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Ex best friend is a manipulative bitch and no one can see it!

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Question - (25 May 2009) 3 Answers - (Newest, 29 May 2009)
A female Australia age 26-29, anonymous writes:

i had a best friend who later turned out be a horrible person. no jokes, the closer i got to her the more i realised how manipulative and bitchy she was. she uses people, she snuck around with my bf behind my back, and during our entire relationship she fed him all these innocent stories so that he would feel sorry for her, comfort her and she would take the opportunity to use him. she has done this to several guys, and what is so frustrating is that no one else seems to see it! it has been a year now and she hasnt changed a bit. she runs to me everytime she has no one else, and me being a nice person and her still being part of the friendship circle i feel obligated to be nice to her, but other than that i hardly spend time with her. she thinks SO highly of herself it is unbelievable. and what is even more unbelievable is that all of my best friends which i have know for four years, and who have known her for less, have all taken her 'side' (sorry for sounding immature but thats really how it is) and would rather hang out with her, be with her, talk with her etc etc. its like they idolise her and i cannot understand why after everything she has done. she repeats lies over and over to make herself sound better and it always seems to be my word against hers, and everyone believes hers! im not trying to sound confident or self righteous but i have been a nice girl all my life. everytime a friend of mine has a problem they come to me because i listen and actually care about them. i feel like such a doormat because its like they come to me for that sort of stuff, but when its time for parties and fun they all go to her. when i used to be a 'party girl' they called me slutty and immature and now this girl is many levels worse than me and they completely idolise her and try to be like her. it makes me so angry, jealous, and so left out at the same time. i feel like my friends are completely worthless and wouldnt even give a shit if anything ever happened to me. the only people i can really count on now is my boyfriend and my two close friends and yet i still feel so alone.

View related questions: best friend, immature, jealous

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2009):

well, she is an ex for a reason.

its time to start prioritising you. it doesn't matter what the others think. let them be fooled. you know and have witnessed her " true" being. so please stay away from her and its ok to be different. just accept yourself as is, don't worry about he others and hey so what if you are not in the "IN" crowd. make your own crowd. and be happy. as for the ex friend, she was toxic and just be glad that you are no longer with her.

you sound very hurt so please take a deep breath. exhale. write down all the " horrible" things she has done/ you have witnessed. read it, analyse it. give it the time it deserves and then MOVE ON. if you let these feelings fester and get out of control , it will consume you and eat you up. you need to get closure , so please address it and then make piece with what has happened and move into a better space.

good luck.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2009):

It sounds like you are pretty angry at this girl and she has obviously hurt you in some ways. Manipulative people are often popular because they are manipulative and people are taken in by them. Fine for casual acquaintenances, but you know her true colors.

Let go of your anger for her, you are actually full of resentment. Resentment is like swallowing poison and waiting for the other person to die, it only hurts you. She is not suffering because you resent her or try to educate people about her true character. You just have to let that go and forgive her for being such a nasty person. You can ignore her, ignore the reactions your friends have towards her and be your genuine best self.

Being a party girl is not the goal in life. Being an authentic you is. Possibly you have outgrown those shallow friends and would be better off finding new friends who are more like you, good people with good values that are intelligent and are interested in deeper things besides popularity at school and partying all of the time. Get active, get inolved with your interests and you will meet like minded new people. You don't have to turn your back on your old friends, but you may just put less value on their opinions of you or what you think their opinions of you are. You can't control and change them, you can only change you.

Take care.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2009):

I went through similar situations with friends in highschool and learned to take the high road. If I had problems with someone, I didn't talk bad about them and try to get others to see the light and take my side- that isolates you and drives people away. Let them see her true colors in their own time. You allowed her bad behavior to turn you into a negative person to be around and that's giving her too much power! Talking bad about her, even if you have valid points, makes you look jealous and insecure and that drives people away from you and right to her. In any group girl friendships, it's better not to do what you did- find friends outside that group that you can vent to.

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