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Ending Long-term Relationship

Tagged as: Breaking up<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 January 2018) 5 Answers - (Newest, 16 January 2018)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I currently live with my boyfriend of almost 4 years. We live 2 hours from our home town due to me being in college and us wanting to be closer to each other. We've lived in an apartment for almost 8 months, but since living together he plays games all the time along with being on his phone a lot when he isn't working. I feel like he barely pays attention to me and that my needs aren't being met like they use to be. I still love him, but I'm not happy in our relationship anymore.

I'm currently looking at being someones roommate, since I don't have anyone I can stay with. I really don't know how to tell him along with what we should do about the apartment. I feel bad that he moved up here and got a job for me and now I'm breaking up with him.

Can I get some advice?

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (16 January 2018):

aunt honesty agony auntDoes he actually know how you are feeling or have you been bottling things up? If you have told him and things still haven't changed then fair enough. But if you haven't then the relationship might still be worth saving if you tell him how you are feeling and give him a chance to change. Most off us are guilty for neglecting our relationships at time, but he needs to know how you feel. If you are still set on finishing with him, then all you can do is sit down be honest with him and tell him how you feel.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2018):

[EDIT]:

"You both may need to do different things to kill boredom."

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2018):

I think you first need to sit and have a talk with your boyfriend. He probably thinks, being a student, you need some time alone to study. You ought to be focusing on your schoolwork. That leaves him time to enjoy his games. Then there should be face-time to go out, or just spend some quality time together. Hopefully, you can tell him what needs he doesn't satisfy. Just sitting and staring at each other?

Sometimes guys are avoiding something; and they retreat to games or their phone. They hate talking about the relationship, listening to complaints, or being criticized.

If you're on a tight-budget, what forms of affordable entertainment does he really have access to?

You both may need do different things to kill boredom. At least you have school. You both may also need a different outlet for stimulation. He left home to be with you. Something tells me you don't have many friends, just each other.

A lot of times young women claim their boyfriends aren't meeting their needs. If you asked them what those needs are; they can't exactly tell you. So he has to figure it out.

How much can he kiss you or have sex? What do you want him to do that he is not doing...I mean specifically? Can you actually articulate those things you want from him, to him. Without having an argument or sounding like you're complaining? If you can't, he cannot read your mind. When you've been together a long time, you grow very familiar. Romance tapers-off. It's not as hot as it used to be, four years ago.

I recommend that you live-out the lease on the apartment; while searching for a roommate and a suitable place to live. Close to campus. I think if there is no way to repair the relationship, you tell him so. So he can prepare to move back home. You both need your deposit back.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (16 January 2018):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntHave you actually sat him down and told him that you are at the end of your tether and thinking of ending the relationship? If not, then I think, in fairness, you need to do this. You would be amazed how often people are just not aware of what is going on. You need to give him chance to change his behaviour. If he still doesn't step up, then fair enough.

Regarding the apartment, if you have signed a rental agreement for a specific length of time (as is usual), you may be liable for the rent for that period, regardless of whether you are living there or not. If your landlord is generous, he may release you from the agreement once he finds an alternative tenant for the property but he is under no obligation to do this. Check out your agreement.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (16 January 2018):

Honeypie agony auntHe made the choice to move near you and get a job, but he ALSO makes the choice to be more busy playing video games and be on his phone than spend time with you.

As soon as you find a place to live/room, tell him.

And make sure to separate your bills and finances if they overlap at all.

As for feeling bad that he moved for you, I get it, but there is nothing you can do about that. Unless you think you should just suck it up and trudge along in a relationship that seems more like roommates than anything else?

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