A
female
age
41-50,
*oraemoon
writes:please help me, about 3 months ago i found two socks under our bed with what looks a lot like semen stains i questioned him about it he said its not semen! and the other day i found another one screwed up in the wardrobe which again looks like dried semen again he said he hasnt been masturbating behind my back what do i do why do men do this if there happy with there sexlife?
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female
reader, loraemoon +, writes (9 July 2010):
loraemoon is verified as being by the original poster of the question excuse me i asked for adice not a lecture,
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (8 July 2010):
 It's impossible for you to compete.. you may be satisfied with the amout of sex your having, but your husband is not. It is impossible for you to be available every single second of the day when he may be feeling horny. It is also impossible for you to not get involved, not demand he pleasure you back and just lie there whilst he has a 10 second orgasm.
Your 30-35 and come from the UK. I am suprised that your sexual education has been so lacking that you are shocked by the fact that an adult man masturbates. I am also shocked that you talk about masturbation in terms of him "doing something behind your back." Masturbation is a normal human activity that many adults and children do. I'm surprised that you think that you have the right to tell an adult man what he's allowed to do with his own body.
The fact that he has to hide such things and it something that he can't talk about with you, shows that your sex life must be lacking one big thing.... The right for people to be able to communicate what they like and do not like. A proper sexual fullfilling marriage should be based on communication.
I am really shocked by your lack of knowledge... how did you manage to get to your 30's (in the UK)without a basic knowledge of human sexuality.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2010): All men masturbate.
Its normal.
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A
female
reader, loraemoon +, writes (6 July 2010):
loraemoon is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou,for understanding how i am feeling, i am glad that thats all hes doing rather than cheating, we do have an amazing sex life which is why i find this a little hard to bare
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2010): give yourself a few more years and you will understand this a whole lot more i think. i hope you make it easier on yourself than i did. Masturbation understood and practiced earlier would have made my life the last year and a half, a whole lot easier. I dont know how to put it any plainer. When one partners needs, and desires...or even stress levels are not the same as the other partner...release without going outside the relationship is the best answer. i hope you will step back and realize he is not being unfaithful...he is not being disrespectful...(a slob, yes) and as far as i can tell from your post, he is not neglecting you. my advice to you is to leave it alone...and in time, you may be seeking out a quiet place to be alone. :) mal
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (6 July 2010):
 Offended? You mean to say you have never masterbated?
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A
female
reader, loraemoon +, writes (6 July 2010):
loraemoon is verified as being by the original poster of the questionto be honest i feel a bit offended by it i dont know why
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A
male
reader, Dear Kevin  +, writes (6 July 2010):
hey he is masturbating, and if you want to have some fun tomorrow go to an adult shop and get him and your self some toys next time he needs to masturbate ask him if you can join him, he will love you for caring.
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A
female
reader, Elydiese +, writes (5 July 2010):
Because its normal
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2010): It's just masturbating, so what? I would say he lied to you because he probably guessed how you would react, and as you are making a big deal of it here then I think he probably guessed right. Just because he masturbates it doesn't mean he love you any less, etc, etc. It's just a way of release. My fiance masturbates, it doesn't bother me in the slightest. Also, he has a higher sex drive than I do so it can be useful in that sense.
Also, maybe your husband wants more sex, perhaps that's why he does it. Unless you want more sex as well, then this seems like the best compromise doesn't it? From your post you sound a bit immature; he ought to just stop lying really but I think he is probably worried about you making a fuss over nothing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2010): honey if he isnt ignoring you, just wash the sock and quit asking him. you know what it is, he knows what it is, but he's embarrassed because its obvious that you think its disgusting. its exactly what tisha said...release without any expectations. he doesnt want to talk about it, and if you continue to question him, he will just get sneakier. but you can be sure he wont stop...and it has nothing at all to do with his perception of his sex life, or any reflection on you at all. mal
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2010): It is normal for men to masturbate. It has nothing to do with you or his sexual satisfaction.
Why are you hunting the man down and humiliating him in his own house??? Get a grip lady, this is terrible for one human to do to another'.
If you love this man stop doing what you are doing to him. Men have been made to feel guilty about the natural and normal need to masturbate.
If you love him, read about male sexuality and accept his male nature and apologies for humiliating him. Women expect men to understand us, we need to understand them, even the parts we find hard to accept.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2010): Please understand that he in no way is unsatisfied with your sex life. Men tend to have a higher need for sexual relief then woman. He might be shy about admitting that he would be interested in you being more sexually involved because or he may believe you're not interested.
Next time you find a sock or are suspicious, ask him if he needs a hand flirtatiously (If you really want to, of course).
If of course, you don't feel like more sexually activity or he doesn't want your help, it's most likely that his embarrassed about it or he may just want to have a sexual release without anyone else involved.
It's perfectly natural for men and women to pleasure themselves even with a healthy sex life. Hope i helped!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2010): I used to masturbate into socks all the time. Was fairly convenient, and it felt pretty good as you could roll them up and it was kind of like screwing a sock puppet.
... ahem.
Sorry for the bluntness.
Yes, your man is masturbating.
I guess the shock here, is that he isn't being honest with you. Which means he's afraid to tell you to your face "yup, I beat off once and while."
Is it a problem? I don't know, do you get along well? is your sex life good? is he happy? are you happy?
Instead of being confrontational, just be open about things.
Other than that, masturbation isn't a problem. Only if one believes in a narrow interpretation of the scripture of the Bible could one construe that this is wrong.
He's your husband, your are going to be living together for the rest of your lives if you are happy.
Try to communicate, and write it out if possible.
At least he's being somewhat discreet. Cheers,
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (5 July 2010):
 They do it because every now and again they need some alone time and a simple physical release where they don't have to think about pleasing anybody, or letting anyone down.
Aren't you overthinking this just a bit? Is your sexlife okay? Are you happy? Does he seem to be happy?
I would let it go and stop worrying about it.
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A
female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (5 July 2010):
 BECAUSE MEN GET HORNY. EVEN WHEN YOU'RE NOT AT HOME. Lol, i mean that in a 'get the point across way' not in a yelling at you way :)
You should be happy that he's masturbating instead of cheating on you.
In fact, masturbation is healthy. There is nothing wrong with it, and I think that you're making a mountain out of a molehill. You should allow him to masturbate, its not a bad thing.
p.s. you should feel free to as well.
...it just might make your sex life with each other EVEN BETTER.
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