A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:im having trouble in my relationship. i've been with my gf for 5 months and whenever we fight i feel that i'm the one apologizing even when its not my fault. when shes upset i ask questions to better understand why she is and how i can do better. when i'm upset she askes me to talk to her but the moment i start talking she gets offended by my feeling hurt. its extremely frustrating to feel like my feelings matter. last week she was going through family problems and she felt the need to smoke marijuana(i've done it, she's done it), i didn't want her too because i didn't want that to be her escape each time her parents fought. but i understood that she needed to calm down and stop crying. now this week i've been under a lot of stress, i could be fired, transfered at work because my boss hates me for no reason. the house i'm staying in it being sold so i have 3 weeks before i have to move out. no apartment in sight. the house i'm living in needs repairs that is going to cost a couple of hundred dollars and my car is smoking up a storm and it could be really serious. all this happened..TODAY! now i asked her if she could get me some and after a little back and forth she agreed. later on we are talking on the phone and she's calming me down, going through ways to help each of my problems, i feel better but the more i'm talking i start to notice she isnt...hmmm... she started to fall asleep on me!! really!! after she was feeling so bad last week where i took her in after her parents were fighting and one was talking of divorce and the other suicide. i realize that her stress factors are very strong and more so than mine but mine still affect me. she told me she'd just bring me the bag and would hang out with her friends.. it makes me feel like doesn't give a s**t. how can i tell her how shes making me feel without making her mad? i love her dearly but i don't know if i can put up with someone who doesn't care about me enough to cancel plans with a friend when they can re-schedule for the weekend since shes not working. can someone please give me some words of wisdom?
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male
reader, superstitionainttheway  +, writes (3 July 2010):
 sorry friend, just to clear up, has it always been that way or did was she more sensitive to your feelings in the begining? perhaps ask yourself what is was about your gf that made you fall in love with her, are those things still present?
if not you need to either talk about it to your gf perhaps when you both arent as pressured and then you no that neither of you will be reacting out of current circumstances.
I myself am having similar trouble, my gf seemed to all of a sudden switch off her emotions and completely cut me out. still struggling with what to do ive decided i need to let her sort herself out.
if you havent done anything to provoke this behaviour, then its doubtful you yourself can help avoid it. maybe decide weather your preapered to put up with her untill you both get through this difficult time, or maybe you feel you deserve better.
its tough friend, but loving someone means being being with them for the good and bad i guess. hope i helped mayte
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