A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi there, is this a post-trauma disease? I have been through a full stress project and inadvertently fell in some kind of love with my boss. Everybody likes him, but I suspect he's just a disgusting married middle-age seducer. To keep up and running, I avoid/ ignore him as much as I can. I eventually made up my mind and will be leaving the company soon.The problem is that I am getting desperate as the deadline gets closer. This is also a pain for my partner, who knows what is going on and does not deserve to be treated that way.How do I get rid of this inappropriate feeling, would anybody know please? I fear to be stuck for years.Thanks for your help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2007): Gents,
Many thanks for your response... I feel the truth is in both of them.
The supposed trauma was generated by very challenging professional situations. I started behaving against my own interest (no sleep, no food, just stress). I repeatedly missed other job opportunities.
Stress is also a powerfull trigger for sex/romance.
I could have easily been trapped - with a boss only willing to cheat on his wife - in what I would have considered as the ultimate love story. Thus, I feel ridiculous and would have enjoyed a scientific excuse like a 'Stockholm syndrom'. Well, let's face it as it is.
There has been no extramarital sex hopefully, but there is a high emotional price for trying to keep all this under control.
My first idea was to keep all this for myself, but pain is not easy to hide from a person you live with. My partner insisted to hear from me what he had been guessing for a long time, so I finally told him. He's indeed been very supportive and it would be unfair to hurt him any further.
You are right, time to figure out.
Do I leave my partner because I could never give him what I give to my boss, and because I can't forget this guy?
Or do I remain with my partner because friendship is more valuable than passion over the long term, and because he deserves my respect for his commitment?
I guess I must let the time help, activate my brain and behave the right way.
Thanks again and best wishes.
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (17 June 2007):
 You told your partner? If you did not have sex with the boss, then you should have kept your mouth shut.
People are going to have feelings, even ones that are "inappropriate" at times. Trying to control your feelings is going to cause you to feel damaged.
Put your focus on controling your behavior, not your emotions.
I applaud you for finding a new job.
If your partner sticks with you through this, consider yourself very lucky.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
male
reader, bytex64  +, writes (17 June 2007):
 It doesn't sound like a post-trauma thing. I say this mainly because I don't see any trauma in your story. You're just infatuated with your boss. It happens.
First off, bravo for not hiding this from your partner. Now, for his sake and yours, pull your head out of the clouds and find out what you really want. You may find out that the passion has waned with your partner and you're just looking for a way out. Meditate, discuss, but most importantly, don't be embarrassed about it. Feelings happen, and I think the more you put it out there, the less power it will have over you.
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