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Feels like my mum hates me.

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Question - (20 August 2007) 20 Answers - (Newest, 25 November 2010)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I'm only 14. my mum and i had recently had an argument (we'd always have these things) about who's doing the washing and sweeping, unfortunately i was told to do the washing but my washing skills aren't that real good so i said i wanted to do sweeping instead. my mum shouted at me to do the job she told me to do, and so i did. she'd then went off telling me how bad and awful i was, after id done my washing, i stormed upstairs crying my head off. (id even do self harming) because since when i was younger, we'd always have arguments, but I'm used to it. what really annoys me is the way when i tell my mum my secrets, she'd then go off to the people we'd known well and tell them how bad and blames things on me. id always thought to myself, "what if i keep my secrets, all these blames quiet?" but i know for a fact that i have to spill them out someday but i cant cope it anymore which is why I'm writing to you. also when we'd have arguments, few Min's later my mum wouldn't speak to me, wouldn't make dinner or whatsoever. she'd just treats me like I'm dead, id always tell my self to do suicide but i cant do it, my dad, he's really helpful at times, he sometimes come up to me and tell me to go up to mum and say sorry, but its not going to happen that way cos my dad passed away 3 months ago and i cant cope without him being comfortable to me. i also know for a fact that mum wouldn't accept me saying sorry. so id just play her way, ignore. but she'd just go off and be happy and playful to my sisters, which makes me feel really left out. she even tried to use my little sister to replace me.i really want to ask my mum that if I'm not here, then why are you keeping me at home? i know this is a big letter to be published but please help me, don't bin this, i really do need help. what do i do? i cant say sorry cos that doesn't work. please help.

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A female reader, Pinkliner United Kingdom +, writes (25 November 2010):

Hey dont worry i feel the same about my mum she is such a cow and my brother is the favourite and im sick and tired of her shouting at me. I cant tell my dad coz they have an arguement and split up again.My mum has hit me but dont put ur head down

Just do what she says and try to speak to her bye

xx

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A female reader, Floid United Kingdom +, writes (25 May 2010):

I'm having a tough time right now, so I typed in a search engine "my mother hates me" and that's how I ended up here. My mother does genuinely dislike me and that's no secret. She has suffered depression for many years and my upbringing was strange,uncomfortable and confusing. But it's only now that I see it all clearly. I am 40 years old now and have children of my own. I have learned that the best way to deal with this is to not give in to feeling sorry for myself, yes my mother is a total cow and my father was no better but I am not them, nor am I anything like them. They drove me to a suicide attempt at 15 and even now I have never told my mother, or my siblings why that was. It is better to let them think what they want because I have no interest in their empathy, sympathy or understanding. They were never there for me and now I realise I don't need them. My mother has wiped out all traces of me, photo's as a child, family items etc. I still see her regularly and she still pretends it's all my fault, but I know that's part of how she deals with being the way she is. Somewhere inside she knows she's wrong and she'll have to live with that. I keep her on the right side of me, but I don't let her in. She knows only what I want her to and nothing more. I think she knows I have no love for her now and that makes her more determined to punish me but I don't care. I know that real love is with someone who cares for you no matter what, someone who stands by you, loves you, looks after you and doesn't have to make big grand gestures to prove it. So I place my heart in the hands of my husband and children, I make sure I am there for them and return their love with honesty and loyalty. I don't pretend to be someone I'm not, I'm not always perfect, but I am a good person. It's true that the feeling of being to blame for how your parents are always stays with you but you don't have to let that feeling beat you. Accept that it's there and forgive yourself. Your own self esteem is what makes or breaks you and just getting through a life with a hateful parent means your a fighter and a winner. You will be the best you can in spit of your mother, even if all that means is being a wonderful parent, friend or lover yourself. And sometimes, that means accepting that your just like everyone else, all have their cross to bear, don't let yours consume you.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2010):

Hey I know what you mean. me and my mum always fight. and am in an argument right this second. i wish i knew an awsner to you problem but i decided i was gonna try and do what ever she says and just hold my breath. i do what she wanted and as soon as i could i would be out the house with my suite cases. that is what i want to do. we just had a fight because my mum told me to tidy my room but i said it was a weekend to relax. my mum didnt think so. i went up without another word apart from now i have to tidy too. she said i was the same as my dad. then stormed up and told me to say it again. i did. but then i turned to take my phone out of my pocket and she pulled me back. she hit my cheek and said never to awnser her again. she always said she hated me and i dont know what to do. she sticks up when my sister says stuff to me. i hate her now and never wanna talk to her again.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2009):

first of all, let me tell you that i was so touched after reading your letter because my mum treats worse than yours. she even told me she hates me. i was so chocked. what i wanna tell you is not to give up, try to find out things in common between you.try to show her that in spite of all problems happening, you love her. If there's no improvement, start writing what you feel, it'll help you so much. hoping to see you happier.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2009):

i know exactly how you feel. Im 14 too and in exactly the same sistuation, im in it right this second actually, i think my mums turned into a syco. she broke the phone :/.

Crazy or what... i wish i could answer your question sorry but i cant , im looking for the answer too but one thing i did see was lots of people have the same problem as us. So dont worry its not just you. That reasured me abit, but tbh right now i feel like poo, and i dont know what to do. Im scared to go to sleep now :(. Lets hope we all find an answer soon enough, but look on the bright side tomorrows another day and everythings brhind. My mum wants me to go live in a care home now and she told me too my face she dosent love me. So really for now all i can say is good luck and if i do get an answer i will post it hear soon.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2009):

Hi i'm Samantha and i am 14 years old. You see the problem is ever since my dad died when i was 5 years old it feels like my mum hates me. Also i feel like i am jelous of my little brother Craig who is 8 because of the fact that he has a dad and i don't and i'm always giving him a hard time but i don't want things to be this way. ever since my dad died my attitude has got worse as well and i don't like it but i can't stop i always feel angry and upset this isn't right i am a teen and should be living life to the fool not like this.

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A female reader, becca b United Kingdom +, writes (15 August 2009):

i feel exactly the same way and i wish i had an answer for you but i don't as i need help as well maybe we can become friends, and we can share eachothers 'mum' problems if you haven't sorted them already. anyway back to my 'mum' problems. I'm only 12 in a couple of days, but i'm having the worst time of my life thanks to my mother. My mum and i also keep having problems and i also do not know what to do. the most recent argument was also about housework which me, my mum, my brother and my brother's best friend (as he pratically lives with us) share. All these arguments has now tipped me over the edge and i really need an answer or someone who understands to support me and then i can support them back. I cry practically 24hours a day, all week. Plz plz plz plz reply and we can help eachother. Becca xxx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2008):

just try to stay strong, i love my mum more than words can say and we have just had an arguement, all i want to do is make everything normal again, we usually tell each other we love each other and stuff like that, i no she loves me and im sure your mum does too, but shes just not saying i love you anymore, little things. So what happened was i horse ride, so my mum came to see me. (my dad and i do this together)and when she left the show, we said 'i love you' and when my dad dropped me off later that day, she was in a mood, now shes saying when she was young she would never let anyone talk to her mum like dirt. now i dont know what ive done, i ask what i have done and she ses i have done nothing!! i need your advice!! were in the same boat...

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2008):

you'l battle on! my dad passed away when i was younger, i grew up and me and my mum never got on.. since he passed, our relationship picked up... life will get better, ur just at a bad time, i know the feeling, i have been there... you will be ok, everything will pick up at some stage, and yu will come out of this a strong human being..

Take care, and dont give up!!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008):

hi, i always fight withmy mum and i have a younger sister two that takes my place when weve had an argument. what i do is when she ignores me i just speak to her and tell her how i feel and wot i think SHES done wrong and because shes ignoring me she doesnt tell me off or shout at me. i then walk away and soon enough shell realise that shes been out of order to me and try and make frends with me. this is the point when i accept her apoligy (not necessarily saying sorry myself) and all is well. thanx cya

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2008):

I know exactly how u feel. My mum can be awful and she acts like my older brother is amazing. I love him but I don't know why I'm not good enough.

Is there anyone you can talk to? A friend, relative or sibling?

Talking does usually make you feel better and this sounds silly but having a good, long cry always makes me feel a tiny bit better

Hope this helped you.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2008):

My mums like that ,, i always get shouted at all the time ,, and she sayss she hates me and wishes i wasnt born ,, she always clls me to her frends ,, its all since she got a new boyfrend,, i totally Get Ignored now and i feel kicking off is the only way shell Give me some attention again, i stamp up the stairs and i cry and she calls me names and i get ded angry and call herr bakk ,,,her bf is a nice person but he has come inbetween me and my mum as it has just been me and her for all my life. My mum has even Rang social Services. i have just had an argument with her now ,,i borrowed her ipod and she came up and got it and thenn sed you dont deserve to use any of my things and i sed y . and she sed ,, just coz your you , =( Whatt cannn i doo ,, She hates me and im really Beginning to hate herrr

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2007):

my mum is also like this. my parents have divorced recently and i live with my mum and her husband, i feel like i am not there and left out on all the inside jokes. she tells him all my deep secrets and then they laugh about it later. so i had it out with her and ended up moving out and living with my nannan for one year and now i live one week at my mums and one week at my Nannans so that i can feel loved by someone.

try telling your mum how you feel, sit down with her or write her a note, something. try talking to a close friend that might tell your mum for you if you cannot do it youself. it is better if you talk even if it means moving out and living with another relative, if she still ignores you try to spend as much time as possible away from the house. thats what i did, i would go out for long 3 hour walks at night when she would say something to me or make me mad.

good luck

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2007):

yes i feel the same my mum just ignores me doesant accept me saying sorry and just says get out of the house i dont really want you hear then just blurts it out to relatives making me sound like such an idiot. but dont let it get to you in a few dsys or weeks youll be talking again just try to keep out of her way my mum likes my sister alot more than me just dont let it get to you

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2007):

i know what your feeling

like i could be having the best day at like school and stuff but once i get home she immediately yells at me for something that is not even fair, just completely ridiculous and i cant do anything about it either, which is the hardest part.

my mom and i have a weird relationship too

i never hug her. ever. shes like wierd like that-but ill like wrestle my best friend

i cannot tell her anything secret- she will act like it doesnt matter and tell the world and it always comes back around to bite me in the butt. and there is no one i can go to for support because i dont want my friends to think that i hate my mom

but out of all these things my biggest problem is me feeling like she doesnt appreciate me. i am a sophmore i have a gpa of about a 3.9 to a 4.0 i take honors world affairs honors chemistry and honors calculus i dont drink or do drugs and im still not good enough for her., i will never be able to achieve being up to her standard which is what keeps me up crying its just so frustrating makes you feel alone and insecure about everthing

i guess i didnt need to explain my story to you but im glad that im not the only one that has troubles with their mom. my escape is whenever i can get out of the house, i try to clear my mind and forget what fights i got in or what my homelife is like. for me, i prefer dance. i can get out whatever emotion i need to and it really opens up your mind. running with an ipod or some type of music is also a good option.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2007):

hi,

i know how you feel my mum is never happy shes so depressed, i try to help her but she just doesnt accept me going near her. every time i cum to hug her or kiss her she always shoves me off. i always argue with her and we just cant seem to have a good relationship with her. i feel like im alone. but i dont give up, i always try and sumtimes she accepts me. i try talking to her, it really does help express your feelings to her, tell her you need her. just try and see the results if that doesnt work u can always rely on sum 1 ( friends..., school...) but remember your not the only one people out there hav worse problems.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2007):

hi this is sophie im ten years old and were gunna talk to together i hope so but its not fair doing mother jobs from them and then ignore us and then ignore us we can sort it out together and i understand what your going through its no fair on us

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A female reader, Robyn1701 United Kingdom +, writes (21 August 2007):

Robyn1701 agony auntI knew a girl who had problems like you. Her name was Jessica and she was a happy teenage girl. She never told anybody what was going on at home and we didn't know. She commited suicide when she was only 15 and she never lived the rest of her life. Her mother cried and cried at her funeral. She didn't even know how much she was hurting her daughter.

Your mum may not seem like she likes you. And I know how hard that can be. But please don't do anything too rash. You need to live and be happy and show your mum how good a person you can be. You come on here and talk to us here and msg me and e-mail me whenever you need to. Whenever you want to talk about anything. You have friends everywhere and you need to get away from your mum sometimes and you can. Please please talk to anyone about it but don't hate yourself. It's not your fault.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2007):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

thanks! broken babe!

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A female reader, broken babe United States +, writes (20 August 2007):

broken babe agony auntsometimes if your different from your mom your personalities will clash and yes you may not get along my moms been yelling at me for years and i dont like her at all but i do love her see the thing is you are her child and no matter how long its been your still the closest person to her heart but when people get stressed out they tend to push people that are close away now you may really actually be disliked by your mom but she does love you but if your father just died you must see that on her side it was severly painful as well its wrong for her to ignore you for your sisters though i must admit thats not right but you shouldnt need to say sorry im not sure but heres another point of view she is your mother yes but theres other people in your life that care about you no matter how much you doubt that dont end your life just because of one peerson.... hope that helps

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