A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:ITS BREAKING MY HEAT!!!...I'ts my daughters 8th birthday tomorrow and i cannot afford to even buy her a card....I recently came out of a mentally abusive relationship that he managed to lure everything financially from me and im sitting here with 55p to my name, i cannot even look at my lovely little girl out of shame, i cannot stop crying and feel i have so failed her, she is not a demanding child and has various medical conditions, i cannot even do a little party, god its killing me inside to look at her little face when she wakes in the morning and theres nothing there for her, please has anyone any advice on what i can say as i feel devaststed x x Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi all
i wanted to update you on my little girls birthday
she had a very nice day thanx to you guys
she loved the leaves and flower arrangement spelling out I LOVE YOU....adored the fact ive given her my teddie to look after and after reading a little letter i wrote her she turned to me and told me i was the best mummie ever,all in all we had a pleasant day, it obviously hurts me still that i couldnt buy her a little present but i will as soon as i get back on my feet
A BIG THANK YOU TO YOU ALL
X X X X X X X X X X X
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you stina for the website i will look at that shortly, im so overwhelmed with the responses, what i have done is collected some leaves and flowers as suggested and ive written out the words "i love you" on the floor, ive wrapped up in foil an old teddy of mine that ive had since a small girl as my daughter loves teddies and written a little note for her that i want her to look after him now shes a big girl...
i cannot thank you enough for turning what i could only see as a nightmare into a special little birthday for her...
my daughter aswell has a eating disorder and only consumes food drinks but she loves making cakes so im going to try my damn hardest to buy cake ingredients tommoro so we can bake a cake, my son of 15 was on the computer earlier and has done something for her to,ive tears of joy for all your ideas im truly overwhelmed and thankyou for helping me give my special brave princess a smile in the morning x x x
...............................
A
female
reader, stina  +, writes (3 May 2007):
 Hi again,
I'm glad to hear how well your little girl took the news - it sounds like she is a very wonderful and caring little girl. ^_^ You must be a great mother.
As for having nothing free to do in London, I did a quick search on google and found a few websites. You're right - there are a lot of free parks!! But I also saw this website that has a bunch of other things to do: http://www.allinlondon.co.uk/life/index.php?fid=5
Maybe the two of you could visit some museums? I'm not sure what your little girl's interests are, but when I was young I loved going to museums and seeing things that I wouldn't find anywhere else. It's also a good learning experience for her, as well as spending quality time with mom! ^_^ Maybe make a list of all of the free things you can find to do together and then let her pick what she wants to do off of it. This way she can do what she wants and it will all be for free. Another thought I had is that maybe you two can make dinner together. I used to do that with my father and grandmother and it was a lot of fun and I have so many special memories of it.
And what's good about making a list is that you can always look at it later and have free things to do whenever you want.
Now back to your response -- you said that you lost all of your family and friends when you were with this man? Is it because you are not speaking to one another? If so, I think it's time to swallow some pride and give them a call. I'm sure they would actually like to hear from you. Many, many people go through periods in their life when they stop talking to their relatives for some reason or another, but hardly ever does that mean the love stops. Why don't you at least consider it, okay? The worst thing that could happen is that they get angry, right? Well that's when you let them know you're sorry things got off on the wrong foot again and that you'll talk to them later. At least it was you who made the effort, and that's something to feel good about.
In the meantime, look for roommate wanted ads in your area if you can't afford to live in the place where you are now. Try checking the newspapers, internet, and bulletin board postings (sometimes libraries and other places like that have them). Like I said, things will get better. You're just in a tought spot right now. But you know what, at least you have a wonderful daughter who loves you very much - and you'll need that kind of support in a time like this. And be proud of the fact that you are, indeed, a good mother. Someone with a little girl who has those qualities has to be.
...............................
A
female
reader, Enzian  + ♥, writes (3 May 2007):
 Wow, such a lot of good ideas! I'm sure, it will be the nicest birthday your daughter has ever had and that it will be THE ONE she will never forget! She is already prepared that there will be no present. So surpris her with something else, something very special. Don't worry, dry your tears and make the best out of it! Laught with her and have fun. Make her an unforgettabel day!I just had an idea if you have no paper or so to make a card, go outside and collect flowers and their petals and decorate the room for her. You can make a heart on the floor with it. You can also stick the petals with some fixing pins on a blanked. Have you cornflakes or cereals at home? Take them and write a HAPPY BIRTHDAY on the breakfast table. Just be creative!You say, you lost your friends. That is sad. But I'm sure your daughter still has some friends at school or so. You can invite them for tea and pizza. Just call their parents and say you would love to make a suprise for your daughters birthday, but because you are a single parent you can not afford a lot (or something simillar), so you aks their children would like to come for a little party and if they could please bring some food (instead of a present). You would have to say which sort of food (e.g. tomatoes for eg 8 people or one bottle of soft drink or so), because if you just say any food, you will get any but nothing you can use. Don't be ashamed. Not everyone has money to throw away.And if you can not do something very special like ot go somewhere or invite someone, you could do that on Saturday or Sunday. Just write her a coupon for that promising that will do something very special on either day. I'm sure you will have a great time.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi ...again thank you for more replies ive just read,a little bit about my daughter is she is so loved and knows she is a very special little girl.... shortly she'll be starting transfusions due to a medical condition so if you can imagine i spoil her with so much love, i just so wanted to make it an extra special little day for her before her hospital treatment,its just gutted me and words cannot describe my heartache for her, you may think why didnt i save up but all i can afford to buy at the moment is food to feed my children everyday, any mum in this position im sure will feel the same..im so proud of her, and ive just finished writing her a letter all decorated but it still doesnt ease the pain of not that little present for her to open but when i get back on my feet ill make it up to her, i just felt rock bottom earlier that i needed to write in for advice and i so appreciate your responses..xx
...............................
A
female
reader, AskEve + ♥, writes (3 May 2007):
 Let her know that things are very tight at the moment but you are going to give her even MORE than money can buy... you are going to spend the whole day with her today! Keep her off school for that day (hey it's a very special day after all) and do things together. Let her put on your make up, paint each other's nails, let her wear your shoes, let her help you make lunch, little things mean a lot to children and all of this "mummy time" will make her feel so special. Let her know you feel so lucky to have her and even although things are tight at the moment, you feel rich because you have her!
She will always remember her very special day with you, even when she grows up. It will bond you both closer than you could ever imagine! Have a wonderful day together!
Eve
...............................
A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (3 May 2007):
 I really like the other noter's idea about making a card. I think kids care less about presents than you give them credit for but if it means that much to you do you have a family heirloom you could give her?
CD
...............................
A
female
reader, Enzian + ♥, writes (3 May 2007):
Hi Dear!For your finance problem you need some professional help. Not the one you have to pay for, of course, but a free one for the social office of you city or so. I'm sure there is such place for people to go. If you got financially abused, there is maybe a way to get some of it back? And also they will help you to save what is left and what you may earn.Have you got some close relatives and friends near you? For your daughter's birthday I have some proposals:- Can't you ask someone (who would normaly give your daughter a birthday present) instead of giving your daughter a gift, to come for a surprise visit and bring a birthday cake and bring their children with him or her?- I'm a student and havent much money. If me or one of my student friends want to give a party, we invite the people and ask everyone to bring some food. That is working perfectly. It is very normal for us to do this. In this way we always have enough food and more important - we have fun. So what you could do is: invite you daughters friends for tea and ask their parents not to buy a gift, but to bring a bottle of soft drink, some cracker, some crisps, cookies, fruits or other food, like toast. What is also very great fun: You make a dough for pizza or buy one or so and every guest brings something for the pizza, like fresh tomatoes, mushrooms, mozzarella, ham, a tin of ananas, cheese for pizza, sweet corn and some tomatoe purée. Then you put the dough on the baking tray and put some the tomatoe purée. Then you will cut it in the number of the present people and everyone will put on his piece what he or she likes. Then the cheese is going on the top and you will put it in the oven. And everyone is looking forward to it's own selfmade piece of pizza. This is great fun. Before or after you can play a game or so. There are plenty of proposals in the internet if you have no idea.-You could ask someone close if thy would invite you for something special?-If you are with your daughter on your own, you can tell her a good story. You can watch a good film on a dvd, or so. Stina made some good suggestions.What ever you do, remeber that a gift is not have as special as something very special and fun. Make her an unforgettable day with whatever you can. Good luck!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2007): i agree with the other posts on here make her a card with photos from when she as born till now on a piece of paper or card if you cant find the money for glue, flour and water makes a brill glue and works brill.take her for a picnic or let her choose something from the freezer and cook it together and even if you hate it eat it, pick a tv programe that is suitable, turn the lights down and have a girly night in, or wash each other in the bath and do your nails, blow dry your hair and do each others make up, its really fun, you can do allsorts, nice make up /hair or wacky suff and so can she and you can have a giggle aswell it only takes a smile to make a birthday and with all the good advise you will be partying till next year enjoy it xxx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for your replies, im still crying,just cant stop, my daughter skipped out of school to tell me that in art she made me a thank you card for her birthday present that shes getting, i just looked at her and burst into tears, when we got home i sat her down and explained to her the situation, her little face,oh god its a face i'll never forget as all kiddies love a present on there birthday, anyway she replied...''it doesnt matter mummie i'll give you the card still because i love you''.guys ive never been heart broken before than looking and listening to my little girlunfortunately in london theres nothing free to go to apart from a park, i just feel a failure but i need to pull myself together, i cant even make her a cake as ive not the ingredients but your rite i have to think of something to try give her a nice day,....as for family and friends, i lost them when i was with him!! xx
...............................
A
female
reader, Midge + ♥, writes (3 May 2007):
 Trust me when I say she can have a wonderful birthday without the need for fancy presents etc. My family was in the same position when I was growing up, and let me tell you, I have wonderful memories of my birthdays, and not one of them involved presents of any kind.
My parents never had the money to buy us presents or have birthday parties, in fact I am 31 and have never had a birthday party, but it doesnt bother me, simply because I would much prefer to spend my birthday with the people that matter.
My parents used to take us to the beach and play games with us, or take us to a farm. You will be surprised how much children love farm animals and you will be surprised how many kind farmers there are out there that would be happy to help you, and perhaps let your daughter go for a ride on one of their horses or pet a cow. Its those memories that count, not the ones that involve monitary objects or fancy meals.
I dont know where you live, but I live in Scotland and can assure you, there are plenty things to do that you do NOT need money for!!
So far as a card is concerned, make her one. Again, you can be imaginative with a piece of blank canvas, a part of scissors and some glue. It will make is so much more special because her MUM made it. Not someone that she hasnt met before that works in a factory floor making 1000 of the same cards for other kids.
...............................
A
female
reader, stina +, writes (3 May 2007):
Hi there Anonymous,
First of all, do you have any family members or friends that you can live with for a bit before you get back on your feet financially? I think that's a bit more important that what you're going to do for your daughter's birthday tomorrow, don't you?
Perhaps you can sit down with a close friend or relative and figure out a budget for yourself - figure out a way to save money and spend only what you have to. I'm not sure what sort of help there is in the UK given by the government, but maybe you should look into that. Sorry I can't be of more help when it comes to this area of things. But you know, things can only get better from here. I know that you don't think so right now, but with enough dedication and hard work, you can do it. And it sounds like you're very determined. That's good.
Okay - so about our daughter's 8th birthday tomorrow. Why not do something that's fun and free? Can you two go someplace and have a picnic? The food you bring doesn't have to be too expensive - maybe even just some peanutbutter and jelly sandwiches with some celery and carrot sticks on the side or something. Maybe go to a free park in the area and go on a walk together. At night you could let her pick the tv shows that you are going to watch, or let her stay up extra late. Maybe turn out the lights and tell each other ghost stories...make it fun! Remember - material things like cards, toys, etc can get lost, broken or she can grow out of them. But things like spending a fun day with mom and having good memories of her childhood would be much more valuable to her, don't you think?
But please, talk with someone about your financial situation. Work on that and take care of yourself and your family. Your daughter will love you just the same whether you give her presents or not, okay?
Take care.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2007): What about just taking her to the park? Spending time together once shes finished school? Im sure she will understand if you explain that when you have enough money you will get her something even better than what she would of got.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2007): Please don't feel ashamed at your situation. As long as your daughter has your love, there's not much else she needs. I too have an 8yr old daughter so I feel very much for you and can understand your plight. Dry your tears and when your daughter wakes up, give her your biggest smile, a long hug, and tell her how much mummy loves her. Sing happy birthday to her. You can tell her in simple terms that now you're on your own mummy doesn't have much money and can't afford to buy many things, but assure her she will always have you and always have your love. Does your daughter have any art materials that you can use to make her a little card? She'd love that just as much as something you'd bought. If not, please don't worry. Maybe take her on a trip to the local park to play on the swings or feed the ducks. Doing something with mummy will delight her I'm sure. Are you in the UK? If so, speak to your local council or citizens advice bureau to ensure you're getting all the benefits, tax credits etc that you're entitled to. In time things will improve. Take care and stay strong. x
...............................
A
female
reader, misszulu +, writes (3 May 2007):
 What a wonderful mother you are. I understand why you are so upset, and I'm sorry you have to go throught this. One thing I am sure of from what I've just read is that you are a wondeful loving and caring mother. My mum was in the same situation and had six children to look after, and she simply made it clear that we couldn't afford any extras. We were a bit sad, but most important, she made us feel she needed our love and support. I think this is really important to let your daughter know in simple words what the situation is. You don't need to tell absolutely every detail of it, but you could simply wake her up with a beautiful song and tell her about how you felt on the day she was born. You could explain that you feel sorry you don't have a present for her because of the situation and today more than ever you and her should be as one. I don't really know your style or your daughter's, but if you have make up, you could play with her, dressing her with your clothes, combing her hair... things which don't cost anything and that she will always remember! Most important, you need to be positive about the future, not only for your daughter but also for yourself. You need to believe in the fact that the future is bright. If a total stranger felt through the few lines you wrote that you were an outstanding mother, I'm certain your little daughter already knows it and won't blame you for anything.
I hope I didn't upset you in any way, and hope this helped a little bit. I wish you all the best.
Take care x x x
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2007): Do you have felt pens,pencils, crayons and a piece of paper? you could try making her a card. Kids love making their parents cards and I'm sure she would treasure the one that you had made especially for her birthday.
...............................
|
