A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Here's the thing, I'm with a girl that I use to be short term friends with. She's a great girl and everything but I just don't feel any real love towards her. How did I up with her then?It all started a couple months ago when I use to flirt with girls that met my fancy. Unfortunately they all turned me down. I was heart broken and shattered that I couldn't possibly get the girl that made me feel special on the inside. However there was a friend of mine that did express interest in me. At first, I never looked at her in that light. Even now, I still don't see myself marrying or even having a family with her.Before we became a couple, she would constantly flirt with me. She would come around my work place and talk to me. I found great companionship in being with her. I did like going out with her and doing stuff. I thought this is what a friendship between a man and a woman should be. Everything was progressing nicely until she asked me to be her boyfriend. At first I wanted to press rewind and pretend that question was never asked. I wanted to pretend like she never made that request. Although, now that I think about it, It wasn't that much of a surprise that she wanted the friendship to go to the next level. I knew that I didn't like her the same way I would have liked the girls I got rejected by. I never felt the longing to be with her when we were apart. But then I started to think about it. I really didn't want to reject her knowing how painful it was for me to get rejected myself. I also thought that maybe it would work out with us. Physically, she's ok. Personality, we click instantly and can talk about everything under the sun. The real problem is that I'm not really into her in a sexual or personal kind of way. When I'm with her, I still have a longing to be with someone else I fancy. When we're together, it feels more like childhood friends going out rather than boyfriend and girlfriend. Even after knowiwng all of this, I still said yes to her request. Big mistake? I certainly think it is now. Even after being together for 6 months, I still can't seem to grow feeling for her. I don't look forward to sex (she notices this), I don't feel all tingly inside when she smiles and I don't feel motivated to make her feel special. It's like a forced relationship between siblins.I thought that if I gave us a chance, maybe something would grow from it. Nothing has as of yet. Infact, I'm kinda miserable. Not only am I sad, I'm also falling for a girl I just met a week ago. She's stunning and fun to hang around with. I just can't get enough of seeing her. Everytime we cross paths, it's like time slows down for a split second, like I'm holding my breath under water or like every single look, word and gesture means something. Those are the sensations I don't feel with my current gf. I'm even considering flirting with her to see how far it can go Knowing my track record though, it's just another rejection waiting to happen. I haven't yet because of the sole fact that I'm in a relationship right now. I don't want to hurt her but looking at things from a different perspective, it turns out that I already have by accepting her proposal even though I wasn't sure of it. Now here I sit, at this computer desk, wondering what to do next.I don't love her but I do value her friendship. I don't want to be in a relationship with her anymore because I'm simply not attracted to her in that way. I guess I'm only with her because she was the only one to show interest. What's the right thing to do here?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2012): Alright I know this was a while ago, but just curious as to how things went. I think I went something extremely similar but I was on her end at around the same time, so just curious to how the break up went (if it happened) and if you guys maintained the friendship. Hope you're doing well.
A
female
reader, jinxx  +, writes (22 July 2012):
 I do see your reasoning, and while it's a good thing to not want to hurt somebody, you made quite the wrong decision.
You can't force yourself to like someone, as you've found out. It seems she was into you for a while, and when you agreed to be her boyfriend you gave her a reason for her feelings to grow stronger.
The right thing to do is to tell her that you just don't feel the same. You need her in your life as a friend, and you have so much fun with her, but you just aren't happy being her boyfriend. Will it hurt her? Absolutely, but when the pain goes away she'll appreciate that you were honest with her. That, and now you both can find the person who will make you happy.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (22 July 2012):
 If you don't want to be in a relationship with her and never liked her, why are you continuing to string her along? No offense, but this is really unfair of you. You have spent all of this time with her just faking it? You need to end it with her right away and give her the chance to find someone who respects and appreciates her. I'm trying to decide if this post is for real because I can't imagine anyone spending this much time with a girl just because he doesn't want to "hurt her feelings".
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