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male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I am 20 years old, my fiance is 19. Without giving too much detail, I am an up and comer entrepreneur in the creative entertainment business, run my own company, all that stuff. Met my fiance 9 months ago, we fell absolutely in love. She is an extremely beautiful woman, if I was a man of numbers, I would say she is a 8-9.5 out of 10. She is a woman of relatively a lot of experience in relationships, many boyfriends, busy sexy life, etc. She was still in college when we met. But as we fell in love, she dropped out of college, completely changed her personality and became who she was truly on the inside, which was the nicest woman ever, reminded me of my mother even. So in a sense, she was the closest thing I've ever seen to my "dream girl". 7 months in, she became my business partner, and we became engaged.Here's the problem/situationAs far as our relationship goes, there really isn't a problem. We have amazing attraction to each other, we work out all our fights, we have amazing sex, run a business together, live together, everything.... but the problem isn't the present, but somewhat of the past...Because I'm so advanced in my career (national award winning level) I've only had a couple serious girlfriends my whole life. This year was the first year that I truly learned my "game" and was really set on having the fun life with girls, enjoying the light dating scene, etc. Then, after a couple dates, I take her out on a first date and we fall in love, 7 months later I'm proposing.I feel SOMETIMES an inbalance.The inbalance is that we are somewhat traditionally opposite. She is the girl, who's had all the fun and experience in her dating life, and now found the perfect guy to marry and I'm the guy who finally got the hang of picking up women and then the 1st girl I really look into is a dead hitter. I would say near perfect, I could totally see myself spending the rest of my life with her, and vise versa.But then why is it that I get certain urges sometimes? Granted everybody gets temptations and urges and although the thought of not being with her makes me cry sometimes, when we get into fights and the scarred thought of a break up comes in my mind, a part of me gets somewhat excited that I'll be able to get back in the dating scene. I'm not shallow, I'm as deep of a guy as it gets, I cry with her, everything but then why, although I love her so much, do I keep having random realistic moments where we have a small argument, and the first thought on my head is I'll be able to experiment.We don't plan on marrying for a long time, nor having kids, so I don't have any stress or pressure. If I was diagnosing myself, I would say there is nothing wrong with the relationship other then the inbalance in outside experience.Is this just a phase/speed bump, or something that could be serious? We have a great sex life, so it's not like I'm dissatisfied and like I said these feelings come rarely and only sometimes when we have really bad fights, which we usually solve within an hour.I know, long story. Any advice? Should we take a break? Should I just suggest more fun things for us to do? (we do spend an awful lot of time working in the studio...) Let me know thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2008): Open relationship? I can only see that causing more problems. How would you feel seeing her with other men? how would she feel? you may lose respect for each other in that way.Stopping the engagment sounds like a good ideal. But I believe you should end it, maybe in the future your get back together again when your both ready. I think a open relationship will damange the relationship beyound repair.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2008): Hi, this is the person who asked the question. Thanks for everybodys answer and honesty. I did have an idea after reading the responses. You see, me and her have about as honest of a relationship as can be. We've been very honest about our wants and need emotionally and physically, and when we disagree on something, so an idea came to mind. I am thinking instead of ending the relationship which is not what I really want, I suggest us toning down the seriousness (not be engaged, go back to being a couple) and maybe try to be in an open relationship?
The only downside I see to that so far is how will an open relationship work if we live and work together?
My struggle is that I do love her and I don't want to end it, we got a great thing going, but I because of my not so experienced past, I don't want to have things end up bad later on like my parents ( divorced) .
We don't have any major issues and we have ally of exciting things happening in our career. That's why just breaking up with her doesn't feel right. I agree and it's always been my policy that honesty is the best answer. Outs hard sometimes to tell the difference between a small speed bump that I'll get over, and a warning sign.
I've had minor feelings about this in the pat but the last 2-3 days it's been really on my head after a fight where we almost broke up.
I understand what you all are saying about marrying young, and I agree. But do you know what I mean by how just ending it now feels weird? If I'm going to possibly end this, then it's just as well worth a try to tell her my hard knock honey answer of my new needs and wants, and see where she takes them. Mayble shell agree.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2008): Well, I think you should get some Space from each other. You're more likely to argue when you're working together as well as a couple. I really don't think you're ready for engagement or marriage. You sound very mature at your age, but you're missing that desire to 'only' want to be with her at a deep commitment level. I think in the entertainment business there's Alot of temptation out there, and if you're having thoughts to 'experiment' then you're definetly Not Ready for a long term, faithful, don't want anybody but her, marriage. A marriage minded man needs to be in a mindset of "resisting tempation", and you're not showing those qualities. I understand 'society' focuses on the fun part of relationships, but there's alot of emptiness, and meaninglessness (is that a word?;) that go along with it. I'm not saying you're shallow, but just not ready to settle down yet. Honesty is Always the best policy. take care.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2008): This can always become a problem for some couples, the whole marrying so young and wondering what they missed out on. My mum met my dad when she was 18, their still together now but she admits she wished she went out with other men.
If your feeling like this now, imagine what it be like in five years time. If you do dump her, it's very likely your miss her and realize how stupid you were to give up love for sex. It's a double edge sword.
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