are still sleeping together.. :(

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A female reader, Lexie88 Australia +, writes (8 October 2010):

Lexie88 agony auntMistake no. 1 - you are not in a relationship with him but you act like you are

Mistake no.2 - you are sleeping with him without being in a relationship

Sadly, he's done with you. It's your fault for still sticking around, hanging out with him, 'sharing everything' and sleeping with him. He's giving you nothing in return and you've stopped dating other men. For what?

You need to end things with him...it's not going to go anywhere. Pick yourself up and start afresh. He's only going to drag you further along until he finds someone he wants to have a relationship with. He can easily do that because to him, you're not hisd GF, he owes you nothing.

You're way better than that :)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2010):

First STOP sleeping together. YOU need to stand back and TALK and decide what it is you BOTH want. And you won't do that sleeping together, and it just become some habit that is obviously taken for granted, by his actions and what he says " He is confused and ASKS why are you rushing him " Please, clear signs the guy is NOT in relationship mode, but is getting his SEXUAL appetite dealt with whilst he ponders on whether he wants a proper GROWN-UP relationship with you.

Tough I know when you're really keen on someone, but honestly sleeping together will just FOG the issue further and increase YOUR emaotional bond with him, when he has NO idea IF YOU are the ONE HE WANTS.

So STOP - take a break and suggest you both take time out to see if you want a relationship, and perhaps agree to meet up and TALK in say 6-8 weeks, as right now you a FWB's, and IF this is NOT what you want, you are going about this in the wrong way for him to HAVE decide what he wants, he has no need to, he has his cake and is eating it!!!

Good luck!

Jilly

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