A
male
age
36-40,
*b1001
writes:Help! Very confused!I really hope someone answers this question as i feel like banging my head against a birck wall.I met my girlfriend whilst in the first few months of an attempt at university. We got together very quickly and it was the first serious relationship for both of us.In the begining she told me all about her previous sexual experiences and although we had regular sex i felt like she didnt want to do things with me that she had done with other people - nothing extreme even just oral sex was a problem. This in turn made me very anxious and paranoid and created serious trust issues.I dropped out of university and she continued. I got a job and we started living together. However when it came to the student holidays she would disappear for as much time as possible and never ask me to visit.She didnt work and all she seems to do is go out with her mates. The same people who all i heard about before was with regards to sexual experiences. In four yours relationship i have never seen her at christmas , easter , my birthday,and just once on her birthday.She seems a lot happier when shes aay from me but still says she loves me and she expects me to be here when she gets back.And i will be i have nowhere else to go few friends and have become so paranoid at my girlfriends activities when shes away that it has all but destroyed the relationshipOn one of the times she was away i went out one night and kissed somebody else, i didnt know them and told her the next morning . Obviusly she was upset and we broke up. In this time i was on my own and miserable and met somebody in a similar situation . All i wanted was some attention and some sex where i felt like i didnt have to do everything. It finished well before she was due to come back.In this time she was supposed to be going on holiday but we spoke on the phone and sorted things out to a degree and agreed to make a proper effort when she got back. We were telling each other we loved one another and that there wouldnt be anyone else and there wasnt. Except the day she got back she turned on me was very angry all the time and told me she had met someone else and had sex with them and that he was special and they were going to stay in touch. She also then told me that she had already moved her stuff out and had found somewhere to live. I was guttedIt left me homeless as i couldnt afford the rent and after kipping on a few sofas ended up where i am now sharing a single room with her in a shared house. But what a suprise shes not here with me.Aparrently this bloke used her on holiday and for some unknown reason to me i felt sorry for her!!It hurt most because a lot of our problems were about sex and she found it easy enough to go and do it with someone else yet make no effort with me. When she is away she doesnt seem to miss me in that way even if it is for 3 months its almost like she doesnt get horny . Welll not for me anyway.The only pictures i have of her life at her mums is her past sex life , the fact that shes seems happy when shes there and a picture of some body groping her breasts (clothed) which was on her phone.When shes been away over this christmas and with her mates she is really funny with me starts shouting down the phone at me and almost trying to show of to her mates. She had been unhappy for a while with her home life and i used to support her through a lot of tough times she was severly depressed and had serious issues with her father. I stuck by her through all this and now she has her friends back its like she doesnt want me except when she comes back to university and even then its only until the next ooppurtunity to go home.Now all of a sudden she decides to tell me that shes applied to do a further course away from here. She didnt discuss it with didnt even consider me just told me! Now in may shes going to be here even less and ifear our relationship will be well and truly finished. This will destroy me as i have made myself ill enough trying to sort trhis relationship.Am i being unreasonable being so paranoid that she may be seeing other people?Is it unreasonable for her if she truly loves me to let me into her world at home or for her to spend time over the summer with me the person she is supposed to live with??Am i being used? I feel like im just going to get totally dropped in may?I know its a bit long but its very complicated. Hope someone is in a similar situation . Would be good to know that im not being in the wrong and that somebody understands where im coming from because she doesnt.Hope someone can help.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, melschatbox  +, writes (21 January 2007):
 YOU two are both not ready for a serious commitment with one another, that's for sure! History would show that yes, you will get dumped in May. She hasn't spent one single bday or christmas with yOU?? c'mon dude....she's not that into you, sorry. I know that's painful..but, you have to realize this. She knows she can always come home to you i.e. SUCKER on your forehead. Don't let her treat you this way...get out...find other love interests and end things with her!!! Best of Luck.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2007): You say u dont want the relationship to end...sorry to say it bro but it already has. There doesnt seem like there is anything left to save. This girl is a waste of time and seems like she's only using u wen it convinient for her and i cant see this going anywhere. My suggestion, end it officially and loose all contact with her.
Imagine bein in the same unhappy position in the future. 10yrs down the line do u still want to deal with this sh*t?!! Then after u've wasted all that time u end up finding she's been cheating anyway! She doesnt include u in any decisions and it seems like she doesnt care about ur feelings at all!
Time to leave this crap behind and start something fresh! Be brave be strong and go and find a girl that will treat u rite and make u happy i guarantee she's out there but u'll never find her if u stay in this 'so called relationship'
Start to rebuild your life from scratch. Rebuild old friendships, make new friends (eg take up a hobby,etc) take some time find yourself (look great and feel great) then when ur ready get back on the dating scene and find rite girl. Good Luck :) !!!
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