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My boyfriends fantasy is a threesome... With another man!

Tagged as: Breaking up, Sex, Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (25 November 2004) 58 Answers - (Newest, 20 March 2012)
A , anonymous writes:

I have been with my boyfriend for about 7 months. We are madly in love. Last night we were discussing our fantasies and what we would like to try. We both agreed we would try almost anything, except I knew I would never have a threesome because I loved him so much and I wouldn't be able to cope with another person being with us. Assuming he'd also rule out a threesome I asked him. He said it was a fantasy of his. As he's a guy I can just about understand how two women would arouse him so much. But he also said he would like to arouse me with the help of another guy. Nothing homosexual, just for me. I cannot believe that if he loved me he would be willing to share me, and treat me like a toy. I thought he was the jealous type, I thought he was protective over me. I asked him how he could watch another guy kiss and touch me. He said he wouldn't watch. He would help. I honestly don't know what to do. I have told him we're finished, that he can't love me and he doesn't understand. He says I've taken it the wrong way. But how could he love me if he would let this happen. I love him so so much. I really need some advice. What do you think I should do?

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A female reader, jillsmith37 United States +, writes (20 March 2012):

Funny my boyfriend keeps asking me the same thing..at first I was hurt..but kept bugging me about it..I told him I didn't want one with someone I had an romantic attachment with. Him pushing the "wanting to make me happy" went from hurting me to pissing me off. I told him that if I ever went down that road with him that there would be no turning back...that I wouldn't look at him the same again and since he wanted to make Me happy, being with another man was on my terms and just not when he's around...after all it's about me right? He stresses he doesn't want to feel left out but the way I look at it is that its about letting someone else it. Threesomes are fine I think if the heart is left out. Fidelity is very powerful. He won't stop there..Not only does my b/f think it's love he's showing me but he loves other ppl letting him watch their love. If you think he's jealous then he is if he's protective he's a control freak. I sure wish my b/f wanted to "make me happy" outside of the bed instead of making everything about him. Good luck

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A male reader, JerryS United Kingdom +, writes (23 March 2011):

"Nothing homosexual, just for me"

I think that statement says it all. He would like to increase YOUR pleasure and I think that is where he is coming from. I am not saying that he would not be getting something from this himself but to surrender the love of his life is the ultimate except for laying down his life for you. Take the road and see where it leads you. If you are both mature enough you will get through any issues.

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A female reader, Rain Flower United States +, writes (1 March 2011):

Rain Flower agony aunthe may feel insecure of his abilities to arouse you. maybe he thinks he needs help making you happy so he doesn't lose you.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2010):

Well, you have to open up your mind, maybe read a bit about it, and try and understand that his desire has absolutely nothing to do with lack of love for you, or lack of respect.

The fact is that this is one of the top 10 (#6) men's fantasies. This is the kind of fantasy that occurs only when men are really happy with their women, and share a deep bond. There is a lot to be said about his willingness to share this with you and you should at least, feel honored that he feels comfortable enough with you to do so.

I can almost assure you that, if granted the opportunity to do this with another girl, it would not be desirable for him.

There is so much about the subject and it is impossible to write about it in short lines, but just remember this:

1. It is normal and quite common;

2. He wants it with you because he loves you;

3. He is honest and self-confident enough to share this with you, and you should be happy about that;

4. Even if you don't agree with the fantasy, it should not be grounds for a break up, UNLESS IF YOUR LOVE FOR HIM IS WEAK!

5. Do not get caught up on the statements of judgmental people... most judgmental people live miserable lives!

Talk to the man you claim to love so much, open up your mind, educate yourself about the subject.

Best of Luck!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2008):

you should speak to him ask him why he likes the idea of watching you with another man

would be silly to fall out over it trust me your not the only couple that thinks about these things or has done them

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2008):

Adding to 9 February 2008's post...If you don't want to go through with it but you want to keep the fantasy alive, try incorporating a dildo into your routine. Try different positions and you'll soon see your inhibitions start to ease. A trip to your local sex shop may get the ball rolling. Remember to relax and just have fun.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2008):

Definitely way too early for you to be talking about this. My husband and I are 40 and I would never consider it a few years ago. I finally decided to try it after having flirted with the idea over a year or so (the flirting was VERY arousing for us both) and I have NO regrets. We're at a point in our lives where we needed something new. We don't do it regularly but it has brought so much more into our sex life. It's not for everyone though. We've done both MFM and MMF and both of us actually prefer the MMF. Good luck to you.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2008):

My guy and I have a great relationship both in and out of bed. I was the first to suggest a 3some last year with another guy and he chose the male, a friend of his. The situation was hot, but the choice of male not so good, however we learnt from it and have had more. Tomorrow we are having our first fmf experience and we are totally looking forward to it. Threesomes are not for everyone but a fantasy can still remain purely a fantasy if people don't want to act it out, and they can still get a lot of pleasure purely from discussing it. Chill out!

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A female reader, runawayitscory1 United States +, writes (12 March 2008):

runawayitscory1 agony aunthi, well yes ive been here. Sometimes it does hurt to hear this kind of thing.. and it becomes kind of a defensive thing as well. If i were you i wouldnt do it. you can get just as much pleasure from just him and threesomes are fun, but believe me you will regret it.. its kind of a loss of self respect. Tell him you dont want to. and if he loves you, he will understand.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2008):

I say do it, if he is offering it is because he wanted to give you more sexual pleasuer then he can do on his own because he loves you that much, if you truly love eachother as much as you say you do a threesom wont hurt anything it will only make things stronger..

for further information pleas contact me at

[email address blocked]

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A female reader, lonely queen United States +, writes (12 March 2008):

7 months is not a long time. You are not madly in love, you are infatuated. Infatuation passes. The mere mention of his fantasy 3-way and your infatuation with him vanished. It takes a lot more than that to kill actual love.

Move on to someone who might actually like you as an individual first. And learn to keep some things to yourself. Never give away that much of yourself to anyone.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2008):

its not that he doesnt love you its that he loves you so much one person in his eyes cant give you enough of what he has to offer if that makes any sense

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2008):

Go for it. You'll really spice up your sex life! We did! Never looked back once my wife agreed to this lifestyle.

Good luck.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2008):

Your Over-reacting. Just because he wants to act out his fantasy doesn't mean he doesn't love you, he just wants to try it. If your not into a threesome just tell him that your not and if he respects you he will be cool with that. Ending the relationship is silly

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2008):

My wife and I have been together for 16 years. This fantasy came up early on when I asked her if it was a fantasy she had. She was coy at first but eventually said yes. I don't think it came up that often then for years. Then recently she started bringing it up as we were "keeping things interesting". She has been looking really hot lately and she is now into this fantasy. We have had ALOT more sex since we started talking about it as a real possibility. And boy, she is having intense orgasms thinking about it. I got her off twice for the first time ever (in 16 years!) by simulating the MMF fantasy just a few nights ago. Intense! So it has sort of become a pet fantasy of mine too. I have to say I was way too jealous to actually do it in our early years together, but now I'm thinking..hey why not.

Toys and degradation never entered our minds-just fun and seeing each other as sexually desirable.

Here's the problem: She is looking very hot now so it could really happen. If it does, I can see it becoming a habit. I mean MMF works so Well practically (MFF another favorite requires a bit more mental gymnastics)-will she crave it?

Good to see some of you have had it and loved it.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2008):

If you're breaking up with someone over a fantasy you are definitely taking it the wrong way.

Everyone has different sexual desires and wanting a threesome says very little about his love for you or lack thereof.

You're basically punishing him for being honest, you're over-reacting.

Maybe it's for the best, you seem to the the type of person with a very stringent idea of love who needs to be catered to and unforgiving as well.

If you really loved him, you'd politely let him know that you just weren't into that sort of thing and just go on with the relationship. If you want to break up with him over something so simple I think you need to assess whether or not you really loved him as much as you say you did.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2007):

I think it's possible that it's not that he wants to share you or treat you like a toy... but perhaps he just wants you to get as much ultimate pleasure as possible. For you to be really happy. I don't know your boyfriend or his personality, but if he really didn't love you wouldn't he want all the pleasure? It's just a thought and I could be wrong. Also, people have all sorts of kinks that they can't necessarily control. It may be a part of who he is. If you love him, you should accept that. If you can't, then maybe moving on is a good idea. Just remember, that guys arent always the best at expressing things in the right way. It may not be what it seems.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2007):

Hello, my situation goes as follows: I have been having this same fantasy (mmf) and recently I spoke about that with my girlfriend, with whom I have a 2 year and a half serious relationship. She was amazed at first telling me the same kind of words about using her, being with another guy when she only loves me and is satisfied enough with me. But eventually she told me that if it was to make "me" feel happy, she would do it. The truth is that I think that I have this fantasy because I truly love her so much at the point that I would give her the opportunity of feeling desired by another guy and it really turns me on to think about the fact that a lot of guys (including every friend o` mine) would be crazy to have sex with her since she is really beautiful. So what do you guys n` girls think? Is it normal "psychologically speaking" to have these kind of ideas in my head? We also agreed that my wicked fantasy could destroy eventually our relationship and that`s why I would prefer to keep like that, as a fantasy, however, the bug is still inside of me and we also both fantasy about that sometimes while making love (sometimes mff as well). Good bye!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2007):

I think your being harsh. I'm sure the fact he loves you has little to do with his sexual fantasies.

My situ was similar to yours. My girlfriend finalally agreed to a mmf threesome. Which see really enjoyed, she was in charge of the whole situation, she decided what she wanted and when, we met for drinks with a straight guy we found, spent the evening in a cool hotel, and did most everything you can think of. I wanted to see my girlfriend get pleasured by another guy, watching her giving him a BJwas great, as was watching her have an orgasm( one of many). I dont think any less of her, I love her as much as I ever have, we've done it about three times, and thats in the space of about two and a half years, It's not some thing that would be a regular event, otherwise it would would loose its appeal. Try it once at your pace, you might enjoy it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2007):

Well, a difficult one...when I met my partner he was very open to his sex fantasies...he suggested MMF threesome, I didnt reacted well, I couldnt think about giving myself to someone else...I even felt offended...It has been over a year since then and we have spoken about that a few times.I feel more secure and confident with him, I trust him...I know how much he loves to please me in bed...and I feel the same; by pleasing him, I please myself. It is a virtuous (not vicious) circle of mutual pleasure...I am now considering to give in his ultimate fantasy...it might be fun, exciting, I might even enjoy it...finally, it sounds better to me having another man than another woman sharing our bed...lucky us!!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2007):

Someone said "i think 7 months into a relationship is to early to be asking this."

IMO 7 months is a little late, these things should be done earlier, maybe even ideally the first month, so even if she says no, at least the guy won't waste too much time on a woman who can't keep up. And besides, the sooner you escalate things sexually, the easier it is to.

Women are by and large MUCH freakier than men are and I'd surmise he was dumped not for the proximate cause, but for other problems (i.e. lack of game), or maybe this girl is just a statistical oddity/headcase - I mean, if they were "madly in love" as she said, she might reject the idea entirely, but dumping him? Something else is amiss.

Best of luck to the ex, hopefully he'll find someone a little more adventurous and secure in themselves.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2007):

Hey,

It's a GREAT fantasy and a wonderful reality...but you've both got to be strong upstairs for the nearly inevitable psychological trauma.

Watching my girlfriend give a blowjob to another hot guy, in a different way than she did to me, was INSANE!! I came four times in one night, he came five times, and my girlfriend lost count at fifteen. We stayed together all weekend and one of the hottest things was being awakened in the middle of the night by her hot wet tongue in my mouth as she was getting rammed from behind. "Wake up or you'll miss out on the moment!"

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2007):

i think 7 months into a relationship is to early to be asking this. Of course he has nothing invested in this relationship to lose in case you guys dont work out. but emotionally u are the one who will feel horible. I have been married for 14 yrs and my wife and i have threesomes but its something speciall, hot, and fun we take each other feelings into consideration. Dont do this he doesnt love u he wants to use u.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2007):

Lots of people have this fantasy, it's nothing personal to you. This fantasy of his doesn't stop him from loving you and doesn't demean that love in any way. You should talk with him about it. Just because he wants to share you with another man sexually doesn't mean he wants to invite the man to intimate dinners and dates.

Personally, I have a threesome fantasy of my own, with my girlfriend and another girl. We've talked about it and she's perfectly ok with it, even eager to see it happen. She knows I love her and I know she loves me. Anything that would happen in this situation wouldn't automatically equal me falling in love with this other girl.

Just talk with him about it more before you make any rash decisions concerning you breaking it off with him. And be careful, if you jump to conclusions and judgments too quickly, he may be afraid after this to tell you anything.

Just my two cents.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2007):

To all those who think it is wrong: Come on, do not be so close- minded. My boyfriend is the most giving and pleasing person I have ever known, he performs wonderfully (a "real man"), we have a wonderful sexual life, a solid relationship and he always has the same fantasy and shares it with me. His wiew is that he loves me so much that he wants me to have all the pleasure possible, he wants to see me pleased, he wants to give me the opportunity of enjoying another guy (which I am not looking for, nor I feel I need). At the beginning I was puzzled, but not now, now I am looking forward to it, we have already discussed with our prospective new partner all the pros and cons. Be open minded, go to this link http://www.allsexguide.com/threesome.htm and get into it, AT YOUR OWN PACE. You will understand other views and how it can be a beautiful GIVING experience, forget about people being "used as toys". You will be the person taken care of by two guys, see it as a luxury. It does not work if someone is forced or really does not want it, but just view it as an option and maybe slowly you will see you like it and end up having the best time. And get back to that mand and have full communication. Read from that link togther. Be open minded!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2007):

once you do it, he'll expect you to do it often. so it doesn't go from one extramarital affair. he might want you to do it 50 times. this type of fantasy is about coercing someone into doing something that lowers their worth. he loves the idea that he's pimping you out against your will. it has less to do with voyeurism. it's really sad and makes me want to cry that you would consider doing something so drastic to please somebody else. tell him you want to watch him get f*cked in the behind by a guy, and start scheduling appointments. that should change his mind. but ultimately dump him. men are supposed to be jealous; it's hard to be attracted to them when they're not.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2007):

I have had multiple threesomes, MFF & MMF, nothing homosexual, just good old fun, usually in the course of a drunken party night.

Here is story that may help…

I had a close friend that lived with his very beautiful girlfriend whom he loved very much, they were nearly engaged. We use to hang out all the time. It was his fantasy to bring another guy into the bedroom with them. They had both talked about all the boundaries and do's and don'ts, and how they would never let it affect their relationship, blah, blah, blah. She reluctantly agreed to appease his fantasy.

One night after several cocktails they started making out on the couch in front of me, eventually some clothes came off and then there were some whispers, "I'll only do it if you want to do it", "no, you have to make the first move". The next thing I know I was receiving oral sex from his girlfriend. I even tried to suggest it wasn't a good idea at one point, but the damage had been done. After a night of crazy uninhibited sex, guilt reared its ugly head. At first they were fine, but as time went on he looked at her as more of a slut than a wife to be. Their relationship ended and I don't speak with either of them any longer.

A MMF threesome is fun and experimental, but lets face it, it is an act of degrading a girl, which is the underlying fantasy. While some girls love to be degraded in this fashion, do you really want to imagine your girlfriend with another guys junk in her mouth, I don’t think so.

Save your fantasies for your horny single life. Having a girlfriend/boyfriend is a commitment not to be shared. Might I suggest watching some good 3-way porn with your boyfriend to satisfy his appetite, that can be pretty hot.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2007):

perhaps it would help to understand that for some there exists a distinction that can be made between sex (or sexual fantasy) and intimacy with a person. perhaps your boyfriend separates the unique and special bond that you two have from the act of getting off with another person. One is a deep connection, the other is an animal satisfaction.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2007):

dont do it...i did it and its a nightmare ...your relationship will never ever be the same again....fantasies are best left to the mind.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2007):

I cannot imagine how you thought that this was a good reason to break up with someone. You were under no obligation to agree to this fantasy and he can hardly be blamed for his mind working in this way.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2007):

I am in a situation where my bf of 4 years wants to have a MMF with one of his friends. i too am slightly confused as although it is sumthin we have both fantasised about, i just worry tht it myt damage our relationship. i think if you do consider doin it (as i am) it is important to sit down with ur partner and discuss is properly. for example me and my bf discussed the issues of boundaries eg i will not kiss the other guy as personally i find it too intimate. also if either one of us in uncomfortable we stop ryt away and finally tht it will not b brought up in arguments or used 2 bribe me into havin a FFM. either way, respect his honesty but ultimately he shud respect ur decision or he isnt worth ur love

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2007):

I am in the same exact situation. We talked about it, I was extremely angry/frustrated at first at the thought of him being fine with "sharing me" as others have said. I didn't see how he could watch me be "used" by another guy. I've been in this relationship for almost a year now and he is the only man i've been with in any way sexually. I just lost my virginity to him not even a year ago.I just think this sort of request is too much too soon for me. I've always been brought up to believe that sex was a LOVE act between two people who are in love with each other and it is special between them. We talked about it and came to the conclusion that we wouldnt' do it because i was uncomfortable with it. However, it continues to come up in our conversations and it hurts me to think that I cannot fully please him sexually. While I understand this fantasy, and why it may turn him on, the fact that I love him so much prevents me from going through with this. But I question my feelings and sometimes wish I could so easily give in and just let it happen knowing it would make him happy. We continue to argue about it, its extremely frustrating...I'm at a loss.I am understanding about his fantasy and tried to be open about it, even making suggestions as to how we could "fake" it, but he isn't as compromising.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2007):

A threesome with another guy all depends on how secure your boyfriend's mental state is. it is easy to suggest a fantasy, but a very fine line if you (both) want to carry it out. The final decision will always be the female partner's. However, there are dangers involved, i.e. will he be bigger/better (ahem) wich can cause insecurities in the future. You must talk to him and make it clear that if he wants to fulfil this fantasy(nothing wrong as long as you are comfortable) then there should be absolutely no comebacks from him regarding jealousy,moods etc. If the green light is on......then go for it girl!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2007):

i don't think you should be so upset. both my girlfriend and i have the same fantasy . we would never do it because of possible relationship damage. his attitude is probably like mine , the idea of my woman so sexually excited turns me on. it's not like using her as a sex toy. if it's two straight guys and a woman the woman is like a worshipped being. she is being totally sexual and totally cared for. the other man ends up like the sex toy, really (if you've never used a dildo together ,then you should try this first. you can simulate 3-some sex with it and get at least a bit of an idea of the feelings you'll have- emotionally and physically). your boyfriend may not have thought it through as much as we have. we've fantasized about it together many times and discussed it from a serious standpoiny many times. the excitement of it can make the fears seem like nothing but you have to be careful. it's one thing to agree that it is only a sex thing not a love thing, but quite another to pull it off. but don't be mad at him. if you don't want to do it, let him know.if you think you might do it, make sure you discuss all sides of it-good and bad.if you don't want to actually do it ,it does make a good foreplay fantasy.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2007):

I say NO...........dont go against what you truly believe. Why should you. You have given your boyfriend a reasonable amount of flexibility. But on the whole this is your DIGNITY that hangs in the balance, not his. You are responsible for the person that you become. What you do with your sexuality reflects on your self-esteem, belief of self. Although it sounds great in terms of fantasy, I have read recently that a good percentage of people who participate in threesomes found it didnt live up to their expectations. If we all let our so called partners dominate our sexual lives, what final say do we have. I say stand up for what you want, but at the same time feel free to explore what you feel comfortable with. And remember everyone has different boundaries. I think there is no harm in exploring your sexuality, but if you feel it is not right for you then DONT do it.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2007):

I'm in this situation right now with my Girlfriend of three years. I am the one interested in haveing this threesome and she is dead set against it, as a result our sex life is going down the drain our relationship is under pressure and I really don't think I'm going to hang around much longer. Look as a guy, as a young person their are things we all want to try some people are happy staying in their comfort zone, while others want to try new things and experience exciting situaitons that force you out of the comfort zone. My Girlfriend has said that she thinks that if she sleeps with someone else it could ruin our relationship not realizing that putting those definate boundaries on our sex life is just as if not more damaging than takeing a chance, the bottum line to that is that keeping this stance will definately force me to leave, taking a chance may be the best or worst thing we've ever done but at least we could say we tried and that would be enough for me to make anything work. Also she's said that she couldn't live with herself if she did this,,which is the one thing I will not push her on if she thinks that she won't be able to look herself in the mirror afterword. I would never try to talk her into it, I respect her enough to not put her through that, but now the decision is mine, do I want to stay in a realtionship that isn't going to afford me the oppurtunity to try things that I want to try.....NO..

You may end up losing this guy because you aren't willing to make a sacrifice and try something new. Like I said it may be the best or worse thing you ever do but him knowing that you are willing to try new things may take both ot you to a level you would never get to otherwise.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2007):

You know I am in the same position except I totally love the fact that my man does not mind for another man to touch me. However I think that this requires alot of trust and devotion between me and my husband. We also respect eachothers boundries and will stand by eachother the whole time. I don't know call me crazy but I think that you should just take it easy and love your partner and let love take you were ever it may take you. Be clear about how you feel and make sure that the two of you communicate this is very important. Good luck!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2007):

I am a woman who is in the opposite situation as you. I am the one who wants the threesome, and although my partner is of the same feelings as me, he has formed a bit of a problem with the person I feel most comfortable including in the fun. Ultimately, I have decided that the decision lies with him, and the fact of the matter is that this man is one of his best friends and I don't want to be responsible for ruining a friendship of nearly a decade.

If your man really loves you and cares for your feelings, he will stop pressing the issue and respect your feelings. Perhaps you should suggest acting out a different fantasy, like public sex or anal. Both of which are a heck of a lot of fun by the way! You never know, perhaps in time you will find someone you feel comfortable sharing your body with and can give your man a nice surprise!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2006):

Hello There,

Oh Dear;-(

Listen I have been with my wife for 14 years and met her when I was 19 and she was 16,She really was a stunning girl at that age,still is lol but back then guys were always all around her then,I thought I was the jealous sort but back then it actually turned me on a lot and I just didn't know why!?!Then when we made love I started to fantasize about her having sex with other guys,I felt so ashamed about this and thought my thoughts would disapear but instead it got worse and made me depressed and feeling dirty until 6 years ago we were making love and I couldnt conatin myself anymore and I told her about it,I don't really know how she took it at the time but I know deep down that it IS ONLY A FANTASY and I would never go through with it if it was to be real!

I think your boyfriend has just the same fantasy as I did and means no harm by it,anyway,after that about 5 years ago I told her again during sex about my fantasy and she went along with it saying things that really turned me on and we both had amazing sex that night,funny thing is though that my fantasy for this has more or less disapeared now,it's on and off and I love my wife more than words and she loves me,we are solid together and it's the honesty that builds a strong relationship!!! trust me,call him and make up,he will be feeling terrible,talk it through and get to understand him,he told you about his fantasy because he trusts and loves you,not because he dosen't love you!,we are all different in this world,some guys have fantasies and some don't,its just as well you got an honest guy there;-) give him a call!

good luck

mr.s

scotland

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2006):

If he feels he needs the help of another guy to get you hot it seems he just might be into guy's himself. I'm a normal guy and would never consider having my junk near another guy under any circumstances especially with my girlfriend. Your man might be a closet homo and is using this as an excuse to see other guy's naked. A chic and one of her freaky friends,HELL YES A MILLION TIMES YES. A guy needing help to get his chic hot sounds like a PUNK to me. Ditch that fool and get yourself a real man. One that has normal fantasies.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2006):

My wife and I started to discuss openly our fantasies, telling each other truthfully the way we felt about things sexually. This is as oppossed to what we believe our partners want to hear. We found that we both wanted a MMF threesome and that my wife would even want a MMF threesome with me watching, well I did say we were being honest. We both got our MMF fantasies some years later and I can really recommned it if it something you both want to do! IF you can't understand your BF's motivation then fine tell him this and hopefully you will move on, together. But don't let your views on what is sexually acceptable be driven by what you believe other people think, do what you are happy with and if you get chance to mature (and most girls under 25 are still very wet behind the ears, but come to that so are boys) you may well find your own sexual desires will change with time and become more diverse. Or maybe you will want to just lay on your back and 'do it' for the motherland as time goes on!

And let me assure you, that unless you have a way of introducing ongoing spice into your sex life (yes as you mature there is definately a separation of love and sex) things can get pretty boring and the first thing that you need will be honesty. Give your man credit for being open with you not chuck him out because he dared to honest, that's a very hard trait to find I assure you. In short, don't be a prude! All the best, Lyndon

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A male reader, David Lewis United Kingdom +, writes (31 October 2006):

David Lewis agony auntI hope this fantasy stays a fantasy. I have seen so many relatioships fail because of these. It is sort of like being in a porno, which is maybe why the fantasy is so widespread.

Personally, I could not handle the the thought of my fiancee with another guy. She is MY partner, nobody elses.

The afterthoughts and anger that follows on from the threesome is really soul destroying. You are right when you say you couldn't cope with him being with another woman.

One night of passion will live forever in his mind and he will be tormented by the sight of you and another guy for the rest of his life.

Is one night really worth sacrificing your relationship for? I don't think so.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2006):

i think you shouldn't judge him like this. talk with him see whats his fantasy, then why not as long as you 2 are togethher every thing is possible with trust that you have to eachother. first talk then try it with him you will see that you'll understand better what he want then you'll see that his not that bad, it's not about love, it's about trst that he has on you that he can let you enjoy in sex and not falling inlove with sombody else. thats the end of the trust. he want to see you enjoing twice , some times boys think that they are not enought in sex so they think about threesome to see a better wilder and sexier result in your sex. all he want is your enjoyment. Go talk with him never tell him that " how you can let someone else fuck me infront of you " that breaks him tell him it's hard for me but i can talk about it with you and see if it's good for just tring as a fun-in-sex ;) i'm sure that your not gonna regret

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2006):

Well I understand your pain over this and how confusing it is, but since it is only at the talking stage, I don't think it is the next best thing to break up over it...if the thought of it makes you uncomfortable or sad or threatened then you should nevr ever do this with him as it would ruin your relationship...On the other hand, your boyfriend does not feel or think the way you do about this threesome scenario, he is thinking with his penis mostly, and how he would like to pleasure you, which in his mind and heart probably does not mean he does not feel protective over you or in love with you...I agree that men have a tendency to objectify women as toys when it comes to sex, and if this is not a role you are comfortable with as object only, then don't do it and tell him it will remain a just a fantasy. Hope this helps.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2006):

To put your mind a little more at ease, this is a more benign and common male fantasy than you might expect. So it is entirely possible for your boyfriend to be head over heals in love with you and still have such fantasies. He also get's points for being honest with you about his inner fantasies, especially wanting you to be an intricate part of them. The caveat however, is that you BOTH share the same or a similar version of the same fantasy, otherwise it(his fantasy) will NEVER work. I would suggest giving his fantasy an honest second thought, does it get your motor going at all to be with another of the opposite sex with his approval and him there for moral support? If the answer is even close to yes, then you should discuss it further with your inputs on exactly how it needs to be to get your motor equally running. If he does not listen or if this still turns you off completely, then tell him so. Be honest, that you have nothing against his fantasy, it's just not your thing but you'd love to find some others together. My wife was the one that instigated this scenario for us with a male colleague of hers. Since we were both titillated by the thought of it, the guy was a good guy, I'm a voyeur, she's incredible. The sex was mind blowing and I have no regrets. Hope this helps. Good luck

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2006):

I am in the same situation as you are after 10 months,I am very jealous of my boyfriend and love him to bits but can't get my head around this request, part of me finds it a turn on but i know i couldn't watch him with a women. I am left still unsure what to do, i want to , but don't want to destroy what we have if it all goes wrong.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2006):

This is a common male fantasy. Keep it a fantasy. Many problems arise when a third person is invited into your bed. Keep it a duo, avoid the threesome.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2006):

I would suggest that if you are secretly aroused by the idea of having two men pleasure you...then you should go ahead and experience it witht the one you love. You may not get this chance again...if you want it. My boyfriend asked me the same thing and I said I wasn't able to do it...then over time my desires changed. I agreed and now, after our first threesome with another man, I absolutely crave doing it again! It was amazing having another man please me while my boyfriend watched and joined in....

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A male reader, tuk +, writes (16 August 2006):

It might be that it really turns him on to know how another man really wants you, as for me this is my biggest turn on to see my wife enjoying sex with another man who finds my wife totally attractive... I mentioned it to her if she would like to do it with my best buddy Bob while we were making out one day and she would always say noway but ended getting these fantastic orgasms, so one day I mentioned it to Bob and agreed he would love it too...So one night when my wife was sleeping, he got naked, crawled in the bed and slowly started to seduce her in her sleep, thinking it was me, by the time she saw it was Bob, it was too late she was so horny she was all over him, that night we had the best sex that you could ever imagine..she's all for it now!!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2006):

You don't own someone else's thoughts and desires. If you need to be with someone who thinks like you then you should not be with this guy. But he isn't wrong for wanting what he wants.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2006):

I have been involved in this kind of scenario, but as the 'other guy'. I can say without a doubt it was one of the hottest things ever. One problem you might not have anticipated is that after experiencing the pleasure that only two guys can give a girl, you might not want to go back to boring 'conventional' sex...

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2006):

I had this same conversation with my girlfriend recently and decided to try it with my friend MMF. It was the biggest regret ever. We were all in the dark and during that time, i had some trouble getting myself aroused knowing that this was happening. I am kicking myself in the butt for going through with it because it always has been a fear and a nightmare thinking of my girlfriend with someone else, and now she was. It just bothers me. Right now i dont know what to do. It is causing some sexual frustration now and i wouldnt do it, for the sake of you partner. my girlfriend loved it, but my mental state is not what it used to be after it happened. just trying to help

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A male reader, rob +, writes (2 January 2006):

After only seven months I would be against it, but you only live once and when you settle down with somone you may not get the chance again, and would you then regret not having a bit of fun? only you can really decide, hope you can sort it out.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2006):

I have the same fantasy as your fella and I love my partner more than I could ever imagine. We have been together sixteen and a half years and I would love the chance to watch my missis having fun with another guy and then join them. I cannot really explain to you the reasons why I feel this way. In an ideal world I'd like to imagine the experience of having a MMF threesome, as a product you could purchase (from the right places) as easily as a vibrator etc. This way we who wished could then purchase said product and say its to spice things up if you see what I mean. Ufortunately we live in the real world so we have to deal with all the issues etc that life presents us with and live with the decisions we make, with this in mind look hard at your relationship with your fella, talk about his fantasy if you can to hear his reasons, then once you've considered everything go with what you want.

Just one more thing, you only get one stab at life so live it, but don't live to regret.

All the best what ever you do

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2005):

I was in the same situation as yourself. My husband wanted a threesome with another man and I was discusted at first. I ageed as I thought he would then change his mind , but he still said he wanted to go ahead with it. We have now had a threesome with anther man and it was the most exiting sexual experience in the world. Havining to men at the same time is something we all should try. Our marrage is both stronger and more loving than before and we will be having more threesomes in the near future

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2005):

I think you should rethink breaking up with him. He was only being honest, and honesty is much more important than hearing the answer you wanted him to give.

My fiance said the same thing, and after thinking it over, I realized that it was the ultimate sacrifice. After talking about it with him he said that he honestly thought it was the one think he imagined I dreamed about and just couldn't tell him, so he thought if he suggested it, it would be ok. He simply wanted to make me happy, even if it meant letting someone else share his "treasure." At least he was honest with you =) Go for it!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2004):

This man of yours is not meaning it in a bad way. He just wants to see you in action as well as be involved in it. It does not necessarily mean he wants to use you as a toy. This is his test for your relationship. Maybe he wants to test his love for you to see if he could stand to see you being touched by another male. You asked him and he told you the truth. My moral of this story is don't ask a question if you do not want the truth. Many men in this world want to see their loved one in action with someone else as well as be involved also. It could also be a contest to see if he pleases you half as much as the other man could.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2004):

replace this loser with somone who really cares for you, you do not need a man in your life bad enough to do anything that you do not want to. a fantasy discussion is 1 thing and doing it is quite anotherthe ultimate question is where/what would he want to do next????. and could you then say no since you had gone along the 1st. time

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