A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have had a boyfriend for a bit over a year. We were not official for a while but always exclusive. We became best friends, even through our ups and downs and were alywas there for eachother. We had a really bad phase a few months ago, but recently things were amazing. To make a long story short I found photos of him making out with another girl, and her bum in a bikini. When asked he lied and said it was old pics from before he knew me. My intuition told me that wasnt the truth so I asked again, and I pointed out that the car in the background is his car that he only got 6 months ago. He finally sees he is cornered and admits it was 6 months ago...which was another lie. I find out the pic is from about 2 months ago when we were in that really bad phase. I feel so mad that he lied, and the fact that i would never know unless I came across those pics and demanded the truth. He said he didn't know what to do because I was acting really terrible during that time and I hurt him really bad. He said all they did was kiss and it lasted a week, and he quickly cut it off because he realized how bad it was. I don't even know if I can beleive that because of the fact that he lied and lied to begin with. I also found a picture of a girl in a bikini, which he said he put on his phone as revenge. He claims to not even like the girl. This is just such a shock, he never seemed like the cheating type. He moved in with me about a month ago, I have been helping him out until he gets his own place. I dont want him anywhere near me, because he cheated and it hurts. It is torture to even see him, but hes making me feel guilty by saying he has no place to go and is going to end up living in his car. I have no idea what to do, i helped and helped him but he had the nerve to treat me that way. Do i kick him out and just let him figure it all out for himself? He is begging and apologizing but I wonder if that is more about him need a place to stay than actually feeling guilty for what he did. I told myself I would never stay with a cheater and I feel like I have to stick with my guns...pls give me advice.
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female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (28 August 2011):
 He is only using you to have a roof over his head. Think about it, would you rather beg for forgiveness or live in a car? Why is he staying with you anyhow? Doesn't he have a job to pay for his own apartment? How about friends or family that he can stay with? Just know this: you don't know him anything. You're not his personal Jesus. He cheated on you and betrayed your trust. You have your convictions; you don't want to stay with a cheater and you should stick to your principles. Don't reward his poor behavior by letting him stay at your place, especially if it's making you even more miserable. Above all DO NOT FEEL GUILTY. You did NOTHING wrong. You didn't cheat, you didn't lie, and you're not the loser who needs to beg in order to have a place to sleep. Kick him to the curb, so you can move on with your life. Having him around is just going to prolong your misery.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2011): Well, maybe he is telling the truth NOW...but what I would do at this point is ask for access to his phone and all his passwords. I would tell him that I need to do this temporarily because I simply do not trust him right now and don't want to feel like I'm being used. If he loves me and wants to be with me - then he needs to agree to do this NOW - hand over the information not later, but NOW. If he is hesitant and unwilling, I would think he is still trying to hide something and kick him out.
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