A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have this pattern in my relationships that's driving me crazy and really upsetting me. I will meet a guy either randomly, through an activity I'm involved in or in our group of aquaintences. So we'll start off flirting and it's fun and I like it. He'll take me on a few dates and I have a lot of fun talking, flirting, and hanging out. That's the best part! The problem is that once we're "officially together" (and no guy has ever asked me to be his girlfriend, it just becomes assumed at some point), he's not flirting so much anymore and we almost never go on dates and most of the time he just wants me at his house. Yeah, there's making out and foreplay and all that but after awhile that almost stops too. That sweet guy I flirted wtih and had long conversations with and who took me on dates now isn't doing that at all. The cuddling turns into him putting my hand in his crotch and biting my ear (instead of simply cuddling). The making out lasts for less than a minute before he starts unzipping his pants (no foreplay). Then, I try to ask for more dating/flirting again and they up the sex stuff and tell me that they can't afford to take me out so much or turn it around on me and make it like I'm being demanding and high maintenance. I try to break up with them because we are also spending so much time together that I need space and I want to go back to how it was in the beginning and they get really mad about that. I must be cheating, where am I going, I spend too much time to my friends, I must be bashing him behind his back ... I finally break up with the guy to just be friends or to just let us go our separate ways and he can find someone else and then I'm the bad guy for stringing him along. What's true is Iam just miserable when at first I was happy. I kind of feel strung along too since he was so different in the beginning! This has happened more than once to me. Many times. What do I do to keep the flirting/dating/fun part lasting longer and to not have him be so sexual all the time. I miss the beginning part!
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female
reader, MSA +, writes (18 August 2014):
 I suggest not making things so easy for the guy. If he wants you to be his GF, he must ask. If you don't want to move too fast, you must learn to say no. "No, I don't want to go straight to your house, I want to go to dinner and the movies first." "No, I don't want to go to your house, I want to go to the beach." Tell him what you want. You don't have to do everything he says. Also you must maintain balance. Even though you've started dating a new guy, don't miss out on hanging out with your friends. Balance it out so that from the beginning you both establish an understanding that there are times you two spend together, and there are times you two will spend apart. Communication is also very important.. you have to let him know what you want, or don't want. What will make you happy, what will not. If you keep the communication open, it will be easier and I think you will be much happier in your next relationship.Good Luck!
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