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Flakey girls and the men who fall for them!

Tagged as: Dating, Health<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 December 2013) 11 Answers - (Newest, 24 December 2013)
A male United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Just got back from going out, and my situation off that bat is I'm 27/m, never had a g/f, date, kissed, held hands, had sex, etc... And I don't want to be left out. So I'm approached by a girl who seemed at the time to be into me, got her something to drink. Maybe half hour went by and I get this person behind me yell "HEY YOU?!!" I ignored him. I hear it again after a tap on my shoulder. Then next thing I know I'm pulled off my seat and he just sits down, but the kicker is the girl then introduced him to as her "b/f" then I just told her "wow, guess I mistook you for a genuine nice girl" so I decided to just leave, rather than call up a security officer. So here's my questions.. Why do girls enjoy getting off to the idea "hey I'm not single, I'll go to the bar, hit on sum loser, then have my b/f give him shit so him and I just go home and have intense makeup sex." And why do girls date doychebags, or just flat out preppy pieces of shit? I didn't expect this type of thing to happen when I decide to start forcing myself to go out hoping to make up for 12+ years of experience that I haven't had a chance at yet.

Please please please i dont need jerks like the guy who I had to deal with to reply back. I just want girls to reply only, I'll just ignore the male comments as null.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2013):

@Female Anon

Regards your remark about her been 'Low Class' Is not the correct way to describe ANYONE.

We come into this world with nothing and we will go out with nothing.

How can people refer to THEMSELVES as been of a better class. I remember meeting a tramp (true story)in London Victoria as I returned from a long trip overseas, and as he spoke to me he pointed his scruby finger to all the seated people with serious suits and said 'it's this lot you need to watch' I laughed so much, because it was true..all the 'Class' who turned their nose's up at this GENTLEMAN who never asked for a single penny..he just wanted to say hello.

He was the Friendliest and gentle hearted person I had spoke to for weeks...THAT'S CLASS!!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2013):

2 advices here from men that I dont agree with: don't give your phonenumber, but instead TAKE her number. If you want to be sure that a girl is not playing you to get free drinks from you, yes, spend some time on talking but don't get drinks for yourself in a mean time without offering her a drink. That's just plain no manners.

A girl that you encountered is very rude and low class. not all girls are like that. and, no, we don't like jerks, we like normal guys.

Don't look for a girl in bars, its a drinking place where all kinds of things are going on

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2013):

I am female so can reply,I would first like to say that by ruling out any reply's from the men on here you loose valuable life experience's of those who may have walked in your shoes before you. You only want to hear what YOU want to hear, this is a fast track to learning nothing other than the good bits, life has both good and bad experiences and to learn anything of any value we have to experience both.

You should not assume or expect then no dissapointment can follow.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2013):

It's fine with me if you ignore the advice; but smart people don't reject help, if it can make life easier.

Women don't know how to think like a man. If you have noticed, they are biologically different. A man who doesn't know how to get a woman, needs to learn how from another man.

Bars aren't a great place to look for ladies, if you want something real. It's good for fast pickups. If you have savvy and experience. A guy who has never been with a woman, out trolling bars; is equivalent to a baby lost in the woods. As you discovered, there are beasts and bitches in those woods. Your experience could happen to any guy.

The encounter you had with that young lady and her bf is typical of the type who is trying to start a bar brawl. She is suckering guys in for the attention. It boosts her ego to she her big strong stupid neanderthal boyfriend intimidate guys hitting on his trouble-making girlfriend. Together their IQ might total a double-digit figure.

Don't go away bitter and letting this incident taint your attitude. Just use every opportunity to talk to a woman to get comfortable and develop charm. If you think buying a girl a drink is going to entitle you to anything, you need more than a woman's point of view. You need all the help you can get.

Even douches have the game to get a girl. They use brute charm and their looks. Their confidence takes over a room.

Women are instinctively drawn to a mate who will make healthy strong, good-looking children. They sometimes perceive aggressive behavior as power and strength. They learn later on there's a big A-hole behind it all. They feel the same you feel once they realize what they've got. It's guys like you describe, that give men a bad wrap with women.

Women who don't have good male role models, bad taste in men, have jerks for fathers, or ghost-dads; don't know much for what a good guy is. They think nice guys are boring. Some ladies fear the nice guy; because he expects her to appreciate him for it. They think they should be showered with love just, because they're female. Some think they have a magic vagina, and it will turn a monster in to a perfect and loving man.

That may be true; if she has a pea-brain and all she thinks she worth is a drunken party-animal. Or some guy who keeps her crying, constantly pissed-off, he's always broke; and makes her jealous more than he makes her smile, or orgasm.

Girls go for the worse guys who don't know what they're own worth; or don't feel like going out of their way to make something of "themselves." They figure they'll find a guy who will make up for all their shortcomings.

That's presuming he'll take her as she is.

He will... and he will treat her accordingly. Remember slackers come in both sexes. Losers for losers.

Keep a positive attitude. Offer a smile and hello to any young lady who seems to be receptive and will reciprocate.

You've got to find yourself a wing-man, to teach you the ropes. If you don't have friends, find a single male relative in your same age-group. Hangout together and watch his moves. Don't imitate them, just study the interaction and develop your own style.

keep approaching women with confidence, with only the intention to have a brief and light chat. If she becomes at ease, and the conversation continues to flow. Let it happen for as long as possible. Then offer her your number.

Develop a connection slowly; because you don't have a lot of skills in personal interaction. Don't tell her you have never had a date, or anything that will get pity or a frown. Just relax. You will not make up for lost time.

See it as a golden opportunity to develop something that could be good. Learn as you go. Most of it is instinct.

I don't care if you don't read this. There are others with your same problem who will value any advice that will improve the quality of life. Take it or leave it.

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A female reader, Lieutenant United Kingdom +, writes (22 December 2013):

I'm a female and I neither like douchebags nor "preppy pieces of shit" (whatever that is).

I'm pretty sure a lot of women are not out here looking for douchebags and "preppy pieces of shit". My guess is that you just had some badluck or it's the type of places you go where you keep meeting the same types of women. What someone said below is quite true, I don't go to bars and neither do most of my friends.

If you're looking for a different type of woman who is not into douchebags, try changing the location where you're looking for women.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2013):

Don't buy girls drinks. Not unless they have already spent like 45 minutes talking to just you alone and signs of attraction (not just interesting conversation) are there.

If she asks you to buy her a drink before then, be nice but say you aren't that easy.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2013):

This happened to my (then) boyfriend when he was out with a male friend. A young woman came over and sat with them in a fairly crowded bar and seemed very friendly and chatty. Both my boyfriend and his friend are really nice guys and honestly just friendly to everyone, weren't looking to hook up at all - my boyfriend and I were completely in love at the time.

What upset my boyfriend was that after about half an hour it became clear that the woman's boyfriend was hovering in the bar as well and that, as she later freely admitted, she had come over to speak to them purely to make him jealous. He was really shocked that any woman would deliberately do this.

It's a strange situation that we have, where women still don't feel at ease to go into a bar alone because they are so deeply ingrained as 'men's' places - if a woman goes to a bar alone she is seen as easy or available and sometimes this really upsets me. There's several times I've been stuck at home and would like to just go out and not particularly meet anyone but just be out socially and 'watch the scene' - as an attractive woman this it TOTALLY impossible for me to do, I'd be harassed within minutes.

On the other hand, you then get some women behaving in extremely strategical ways towards the men that they find in bars. I honestly think that the two are connected - that because bars were not made equally for men and women from the start women now fall into manipulative behaviours, or the kind of women who go to bars are more prone to do this. Really, if you want a 'nice girl' it's unlikely that she will be alone in a bar, unless she's got much more bravery than I have to face the harassment she'd get.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2013):

I'm torn on this one.

When I go out with my friends, if a guy approaches me and he seems ok, I won't turn him down. If he wants to have a dance and buy me a drink then fine, but I'm not going to kiss him in the middle of the bar nor go home with him after. So you bought her a drink... she owes you nothing.

However, to be out with her boyfriend and for her to approach YOU... that is really bad behaviour. She sounds like a idiot, and surely better for that to be made obvious in first few minutes of you meeting than after you'd invested more than just a drink.

I agree with the others, don't just try to meet girls in bars, get a hobby or take classes and you're more likely to be able to tell how genuine people are from on the onset.

Some girls are horrible and date horrible guys. Don't worry about them, and don't take what happened too personally, she was just an immature little girl playing games. Chalk this one up to experience.

Best of luck, you'll meet a great girl in no time x

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia +, writes (22 December 2013):

Aunty BimBim agony auntwhy on earth would you chose to ignore any advise from men on this forum, I would have thought their take on the issue from a male perspective would be valuable.

There are women who think its funny, or a game, to chat guys up, get free drinks, get phone numbers and then throw them away as soon as they walk out the door, it happens.

And as Honeypie says, girls rarely go to bars alone, so ask the questions, "who are you with, where are your friends, do you come here often"?

And look elsewhere to meet girls, sign up for a night class, the girl for you might not be in the class but her cousin, or brother, or best friend might be.

So don't let this incident put you off, and don't limit your options for meeting people, sometimes you meet people who will become important in your life in the darndest places.

Good luck!

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A male reader, Serpico United States +, writes (22 December 2013):

For one, stop buying women drinks until they seem interested. The very act of buying a woman a drink early almost instantly labels you as a "nice guy." Yeah yeah, I know. Every woman wants a nice guy, all the way up to the moment when they leave the bar with the biggest a-hole in the room.

When I was Mr Niceguy, I bought a lot of drinks, and went home alone. When I became Mr Arrogant, I bought almost no drinks, and went home with almost whoever I wanted. Just the way it is.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (22 December 2013):

Honeypie agony auntIf I were you, I wouldn't ignore the "uncles" on DC, they are pretty darn smart:)

But back to your question.

The BF was a douche, but honestly, so was SHE. She was OK with a stranger hitting on her and plying her with drinks (hey free drinks!) and when her BF saw you two being cozy he did his "piss on his territory" and "protected" his GF from your "advances".

Sounds like a Douchy Duo.

If your GF was being chatted up at a bar, would you not approach the guy and "stake your claim" as the BF? Just curious.

I worked as a bartender and saw that scenario PLENTY of times. Once the girl even got the "new" guy to buy her a whole bottle and then she walked off with it over to her BF and his cronies while laughing at her "game".

Other times they would get a few drinks with a guy, tell him she needed the restroom and would just walk away to either another dude or her BF. There are definitely girls out there who thinks that because they are pretty EVERYONE should buy them drinks.

Some people are just not nice.

Maybe in the future, before you buy a girl a drink, ASK her if she is there alone, if she has a BF. That way you might weed out the Douchy Duo types.

She played you. It happens.

Don't let one Douchy girl stop you from trying, but maybe you also need to consider meeting girls in other places then a bar. GIRLS rarely go to bars by themselves.

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