A
female
age
30-35,
*onfusedlover10
writes:My ex and I have broken up for 3mths. We would tak every now and then but not much. He would initiate all contact. The breakup was pretty crazy as I wasnt ready to accept it and kept tryin to fix it, til one day, I just stopped. He told me he would never be w/me again. My best friend said to me "the quicker you accept it, the better off you'll be". So I did. I accepted it and after a while I didnt care to hear from him anymore, I wasnt lookin forward to talkin to or seeing him. We went a month without seein each other. Last week, he said he loved me and asked to meet up. We met and we actually went to his family's cookout that celebrated his grandmothers home going. His mother asked us to fix what we have, b/c it just wouldn't feel right if he were date someone else. We we together for a year...we've been talking everyday for a week now and we've seen each other twice. He's been referring to us as"we" now. Saying that he has a job so he is working for the both of us. Saying he'd use money for bills and give me some to splurge. He even mentioned having children......he has never mentioned things like that before...What am I suppose to do? I'm afraid of opening up to him again as he has tried to break up with me many times. However, this was the only legit break up as far as no contact whatsoever, deleting pics, unfriending each other and evetything. I love him but idk if i want to be with him. I told him I needed time but I feel pressured with the us and we reference. What should I do?
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (26 May 2015):
 When there's this much turmoil, I suggest that ANYBODY keep things at arm's length for AT LEAST six months.... After which you can see if you really give a darn about this guy/girl who is causing you to act this way......
Good luck...
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (26 May 2015):
 From your post I am guessing the break up was fear of commitment since he didn't have a job until now. He was unprepared for mature responsibilities and now he realizes having you in his life is better than fun but without purpose. Nevertheless, any break up hurts regardless of whose problem it was. You can tell him you want to slow down to make sure he isn't just getting carried away with dreams. He has a bad record of running away when things get tough, and you are not going to put yourself through this insecurity again. It's possible that people grow up and change. You tell him if he cares about the "us" so much, then he needs to be patient before you can trust him again. He can't just pick up where he left off. He has to treat you like a new date and woo you again as a reborn person.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2015): HiYou can't leap back into this relationship, just because he wants you to. Looking on the pessimistic side and I'm not saying that this is definitely the case, but imagine that he is the sort of man who wants what he can't have. There's a lot of them around. This definite break up that you spoke about, may have ignited his real passion for you and made him realise that he loves you more than he realised. It may have made him panic about losing you and is just making sure that he gets you back by saying whatever he thinks you want to hear, or it may just be that he doesn't like the thought of losing you because it looked like he was. All I'm saying is, you have to take it slowly to work out which scenario this is. With any luck, he is genuine and what he is telling you is real. But you are in charge of how you behave. If he wants to move too fast for your liking, you control the pace. If what he is telling you is real, he'll play by your rules until you feel reassured and until you know whether you can love him again or not.Good luck
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