A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I've had a female bestfriend now for about 5 years, shes the only female bestfriend I have and now i'm starting to question our friendship. It had kinda been building up, but now I don't really know how to react to it. She has been in a relationship of two years with a guy who is a total douche, he lies to her, treats her bad, and is obviously hiding something. I am not the sort of person who will tell someone to just "break up" with someone as it isn't any of my business. However everytime in the past when he does something wrong she runs to me and asks my opinion and I always give her an honest one whether she likes it or not. However there relationship had gotten to the point where it was so dysfunctional that everytime we hung out or went out together she would spend half of it talking about how angry she was with him, or she would spend it arguing over the phone with him which completely ruins everything. The thing which annoys me is the fact she just lies down and takes everything he throws at her, she will moan to me about it but then when she sees him she will act as if everything is fine. Recently she has found herself a new group of friends, she asked me my opinion on one of them, and my opinion wasn't exactly negative but I just said "she comes across snobby" she then went on the defence and kinda blanked me since then. Recently I have been mentally unwell and have had to leave college for a few months, i've been gone almost 3 months now and not once has she called me to see how I am. I don't expect her to babysit me but if it was her i'd of rung. My mum saw her in the street and explained I was mentally unwell and going through a rough time and she said she would call but hasn't. Since she has gotten these new friends who she goes out drinking with almost every week, it feels like i've been dropped, despite helping her through many things to do with her boyfriend, friends and family. I saw her today for the first time in 3 months, she was in car and just waved to me and started dancing with the music up really loud, it seemed like she was trying to do the whole "look at me i'm having so much more fun than you act" and it didn't really work. I am thinking I might just ignore her from now on and let her get on with it, as when I need her she isn't there, but what do you guys think? Thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe thing is she hasn't exactly dropped me. She rung me yesterday (the first time in three months) but I just didn't pick up the phone. I don't really know what to do because if I go and tell her that I think shes this and that and don't want to be her friend, shes the sort of person who will just try and make my life harder. So at the moment i'm just sticking with the ignoring tactic. Also i agree with you, I do need to make new friends but I can't. I live in a small town, and everyone knows everyone around here, I barely like anyone in college and I don't really know where i'd go to make new friends. Even if I travelled to the nearest city on a train, how would I make new friends? Do you just go up to a group and say hi? I'm in a bit of a pickle when it comes to making new friends.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (17 April 2014):
 I think you got lucky in her "dropping" you.
She isn't a good friend at all. She isn't supportive. She is a "taker". She is the kind of person who thinks the world revolve around her. She probably even date that douche because she thinks all the DRAMA equals GREAT passion & love - when all it means is immaturity from both of them.
All in all it adds up to a person who you CAN do better NOT having as a friend. It might seem like a big deal right now, but as you grow and make NEW and BETTER friends, you will see.
And honey, IT IS TIME to make new friends.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your answers. Also i'd like to say this friend of mine has had a mentally ill mother for years now, and I know people of my age do not know how to deal with the issues I have, but she could of atleast called. Its common decency if you haven't seen someone in a while to just call and see how they are.
And I know its not a big deal, I just wanted to hear others opinions on it.
Also to answer your question I do have two other bestfriends, however they are both male, and I kinda trust them with everything.
I don't have anymore friends because I don't fit in, so people don't want to be my friend, I am nice to everyone if they haven't done anything wrong to me and its not that people don't like me because they do, but when it comes to actually being friends with that person i'd prefer to keep to myself, because half the time I don't actually like the way that person acts, and normally the reason why is down to immaturity.
I don't want to go out and get drunk every weekend, I don't want to snort drugs all the time and laugh and giggle at things which aren't even funny. So I just stay away from it as a whole.
Also with the whole mentally ill bit, I am much better now, and will be going back to college for a meeting to see whether they will let me back in or not, I just had to leave because the stress got way to much.
Anyway thankyou x
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2014): When you are a little older you will look back on this as barely a bump in your road. In fact by the time you are in your 40's like me, I doubt if you will remember her or what her problem was.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 April 2014):
 Hi there, if your friend is in your age range of 16-17 then she's been your best friend since she was 11-12. Now, I'm very far out of my teens but I can tell you that looking back, most of my friendship mistakes and regrets at that age are based on ignorance, fear and embarrassment.
I'm fairly confident that at age 16 I would have no idea how to handle or treat a friend who was mentally unwell, especially if she vanished from school without much explanation. I would be afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing in case she's so fragile what I say may hurt her or remind her of happier days.
If I were a girl who had an idiot teenaged boyfriend (ITB) and my life revolved around the drama of what he was or wasn't doing and one of the shoulders I cried on for hours disappeared, I doubt I would have the compassion and empathy to check on why she'd disappeared. I would be more focussed on keeping my little world all happy and smiley except for when I was moaning about the ITB, in which case I would want my captive audience.
My older self would tell my younger self to let this friend go into the mists of history. There are friends for all your seasons and this one's season has passed. She's not mature enough to be your friend at this point and you should not sit around waiting for her to call.
Let her go.
Now, a question for you.
Why is it that you have put all your friendship eggs into this particular moaning fair weather basket-case? Is this part of the "mentally unwell" systemic issue that is keeping you from school and other friends?
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