A
female
age
36-40,
*carlet00
writes:Dear Cupid,My partner and I have been together for 6 years and recently, we are engaged and going to get married soon. However, things been up and down and I've been feeling really confused and depressed and started to doubt. I'm afraid, worried and insecure in my relationship. To make it clear, my fiance and soon to-be-husband is a great guy but one thing which always disturbs me is that he always blame me for everything. He compares me with other girls and says I'm dumb etc. I feel totally disrespect. This has been going on every now and then and it's not the first time but I've been very patient with him. For instance, just recently, we went for a day trip at the countryside with some friends. One of the activities were shooting photos and biking (bicycle). However, it's been ages since I last on a bicycle and I had some difficulty riding it. I was pretty angry as he not only voice his concern but he said I was dumb. He didn't even wait for me as I was a bit slow but what upset me was that his friend was the one who being patient with me and ensure that I was ok and comfortable on the bicycle. I'm really disappointed.He just always blame me for everything and doesn't respect my feelings. Sometimes, when I'm with him, I just feel tensed and stressed. He also flirts with other girls which I dislike. I know it's harmless but I feel that as his fiance / soon-to-be wife, I feel that I'm being invisible.When his mood is good, he will treat me well but if his mood is bad, it will be other wise. I love him to bits but I just don't know what to do. We're getting marry soon and I just do not want any negativity to cloud my thoughts and decision. Please tell me what I should do. Thank you!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (10 May 2012):
 If you are confused and depressed I think you should postpone the wedding at the bare minimum. Personally I think you are being abused by this man and you should end the relationship totally.
Let’s say your little sister or your best girl friend came to you and said:
Things have been up and down
I’m feeling confused and depressed
I’m starting to doubt
He always blames me for everything
He says I’m dumb
He compares me to other girls
I feel disrespect
It’s not the first time
He didn’t wait for me (his friend was the patient one)
I’m disappointed
He doesn’t respect my feelings
I feel tensed and stressed
He flirts with other girls (which I dislike)
I feel that I’m being invisible
WHAT would you tell her to do?
You say PLEASE tell me what I should do… you should NOT marry him. He is not making you happy and you have every right to be upset with his abusive behavior… and just because he does not hit you with his fists does not mean you are not being abused.
A
female
reader, _crystalxo  +, writes (10 May 2012):
Please do not marry this man. PLEASE!
there is so much wrong with what you said in the last paragraph.
"When his mood is good, he will treat me well but if his mood is bad, it will be other wise."
You should NEVER adapt in a way where your feelings are being hurt. Somebody's mood should not dictate how he treats you, he is a boy who does not know how to handle his emotions.
Flirting with a female in front of you is unacceptable. You are not invisible and if he makes you feel that way, he is NOT doing his job as a good man.
Break up with him because if this man is who you want to be with...you will be a emotion punching bag for the rest of your UNHAPPY marriage.
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A
female
reader, cheers  +, writes (10 May 2012):
 You've to voice out.Try to reason him out that you're not happy with his remark"dumb" and flirt. Ask If he's on your shoes,would he be happy if being treated that way by your partner? can he still smile? Pls respect that. Marriage is more understanding each other,not stress the other partner.
let him commit to change for better. Talk it nicely as things can be solved. all the best
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2012): He treats you badly. He flirts with other girls in front of you. He isnt patient. He insults you and calls you names.
You want to marry this guy?
Imagine your life ten years from now. You've got two kids, youre stressed and tired, and he calls you dumb and ignores you and if off flirting with women and probably having an affair.
Do. Not. Marry. Him.
Break up.
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A
male
reader, bruce lee  +, writes (10 May 2012):
 This guy obviously thinks it's okay to insult you. And you are too scared to stand up to him. That's the truth. You have to accept it for what it is and find someone else. He will ruin your life. You will have two or three kids and he will still call you dumb. The only difference is he will do it in front of your kids. My mother married my father and she was in a very similar situation to yours. And now, more than thirty-fives years later, deep down inside she regrets it. She wishes she had listened to others who warned her about him. They said he was selfish and abusive. And he is. Don't ruin your life. Walk away. I'm begging you. Just leave him. Not only will he call you dumb, he'll call you kids dumb as well.
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