A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Do you consider a drunken one night stand to be 'better' or worse than a longstanding emotional affair without sex?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2011): my wife had a one night stand while on a girls vacation. she confessed to the act but she will not tell me guys name. this makes me think she is not coming all the way clean. she said she felt like the guy would not let her go until she did what he wanted. the guy works at a resort in another country and this might be his m/o with single or married women. what should i do?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2010): "Emotional affair without sex" is WORSE !!!!!
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A
male
reader, RosesAreRed86  +, writes (26 October 2009):
Once again, as he always is, PassionatelyNumb is dead on. While women get more worked up about a man's emotions and how he "feels" about other women, for the most part, men couldn't care less if a woman has feelings for another man, as long as she doesn't act on them. It's when physicality gets involved that a man is put at risk of being cuckolded and feels betrayed.
I would much rather my future wife have "emotional affairs" (if there is such a thing) with 100 different men than have her let a single one of them put it in her. No doubt in my mind. Sex is infinitely worse, as it is both visceral and tangible.
Guys aren't going to have bad images in their head because of some abstract emotional connection, but will loathe you forever if you cheat on them.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2009): Evolutionary biology strikes again.
I see men more often fearing their wife having drunken one-night stands. I see women more often fearing a lonstanding emotional affair without sex.
This perfectly matches which situation is a bigger threat to each gender's reproductive chances with their spouse. Women feel more threatened that their man might walk out on them and their family. Men are at bigger risk for unknowingly supporting and raising a bunch of kids that aren't really their own.
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A
male
reader, passionatelynumb +, writes (12 March 2009):
 This is just my opinion as a guy, but I think I would be able to forgive a longstanding emotional affair with no sex much easier than a drunken one night stand. Once sex is involved, no matter how fleeting, it would probably end our marraige. Sexual fidelity is extremely important to me. Emotional betrayal would hurt, but it wouldn't hurt nearly as bad as sexual betrayal no matter what the context.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2009): In my opinion, a couple can recover more easily if one had a drunken one night stand. There would still be trust violated and whatnot, but if it was a one time mistake and the cheater was very sorry and did everything in his/her power to make sure it never happened again, it could work.I don't think a couple can recover from one having a long term emotional affair. Mostly because at some point the person having the emotional affair will feel they fell out of love with their partner and more than likely leave for the other person.But that's just my opinion.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2009): There is really no difference if you ask someone who is cheated on! How do you measure someone's pain and disappointment? Cheating is cheating whether it lasts through the night or through the years!
The only possible difference is a long term affair is premeditated and a drunken one night stand could be regretted as soon as it was over. I still don't think the person being cheated on would see it that way though.
Bottom Line: IF IT FEELS BAD...IT IS BAD!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2009): Very nice question. I would prefer the longstanding emotional relationship without sex.
Believe me there is nothing better than love in this world. The one night stand will make u feel bad eventually!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (11 March 2009):
 Is the drunken one-night stand with unattached, available, single people? If so, then the long-term emotional affair is definitely worse.
If they both involve people who are elsewhere committed, then they're both bad. Why should we have to weigh one over the other? That's an artificial assessment. Either way, the outcome is that the innocent party gets hurt. How can one measure hurt? "Oh, it was only a one night stand, don't get so upset. I was drunk. So you shouldn't hurt THAT bad."
"I never slept with her. It was only talking for heaven's sake. You shouldn't feel hurt by that." The point is that BOTH scenarios cause injury to the relationship.
You've got cancer. But it's only a small tumor, so you shouldn't worry THAT much about it.
Do you see my point there?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (11 March 2009):
 It's both cheating - it's both morally wrong. I guess it comes down to how you perceive it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2009): On a broader scope, they are one and the same. On a narrower range, a drunken one night stand is giving one's body away driven by raw and blurred emotion. A longstanding emotional affair without sex is giving away one's mind driven by a combination of factors too intricate to detail here. It is 'usually' instigated by the lack of the same combined factors his or her partner cannot give.
What's worst, thinking solely from yourself: feeling momentarily betrayed in a fit of explosive hormones or feeling 'guilt' for unable to reciprocate what your partner wants?
Please realize that I am not trying to say you have done wrong. I am only giving you another point of view. Ultimately, only you can decide what is 'right' or 'wrong'.
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