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Falling in love with one of my best friends. How do I manage this without ruining our amazing friendship?

Tagged as: Crushes, Friends, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (25 March 2014) 2 Answers - (Newest, 26 March 2014)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I think I'm falling for one of my best friends.

Admittedly I was interested in him when we first met. We started out just running together after meeting at school, and I originally thought that was a precursor to something more, but nothing ever came of it, and I decided we could just be friends if that was what he wanted.

Last year I got a little drunk and just did what drunk people do, brushed against him on purpose, and that sort of thing. Embarrassed the next day, I texted him and he told me that while it made him a little bit uncomfortable, part of him enjoyed it as well. I didn't know what that meant, so I asked further and he told me he thinks I'm a smart, kind and attractive person and that we could talk about it on our run the next morning.

I didn't have the courage to bring it up during that run, and he didn't bring it up either, and it's never come up again in the year since. I've been getting coffee or lunch or running with him almost every week since, in totally friendly way, and I still would date him in a heartbeat if he asked me, but I'm not sure about whether he was letting me down easy in those messages last year or if he likes me too...and I'm afraid to ask because I don't want to ruin an amazing friendship.

I just don't know what we are and I don't know what to do. Ideas?

View related questions: best friend, drunk, text

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (26 March 2014):

Honeypie agony aunt

As much as he wouldn't mind a roll in the hay with you, he isn't seeing you as someone he would date.

He has gotten to know you over the last year and yet you two remain friends and no more. He could have jumped in the drunk thing and he didn't. He said it was partly uncomfortable and partly exciting. Not really what a girl wants to hear is it?

I'd stay friends and look elsewhere for a date.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (26 March 2014):

CindyCares agony auntPardon cynical jaded me, but I think all he meant is that if, with the excuse maybe of a couple of drinks inside you, you want a no pressure roll in the hay , or several occasional rolls in the hay - he's game. He did not bring it up because casual rolls in the hay are a delicate, awkward thing to bring up between two people who are supposedly friends, I think he was waiting for you to bring it up. In the sense that if you want your pound of flesh , ( I think that's all he was offering ) ... you'd get it but you need to ask .

You'd date him in a heartbeat ? IF he wanted, he'd do it too. You know each other, you spend time together, now he knows for sure that you are into him, if he had not guessed before; you are both single. He'd play it totally safe , IF he wanted to date you. I think he is fine with how things are between you right now.

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