Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2016): Sounds like you're the OP-
Don't beat yourself up over a misunderstanding, these things happen! And yes, you're right that couples compromise- but sometimes that means doing something the other person wants and vise versa. Some men do like to do nice things for a woman!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2016): I'm so blind.. I'm sorry.thankyou all so very much for answering.. I thought some more of things he has said and this helps me figure out my question here... I see I made a fool of myself in here already.. anxiety/nervousness ect ect... He said a few times that he don't see me for sex. #2 while asking what I want he did give a example once he asked me if I want to travel and where too... So I'm supposed to be thinking of what I want to do in this life??? Also I have strong feelings for him.. I feel like I'm addicted to him... That might make it harder for me to answer this question properly because I'd want him to like what I want.. Also I thought couples are supposed to compromise on this kind of stuff.
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (6 December 2016):
 We men NEVER know what a woman "wants" As much as women love to share their feelings they rarely discuss the simpler things that a man could do to make her happier. Also, since he's a man and I'm a man he might just being asking what you'd like for Christmas. We men are not very deep so I fail to see an underlying question. All most of us guys want to know is how to make our partner feel good or happy. like I said we're not all that deep. Don't look for the question to be a trick question. Just say"I don't know I like roses but surprise me."
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2016): To be fair, he probably just wants to know what you want! Men can be simple creatures like that. It's not illogical though to think he might have limited intentions and is fishing to find out what you have in mind.And don't think too much into your idea that he must be able to see what you want from your actions- it's funny when a person can become suddenly blind to the glaringly obvious, and you don't know what relationships he has had in the past and how that effects his understanding of the signals. Trying to come up with your own answers won't help, because you'll only end up focusing on the potential negatives.There's only one real way to resolve it- ask him what he meant! If you're 'just talking' then asking him to clarify a bit further won't do any harm. It will probably help you understand better where you would like to take the relationship, too.
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female
reader, Slippers  +, writes (5 December 2016):
I think it's fair even a month in to simple lay your cards on the table .. you could say .. I thought over the q's you asked .. and at this time I'm happy getting to know you .. I don't multi date I like to get to know one person at a time so to speak . And we can play the rest by ear .. If that scares him off then he's messing with your head to start with .. so just be clear on what you do want in a nice friendly light manner .. If you like him say I like you .. its as easy as that .
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female
reader, Slippers +, writes (5 December 2016):
I think it's fair even a month in to simple lay your cards on the table .. you could say .. I thought over the q's you asked .. and at this time I'm happy getting to know you .. I don't multi date I like to get to know one person at a time so to speak . And we can play the rest by ear .. If that scares him off then he's messing with your head to start with .. so
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (5 December 2016):
 Abandonment issues or not - this is a risk you will going to have to take.
IF you WANT a long term monogamous relationship then THAT is what you tell him. Either HE wants the same or he doesn't. If he doesn't, well then there is no need to waste any more time on this dude. IF he does want the same, you two can move FORWARD and find a way to make THAT work.
You didn't say how long you have been seeing him for, so telling him "I want an exclusive monogamous long term relationship" might be "jumping the gun: a bit IF the relationship is only a month or two "old". And the "vague" answer IvyBlue suggest (I look forward ....) might work better.
IF you think telling him what you want, what you really really want.... will scare him away..... is he then REALLY the guy for you?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2016): Okay guys we are already having sex. But it is way better then just sex. Also I'm not the type to not be committed. I'm not seeing anyone else and I don't play games.. Also I came out of a 18 year relationship 6 months ago. And I only had to leave that and trust me I didn't want too but I had too to keep me alive. I also didn't expect to fall in love again but I think I did anyways here.
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (5 December 2016):
 Maybe he's asking you if you want sex?
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female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (5 December 2016):
 Well it is a bit risky because he is going to like what you say or not. Thing is if you dont get on board with being upfront and honest then you come of as someone who plays minds games. Not attractive and down right annoying. When he ask what it is you want he is asking you if you are wanting something serious or casual. If you are wanting something long term I think taking the "I'm looking forward to seeing where this takes us" kind of thing is a safe and fair response. Not too heavy but not too casual either. Ask him also, from there you can decide if this is something you are happy to pursue by having an idea where each of you stand
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2016): I forgot to Add that we already did make love a few times .. make love not just sex (yes there is a difference).
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2016): To answer your questions, about my question... I broke up with my boyfriend of 18 years because only because he beat me up badly. I didn't want to end the relationship but I had too...I'm not the type of person that sleeps around. I do want in a relationship yet I'd like to be sure that I won't be killed in this relationship. Now the guy I'm referring too in my question I do actually want to be with him and I'm not playing no game. I don't even enjoying board games. Games aren't my thing.. Now I think that all I needed was time since i did start seeing this guy right after my breakup with the one who did cause me a painful injury. So all I needed was time okay. And I never really ever dated around because I was never interested in that. Therefore that might be why this is confusing but all you have to do is specify why you asking a question such as ( what is it I want) giving my last relationship that was differently out of the realm of logic. And I really suck at reading minds obviously.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2016): You won't necessarily get what you really want. Maybe he wants to know if you want a casual relationship, like friends with benefits.
You're a woman 30 or older, and you should know what you want in a relationship by now. If he has to ask, you don't know. He sounds like a guy you're playing games with and sending mixed-signals. Perhaps because you don't know what you want.
Do you want a committed monogamous-relationship? Is he hard to read, and not really showing a real interest in you?
If he just wants to get you in the sack, maybe he's asking what will that take?
Don't look for a relationship unless you know what you want, and you're woman enough to express it. Games and tricks are for kids. Grown-ups speak the truth, and don't ask for what they can't deliver.
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