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First time same-sex attraction, and we're not sure what to do about our feelings

Tagged as: Gay relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 August 2010) 8 Answers - (Newest, 24 August 2010)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I'm curious about developing a romantic relationship with another woman I know. How do we proceed? Neither of us have experienced this attraction for another female and don't know what to do with our feelings. We've known each other for awhile, and know a lot about each other and have grown close since we met and have openly discussed these new feelings with each other and have both had them for about a month or so. But have no idea what to do now that we've established that we have the same feelings. Help!! I would like to get everything in answers:)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2010):

I suggest, if your comfy to go to a gay club and go to the corner and try some dirty dancing. Or go rent a few lesbian movies and watch them toghether, and take it from there. Have fun!

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A male reader, rcn United States +, writes (19 August 2010):

rcn agony auntLooking at this from a different direct. People are so quick to assume that finding attraction means jumping into bed,or being an attraction that symbolizes a sexual experience. This is really where confusion arises. You may not be attracted to women, but simple attraction or attraction to beauty can imitate what some may look at as a sexual attraction.

It is for this reason the female form is shown as the centerpiece of art for centuries. Even so, the artists were not seeking to display sexuality in many pieces as much as they were sensuality. You need to sort out where these emotions come from. Remember, because of the sensual nature females possess, there really isn't one female who has not at one time or another found attraction with another of the same sex, at one time of their life.

I hope this helps, take care.

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A male reader, groovymoving Estonia +, writes (16 August 2010):

Oregongrl1, no one has mentioned love yet. It's still on the level of mutual attraction and needs time to develop into love, assuming it will happen.

As for what to do, anonymous writer, well, I'd suggest walking up to her when the time is right and stating that you want to have a relationship with that person. Then you can start doing the usual (or unusual, if you prefer) relationship stuff by taking what is between you from level to level, taking your time.

All the best!

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A female reader, Oregongrl1 United States +, writes (15 August 2010):

What i mean't was the next step would be sexural intercourse! you said that you both have realized your feelings for one another? i don't understand why you don't know what to do when it should be natural! and the only reason i think you are asking our advice! is because you both are scared and it is new 2 u? when you love someone it just all falls into place. and also you don't love someone at your expense? you love and give from the heart!!

Best Wishes!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

thank you all for the encouragement....but what is it that we can start to experiment with..thats where we are confused...and we have expressed that we have the same feelings...but she is trying to figure out if its rly her...so we're trying to take it slow nto knowing how...im giving her time to figure things out and will do what it takes because I've never cared about anyone this way and wanna giver what she wants even if it's at my expense.

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A female reader, LLindy87 United States +, writes (14 August 2010):

LLindy87 agony auntthe only thing that is standing in your way is your genders and with that you probably think things would proceed differently than in a male/female relationship. I don't see any difference, if you two talked about your feelings and all that, try making it official and treat this relationship just as you would have before dating a guy.

granted, I have never dated a woman but I really don't see the difference, you both care about eachother and want to commit to each other and I think all you need to do is take one more step :)

good luck and I hope this works out for you!

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A female reader, Oregongrl1 United States +, writes (14 August 2010):

well you said you both have now exstablished feelings for each other and you know now and have talked about it! well take it to the next level that is the only way you are really going to know? but i would always make sure that it is understood that it is still a friendship! until you both know that you truly have strong feelings for one another and day by day thats really what is all about take it slow and see where it goes or ends up?

Good Luck!

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A female reader, SweetScorpio83 Canada +, writes (14 August 2010):

Just relax, and do what you are doing. It sounds like you already have a relationship with this person. The whole intimacy is just like if you were with a guy. Don't think too much about it as it will ruin it all. If something feels right just do it and don't look back. If something feels wrong then question it, but realize whether if feels wrong because you feel wrong about it or that it feels wrong because someone else you know would feel wrong about it.

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