A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi everyone ive been with my fiancé for 3 years now just lately I don't feel happy anymore and now ill explain why.We met through facebook and after that he told me he doesn't use facebook anymore.I had him on my friends list he just never bothered using it, up until recently.He started to add single women on that look like the type of women he would like to date he denied everything when I questioned him about it I posted on here a few weeks ago about it and got some good advice.Just last week though I found out he has set a new account up on facebook which he doesn't think I know about I just don't know what to do.I'm not sure whether I can trust him anymore. Just last night we had a argument about his clever attitude towards me and him bothering with his dog more than me.It's like he has put this dog on a pedestal. It can do no wrong. If it wees in the house or on the sofa it doesn't get in bother. It gets praise which is what the argument was about last night as he uses every towel we have to dry the dog when he has had him out.He blamed me when I have nothing to do with the dog as its a one person dog Last night we went to bed he turned his back on me and went to sleep all because I asked him nicely not to use every towel we have on the dog.He wont take the blame for anything and anything I do or say he disagrees and has a different opinion I feel so fed up and down what should I do any advice greatly appreciated
View related questions:
facebook Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2017): Oh sweetie, what a tough situation. I know you stay because you love him and are afraid of being alone. It takes a lot to leave a 3 year relationship. You have invested a lot of yourself into it. But you cannot be the only one in the relationship. He seems to have left it already emotionally. This is why he is treating you so poorly. And allowing his dog to pee all over the house. Because he doesn't care anymore. He does not care about your home together or that you are comfortable. Allowing the dog to pee is passive aggressive behaviour. He is subconsciously trying to piss you off and drive you away. He has no respect for you and no caring. I am sad to say that to you because deep down you wish it was not this answer. And his opening another FB account is a big red flag. Why? Because it was done in secret. And because he met you that way. Some men do not change. Maybe he is bored or disillusioned in some way and looking to find some new thrills? Personally, I think the 3 year mark is much too soon to get bored however we are dealing with somebody who is insecure and immature. I doubt it has anything to do with you. And everything to do with him. He is UNHAPPY with himself. Miserable in fact. He takes it out on you. And he is just seeking pie in the sky solutions to self medicate. He thinks talking to women on Facebook is going to solve all his problems. But it won't. He will have those problems forever if they go unaddressed. And he does not seem to be the type to want to work on things or compromise. He is not relationship material, let alone husband material. He has a lot of growing up to do. A lot of soul searching. He is just lost. It is sad but we cannot fix broken men no matter how much we love them. And instead of cut ourselves on their broken pieces, is it not best we just let them go? If he loved you, he would be fighting for you. He would be treating you nicer. But he is not. Maybe you should have a talk and tell him how you are feeling and see how he reacts. That will give you more answers. But I think it is too late anyway at this point. I am not sure he can change because he does not WANT to. For me, opening a secret Facebook account would be the nail in the coffin. I mean, why would you even have to do that? There is something very wrong with that.
A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (21 January 2017):
 he is up to something (or would like to be) if he has made an FB account that he has intended to keep secret from you. i think you KNOW the answer to your question already but you do not want to admit it to yourself because you don't want to leave him (yet), you will get there i am sure, when you have had as much as you can tolerate. i just hope you do not get too damaged in the process. i hope you find the strength to leave him to his nonsense, with his pissy dog for company. this guy does not respect you or care about your opinions or feelings
...............................
A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (20 January 2017):
 You know better so it's up to you to do better. Don't waste anymore of your time worrying about whether you can trust him or not instead trust in yourself that there is a way out of this misery. all it takes is for you to take the first step out the door.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (20 January 2017):
 Why are you continuously putting yourself through this?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2017): So what's it going to take for you to decide you've had enough and it's time to breakup?
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (20 January 2017):
 I know this is not the crux of your post, but it concerns me that you think a dog should get "in bother" because it toilets in the house. That is going back to the dark ages, when people beat dogs and rubbed their noses in what they had done when they had an accident in the house. Just barbaric and out-of-date.If the dog is properly trained and walked frequently enough outside, it will soon learn to not toilet in the house. Punishing it when it either toilets in the house because it knows no better, or because it is desperate to go out, is not only inappropriate and ineffectual, but also inhumane. (You admit you have nothing to do with the dog so, I assume, when your boyfriend is not there, the dog doesn't get out to toilet, in which case you could probably do something to help with the toileting problem.) Do you have separate towels for the dog? If not, go out an buy a pile (different to your own) and tell your boyfriend they are the dog's towels. Then he has no excuse not to use them. (Same principle as not telling kids NOT to do something undesirable but, rather, giving them something better to do.)Regarding the relationship, ask yourself the question, what do you have left if the trust has gone - which is obviously has? Are you going to spend your life - married or otherwise - checking up on your boyfriend, finding stuff that makes you uncomfortable, but doing nothing about it? That is no life and you know, deep down, you deserve better.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (20 January 2017):
 You have asked about this relationship for a LONG time ( I remember both the dog questions and the Facebook question).
You are still with him WHY? HE isn't going to change. He thinks because he has proposed that you will stay no matter what and he can do as he pleases.
A dog that pisses on furniture is not trained right, not walked enough or ill. It's NOT a normal thing for a healthy dog to piss on furniture. And unfortunately, it's more or less impossible to get the pee out of a couch. Which means? The dog will re-offend and piss on the couch, again and again, it's NOT his/her toilet. Which is utterly gross. No amount of shampooing or steam cleaning that couch it will NEVER be free of the dog pee.
If I were in your shoes, I'd start looking for another place to live, I just couldn't live with a dog that pisses on furniture. And when I found a place I can afford I would move out. (unless the place is yours, then I'd give him 30 days to get him and his dog out).
He is looking for women online to either talk to and maybe cheat with and his dog (which he prioritize over you) pisses on the furniture, you can't trust him so WHY on Earth are you still ENGAGED to be married?
Getting married will CHANGE nothing in the day to day life. NOTHING. He will not stop looking for women on Facebook (he will just get sneakier about hiding it) and he will not care about the dog pissing wherever in the house. After all, YOU are there to clean it up, right?
It IS normal that two people have different opinions on stuff but when living together there NEED to be compromises made so BOTH people can feel like the place is home. Doesn't seem like he gives a flying fart.
You aren't happy with this so why are you staying, feeling resentful and unhappy? Why live in this kind of misery?
...............................
|
