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Flatmate ruining my relationship! Confront them or not?

Tagged as: Dating, Friends<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 May 2009) 1 Answers - (Newest, 1 June 2009)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend stays with another couple in a flat. He has known them for 2 years and has lived with them for that amount.

They are very horrible people - confrontational, irrational, nasty, spitefull, messy, most of all jeleous... the list goes on.

It all started because i was making more money than the girl and she oviously didn't like it and started ignoring me and being spitefull. Saying i won't be able to buy anything from her business then. (we run the same sort of business so it obviously didn't matter anyway and i didn't want anything from her).

So now she randomly turned to my boyfriend and said that she didn't like me staying over so doesn't want me in the house.

She came up with a whole of random crap of why i can't be there. For some reason she says i owe her rent basicly.

I was going to write an e-mail to her stating the facts of the matter.

Here is my arguement:

BOYFRIENDS NAME told me what you have said and I obviously very much disagree, but I would like to hear your side of the story. Give me your argument and I will give you mine.

MY BOYFRIENDS NAME pays for his rent – This includes the room he and I sleep in and the use of any communial areas.

We alternate payment of food that we eat.

He paid for the electricty – Therefore if he wants a light on or the heating on, he can have the light or the heating on. I don't ask anything of him as I don't pay the bills, he does. I only benefit.

I am his girlfriend, not a guest, therefore we are a package deal. The only reasons he is staying here is so that he can be with me. Otherwise he would be saving a lot of money at home. Travelling to university three times a week costs him 4x less than any rent, electric and food bill that it costs to stay here. And that fare is paid for by Sas.

I have been in his room twice when he wasn't there, which was because I was staying over that night and he was working the entire week therefore I wanted to see him before he went to work. Otherwise I would need to come to see him, go home and come back where there is no point.

During which, I used the battery off of my laptop, my book, my Ds and BOYFRIEND's bed. Nothing to do with any bills you pay.

On that note, MY BOYFRIENDS NAME works all week, while both you and Anthony stay at home using the Tv, laptop, consoles and leaving lights on. What electricty does he use during this time that he has paid for?

I don't use the lounge or the kitchen.

We go for showers and use the bathroom at the same time, to which we clean it out after use. Anything left over, was usually there to start with.

We clean the objects we use in the kitchen directly after use and put them by and don't leave them lying around for days.

You complain that you don't see us? That is not for you to demand and it is not on any rent agreement that the tenents need to be friends, only that they are civil. With the way that you have acted toward us before moving into the flat and several months after, is it really a wonder why we don't want to share the room with you?

As far as being your friend. You have had second chance after second chance with me to be my friend and I have not been pleased at all with how you have treated matthew. I even spoke to you the other day, to be friendly, to which you gave me a nasty look. If anyone isn't trying to be anyones friend, its you.

So let me know your side of the argument when you are ready and we can take it from there.

END.

I spoke to my boyfriends mum about it and she said i should just tell it to her face instead and set them all down and see, right, whats your problem? She says i have a right to be there because i am his girlfriend, i have a right to be there and i have been staying the same routine wit them for the past 2 years. why should it change now?

But my parents told me well, there are two of them and one of my boyfriend. Even if he does put across a point. Its still two of them versus one. so if they say no, then i can't see him.

I don't want this B-T-H telling my boyfriend who he can have in his room. I don't want to ly down to it.

What do i do? Do i confront her?

I can't afford to move in with him myself and my parents won't let me as well. so that isn't an option right now.

He doesn't want to move in with anyone else and he can't afford a flat himself.

His parents live to far away for him to move home.

View related questions: money, university

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A female reader, uberpinkii United Kingdom +, writes (1 June 2009):

uberpinkii agony auntconfont the little cow lol

honestly if my boyfriend lived in a shared flat and we got this kind of agro id kick off lol

but at the same time you cannot jeopardise the place in this flat

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