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Fallen for my priest. Help!

Tagged as: Forbidden love<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 November 2017) 5 Answers - (Newest, 30 November 2017)
A female Ireland age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Oh my god I never see the day but I actually have a crush on my priest - for heaven's sake, the bloody priest. Is my love life that bad that I fantasise about him.

My question is have you ever had a bad crush on someone your not suppose like a priest and how do you get over it? I can't avoid him. I see him every Sunday and shake hands with him. How do I get (over) ture it? I mean I'd die if he'd found out. Can you imagine convestion?

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A female reader, Dionee' South Africa +, writes (30 November 2017):

Dionee' agony auntI think that you´re into the priest because it´s really taboo and it excites you to fantasize about him. Do I think it means more? NO I don´t.

My advice; Go out and meet some single and AVAILABLE guys because this is just a crush based on the above mentioned facts so I wouldn´t think much of it to be honest.

Don´t let it drive you crazy.

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A male reader, Been there Now over it United States +, writes (30 November 2017):

Crushes are difficult to get over. Personally, I think it is OK to fantasize about him, just as you or any of us might fantasize about a movie or television celebrity. I believe the Church says it is OK to be gay or lesbian as long as you don't act on it. I see the same law as being applicable here. Having grown up Catholic and attending Catholic schools, I don't recall ever being told not to fantasize about anyone. Masturbation was another matter but God put our hands in the most convenient place to do so and I don't think he/she did it just to tempt us. The Catholic cure for "self abuse" is to keep yourself busy and think about other things. That is a pretty lame answer, especially at your age with hormones raging and overwhelming urges.

It sounds like you aren't going to inform him or anyone else about your crush. If you are tempted to do so, don't! It is highly unlikely he would reciprocate, and the whole matter could get twisted into a situation where word would get out and his reputation would suffer, even if he didn't reciprocate. And I highly recommend you not mention names or the fact that you fantasize about a priest should you ever bring this up in the confessional!

You are probably just going to have to wait this one out. I do remember it taking up to a year or even two to get some fantasies out of my head. In the meantime, I personally think you are OK fantasizing about him as long as you keep it at that. If this still messes with you head, try to find a celebrity or other person to have in your fantasies.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (29 November 2017):

Honeypie agony auntA crush is JUST that.. A CRUSH. It's an infatuation, part fantasy, and part wishful thinking. Nothing more.

I think you need to accept that you find him attractive but there is no road to take THAT any further.

WE ALL get crushes. Most of the time they are totally one-sided. And a LOT of the time they are not only unrealistic they are also unattainable.

So you need to nip this in the bud. EVERY time you have thoughts about him - stop yourself.

You asked if your love life is that bad that you can fantasize about the Priest... Well, only YOU can answer that. BUT... I don't think crushes are always connected to NOT having a great sex life. I think they are more like a form of escapism where YOU get to PICK and CHOOSE the partner and whatever story you want.

If you HAVE a partner, why not add some romance to the relationship? Set up a date night? Have a weekend away? FOCUS on that instead of the VERY unavailable and unattainable Priest.

And no, DEFINITELY do NOT tell him or your partner. This is YOUR little "head game/fantasy" and YOU need to deal with it.

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A male reader, no nonsense Aidan United Kingdom +, writes (29 November 2017):

It’s very simple: just do nothing about it. Do as Andie’s Thoughts suggests and try to think about something else. He isn’t going to find out and doesn’t need to know. It isn’t something that you need to confess either. It’s just a silly crush: people get them all the time. But when nothing can ever come of it, ignoring it is all you can do.

I wish you all the very best.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom +, writes (29 November 2017):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntChange your thoughts when you fantasise and start dating single men.

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