| A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Dear aunts and uncles,Yesterday me and my fiance tried to have full intercourse for the first time. We've been together for almost 2 years, we've been sexually active for most of our realtionship. We've done alot of sexual activities and we have great sexual chemistry, its always fun and gentle and loving. However we havent had penetrative sex yet (i'm still a virgin in that sense) due to me not being ready and wanting to wait. He has always been understanding.Last night however i felt ready and we decided to try it. I've never had anything inserted in my vagina. He never even fingered me before last night. I'm sorry if i'm being too graphic. We had a lot of forplay then he tried fingering me . It felt a litttle wierd/uncomfortable when he inserted one finger, maybe mildly painful. But it was ok, he kept playing with me until i orgasmed and i enjoyed it.We then tried to full penetration but everytime he tries entering me it felt too painful that i beg him to stop and he does. He couldnt even get past my hymn. Inthink he couldnt fit it in. He says i get too tsnse and my muscles tense up. I got very frustrated. The idea of him being inside me always drove me crazy. I love my fiancé and trust him to no ends. Our sex life hAs always been great up till yesterday, so i dont understand why is this happening. I always pictured it to be so sexy and go smoothly. I'm a little scared that something might be wrong. Did anyone have a simluar expierence losing thier virginity? Any suggestions how to go about it?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2015): It is normal. It took several attempts before my husband was able to penetrate conpletely. Just keep trying it will fall into place. Try to relax and take it slow you have waited this long so don't be in a rush.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (5 August 2015):
 I expect at this point you are so worried about this that you tense up without even realizing it.
The simple and smart thing to do is to pop into your gynecologist, have her (or him) do a simple exam and discuss your situation with her. She'll be able to tell you about your anatomy and if your hymen is too thick as YouWish mentioned could be the problem.
You're in your late 20s now, so if you haven't yet seen a gynecologist, well, nows the time! :)
I also agree with using lubrication! This shouldn't be such a source of stress for you, so it's time to go see your doctor!
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (4 August 2015):
 Have you used lubricant like KY? He is also right that you tense up. The hymen breaking is painful in most women, but there is the option that if you have an unusually thick hymen (it's very rare, but it happens on occasion), you can see a doctor to have it surgically broken, which is a lot less painful (the difference being a blunt object tearing skin like a penis versus a surgical tool under local anesthetic).
You are no longer a virgin, as you don't need the hymen to break to lose virginity. If he penetrated in even the smallest aspect, that makes you no longer a virgin. Now all you need to do is conquer your fear.
What do you mean "The idea of him inside drives me crazy"? Is that in a good or bad way? The fact that it's been two years makes me think that it's not a good crazy.
Go see your doctor to rule out any medical issues, and if it's the pain you fear, then maybe do the surgical procedure so that sex itself won't be painful. Then lots of lubrication. If you're all worried and tense, you're not lubricating properly. KY to the hilt, and it should slide in with ease.
Don't focus on the pain. Think beyond it, that after you do the first time part, you'll be doing it like a pro and getting lots of pleasure out of sex.
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