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First love or soul mate? Which one is more devastating to lose?

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Question - (28 June 2011) 7 Answers - (Newest, 28 June 2011)
A female United Kingdom age 18-21, anonymous writes:

Is losing your first love comparable to the feelings experienced when losing a 'soul mate'?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2011):

it's because i lost my first love and i think he was my soul mate, we didn't break up because we wanted to but were torn apart by circumstances. Is it deluded to just know that we will get back together down the line?

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A male reader, DeadEyeDick United States +, writes (28 June 2011):

DeadEyeDick agony auntSoul mates are fairy tale bullshit chicks make up, I got told by my first love all about soul mates, hell I never even heard of them before her, and I was hers, you know what her answer was when she was dumping me about us being soul mates, her answer was "that's what I thought we were" no soul mates are fictitious, first loves are factual, and losing mine destroyed me, she was also with me for 10 years, and after that long your mind doesn't really ever stop and think what if, plus id never loved anyone else, so it was beyond bad, im surprised i made it, but I did, and now Ive lived so much more then if id been tied down to her, but initially I wasn't sure id ever even survive that kind of horror and pain, it was the worst agony concievable, much harder then the soul mate!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2011):

In my opinion, a soul mate isn't mr. perfect, but they're perfect for you. I think its that one person you can't forget, can't get over, can't stop thinking about, someone you can't live without. I'm sure they both hurt, but your soulmate will be the one who stands next to you at the end of the wedding aisle. These things have a way of working themselves out.

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico + , writes (28 June 2011):

Danielepew agony auntI believe losing a soul mate hurts a lot more.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2011):

losing the soul mate is worse, by far. just my opinion

first love may or may not be meaningful. it's just whoever happened to be there and it could have been a mistake

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A male reader, Odds United States +, writes (28 June 2011):

Odds agony auntLosing your first love hurts, it's true. But so does losing your second. I'm sure there's some point where it stops hurting, or where you're numb to it, but I'm not there and don't ever intend to be. I think the hurt is a sign that what you had together before that was good.

I don't believe in soul mates, though. Every person could have a wonderful, happy relationship with any one of millions of other people, if they're willing to work at it. I think the "soul mate" myth is seriously damaging to the real relationships we can have.

If I may ask, are you asking this question because of any particular event in your own life?

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A female reader, RedAthena United States +, writes (28 June 2011):

RedAthena agony auntI believe I have lost both. I also believe we have more than one "soul mate".

Losing a soulmate was far more painful than my first love.

First loves are like training wheels on a bike. YOu have to start somewhere and first loves rarely if ever last.

Soulmates linger in your heart forever, even if the relationship was not right.

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