A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need to break up with my boyfriend but I can't bring myself to do it. We've been together for years but I'm miserable. He often neglects me and I'm constantly feeling nervous, angry, paranoid and so many other negative emotions. We broke up once in the past and during that time I was doing alright, thought of him everyday, but was making it. I was alive, basically. He kept contacting me and I ended up taking him back.I'm just so exhausted from the rollercoaster of emotions. It's up and then down for what seems like forever. I'm scared of walking away because I keep thinking what if he moves on and treats the next one better. What if he thinks she's better than me? What if he doesn't even care that I'm gone. all while I'm crying myself to sleep every night?I feel so heartbroken and lonely. How do people do it, just walk away? Where do they get their strength from? How can I become strong enough to leave this man behind me?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, marinablue +, writes (5 March 2015):
Hi. I was in exactly the same boat as you. I got out. You can too. Singingbluebird is right. Start looking after yourself. It gives you power and perspective.PM me if you want to chat.xx
A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (5 March 2015):
I'm reading how you feel and I feel miserable for you.
You need to get the support to leave him. You need to contact you local Mental health care provider or speak with your family doctor. They can offer you some suggestions of who to speak with. You don't have to do this alone.
It takes courage and strength to walk away and start all over. You need to think of that happy person you were living a full life and looking forward to everyday. You need to re focus and do the activities that you once loved. Crafting, swimming, gym whatever it may be. It takes that first step to move forward into a new you.
This is going to be tough but it is tougher to stay in that unhappy and miserable life.
Good Luck
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000 +, writes (4 March 2015):
 If he does move on after the break-up, I can guarantee that he won't treat the next woman better. Most likely, you're the only woman who puts up with his roller coaster behaviour. Not many women will. When the next woman dumps him, guaranteed he's going to come running back to you. Please don't give him another chance to make you cry again. Go be happy and be single for a while.
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A
female
reader, singinbluebird  +, writes (4 March 2015):
 I'm sorry but neglect is a form of abuse. You have to leave him right now. I feel like this question is not coming from a place of trying to leave him but a place of lack of love you have for yourself as a woman. And you are smart and introspective enough to realize you want out but you dont know how and you are helpless. I suggest that you start loving yourself. And what I mean by that is exercising, eating right, dressing up, taking yourself out on dates, meeting new men, smiling into their eyes (not cheating but allowing other men to give you attention and energy), dying your hair, becoming a new YOU.The moment you do, something will shift inside and that shift will give you a new perspective on who you want to be and you can be. Love yourself is all I can say. Cause the moment you do, is the moment you will realize that walking away doesnt make you feel helpless, it will make you feel powerful. Be a source of power for your own self. And love the woman you are and can be.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 March 2015):
 YOU are miserable... what he thinks and feels does not matter.
YOU need to keep the focus on yourself and move forward.
END the misery and go NO contact, then he can't ask you back, and you won't know who he is with, what he is doing or how he feels.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 March 2015):
 What if he treats the next one better ? What if he thinks she is better than you ?....
Yes, precisely. SO WHAT ! , even if etc. etc.
That would be no skin off your nose, right ?
You would not even KNOW or see or suspect etc., if you are a sensible person who really has made up her mind to ditch the drama ,move on, and promote her own wellbeing.
So, you would cut contact, not ask around about him, not stalk his Facebook etc.; all the time doing your best to keep busy, distract yourself with new interests, spend time with friends, date new men, etc.etc. The usual.
"What if he likes the next better, what if he does not care...? "
But, do you want to break up, or are you tryng to give him an emotional spanking to MAKE him care about you ?!
Haven't you thought that , if he is making you suffer so much by his neglect, and reduces you to this emotional mess, he ALREADY does not care whether you stay or you go ?! He would keep not caring - and you would keep being not cared about by him, but ,at least, you would not be always angry, anxious, paranoid ,frustrated etc. because the source of anger , paranoia etc. would be gone.
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